"I'm Sorry, But I Have to Decline! Etiquette for Responding When You Can No Longer Attend a Wedding You've Been Invited To"

2018.04.29 published

What to Do if You Have to Cancel Last Minute for a Wedding?

A wedding of a dear friend or colleague that you've been looking forward to since hearing about their engagement＊

However, at the last minute (within a week to the day before), you may find yourself with an unavoidable work commitment,

or you might fall ill, your child may come down with a fever, or there might be an unfortunate event in your family,

making it difficult to attend unexpectedly, which forces you to reluctantly contact them to cancel.

It's certainly disappointing not to be able to celebrate in person and convey your gratitude to the couple,

but this situation can happen to anyone. While it's unfortunate,

once it happens, how you respond afterward is crucial for maintaining a good relationship going forward!

@nagisa_marry

If you find yourself having to cancel just before the wedding, how should you handle it?

First, how should you communicate this?

When notifying that you can't attend just before the wedding, you should inform the bride and groom as soon as you realize you can't go.

It's recommended to call them during a reasonable hour rather than using LINE or email.

Regarding the reason for cancellation, it's considered polite not to specify it if it's due to a family bereavement or illness—just say it's due to "unavoidable circumstances."

The bride and groom are adults, and they will likely understand.

On the other hand, if the reason is work-related or related to taking care of family, it's okay to be honest and say something like "because of ○○."

In any case, canceling at the last minute can cause inconvenience to the couple, so make sure to convey your apologies sincerely.

After the call, it's better to apologize again via LINE or email.

Try to respond quickly and keep the conversation going so that there’s no awkward silence in communication.

How much should you give as a monetary gift?

Just because you can't attend the wedding doesn't mean you shouldn't give a monetary gift.

You must give a monetary gift.

Especially when it's less than a week before the wedding, cancellation fees for meals and gifts may apply,

which would burden the bride and groom. (It seems that cancellation fees often apply if you cancel within 14 to 10 days before the event.)

Therefore, it is proper etiquette to give the same amount you would have if you had attended.

Ensure you send the monetary gift promptly without delaying after the wedding.

@asu_0423

How to follow up on the wedding day?

On the day of the wedding, even if you couldn't attend, simply sending congratulations via LINE or email can make a significant difference in impression.

Since the couple will be busy, it's advisable to refrain from calling.

A mere message will suffice, but sending a telegram to the venue could make them even happier.

How about sending a lovely telegram filled with your best wishes?

@dmwedding0923

Make sure to convey your apologies and congratulations＊

It's genuinely regrettable that you can't attend a wedding you've been looking forward to.

You inevitably feel sorry for the bride and groom too.

That’s why, when you inform them of your inability to attend, please do so with proper etiquette and make sure to convey both your apologies and congratulatory sentiments.

@nagisa_marry