Disrespecting Guests! What Not to Do: The Groom and Bride's "Reverse Hospitality" Mistakes You Might Think Are Kind-Hearted?

2018.04.30 published

Wedding. One should refrain from disrespectful actions towards guests.

A lot of guests come to celebrate the marriage of the bride and groom. They take time out of their busy schedules to travel long distances by shinkansen or plane, and they often bring monetary gifts as a token of their congratulations.

Therefore, it is natural for the bride and groom to have a spirit of "hospitality" towards their guests, and even if they usually have a playful relationship, they should refrain from disrespectful actions on this day.

@nagisa_marry

However, there are sometimes excessive "reverse hospitality."

It's obvious that offering hospitality to guests and refraining from disrespectful actions is a given...

But surprisingly, while preparing for the wedding,

one might think, "This could really liven things up!"

or "This usual playful thing must be included in the wedding!"

and some performances that were added might actually turn out to be disrespectful to guests when you think about it.

Even if the bride and groom think something is exciting, there are often behaviors or performances that could be perceived as disrespectful to guests, which the bride and groom themselves may not notice.

So, what kind of things might be considered disrespectful to guests?

Disrespectful reverse hospitality even while joking: ① Forcing guests to eat bad food

Sometimes at weddings, games or performances may require guests to eat unpleasant or spicy items as a penalty.

For example, guessing who drank bad green juice, eating cream puffs with habanero, or Russian roulette games.

While this may create excitement at the moment, for guests who are paying a significant amount to attend the reception or after-party, being forced to eat bad or spicy things and being laughed at... that can be quite sad.

If it was a casual drinking establishment and everyone played games under the influence, it might still be forgivable, but having the bride and groom make guests eat bad food at a wedding seems like too much of a variety show vibe and inappropriate for such a joyous occasion.

If considering such games, it would be better to prepare something delicious as a prize instead of providing something bad as a penalty, offering hospitality with a positive mindset.

Disrespectful reverse hospitality even while joking: ② Teasing the unmarried

Teasing unmarried guests at weddings is also something that shouldn’t be done.

Traditionally, the bouquet toss is seen as "passing the baton of happiness," but nowadays many people feel "I’d rather not participate," making it a sensitive topic concerning marital status, especially among women of a certain age.

There are many people who want to get married but cannot, those who have partners but cannot marry due to circumstances, and even individuals who simply do not wish to marry in today's society.

Although marriage is not the only correct answer, there is still a strong societal pressure to "get married," which may lead some guests to feel uncomfortable.

So, if they come to celebrate, only to hear the bride and groom say something condescending like, "This one is single, so please take care of our friend's acquaintance!" or "Hey, how about I introduce you to the groom's friends?"—how do you think that would make them feel?

The bride and groom may be at the pinnacle of happiness on their wedding day, but that doesn't mean it’s acceptable to belittle or tease the unmarried guests!

In the past, there were no dating sites, and weddings were seen as places for meeting, but today there are many casual places for people seeking relationships beyond weddings.

The bride and groom should refrain from unnecessary meddling.

@nagisa_marry

Disrespectful reverse hospitality even while joking: ③ Tacky prizes

It's common to prepare some "party-enhancing" prizes for games or drawings at weddings.

For example, flashy underwear, contraception, scary horse masks, or colorful afro wigs.

The organizers might expect a "Yay!!" reaction when they purchase these items, but

in reality, when faced with such items, most people won't respond like comedians but will instead think, "What do I do with this...!"

Since this could put pressure on guests, the key rule is to choose prizes that everyone will definitely be happy to receive.

Tacky prizes may be fine if it’s an informal gathering among friends, but not at a wedding...!

@beautifulbell22

Disrespectful reverse hospitality even while joking: ④ Face cake during thank-you bites

The act of feeding wedding cake to good friends, known as the "thank-you bite," is a popular presentation.

For female guests, it is often seen as a delightful and lovely gesture, but the problem lies with the male guests.

Usually, a large spoon is used for men, and the spoon often can't fit in their mouths, leading to a mess of whipped cream on their faces... this is kind of a cliché.

However, few people, unless they are comedians, would find joy in having whipped cream on their face, and there is a risk of staining precious suits meant for formal occasions with whipped cream...!

Even if someone stumbles upon a ruined suit, they likely wouldn’t be able to demand, "Pay for the dry cleaning!" and would end up paying out of pocket for stain removal.

While being chosen for a thank-you bite may be appreciated, ending up with a face full of cream or a stained suit could create mixed feelings.

Audience members might find it off-putting, so caution is advised.

Disrespectful reverse hospitality even while joking: ⑤ Calls

Finally, let's introduce the commonly seen "calls" during table rounds.

Standard calls from college or work settings are sometimes made without hesitation at weddings.

However, weddings are not casual drinking parties. There may be after-parties, and guests might need to catch a flight home afterward.

Despite various circumstances, if the bride and groom call out, guests may find themselves obligated to drink...!

While it's acceptable for guests to initiate calls themselves, the younger-themed calls should be avoided when initiated by the bride and groom.

Even among close friends, etiquette matters. Refrain from making guests the butt of jokes!

Prioritizing to liven up the atmosphere too much can lead to thoughts like, "This will definitely liven things up!" leading one to choose performances in the same vein as usual.

Teasing guests might seem entertaining, but a wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event.

Instead of the usual approach, it would be ideal to express gratitude to guests with special hospitality and behave elegantly.♡