"How to Handle Family Conflict, Divorce, and Dislike: What to Do If You Don't Want to Read the Bride's Letter?"

2021.05.26 published

【Counseling Question】Is it absolutely necessary to read the bride's letter?

We will introduce a bride's concern sent to marry's Instagram＊

<Consultation Content>

The wedding is in 4 days!

I still haven't written the letter to my parents at all. My parents are not particularly close and they have strong individual personalities.

I don't have heartwarming episodes like other brides, and I'm really struggling with what content would be appropriate ><

We asked for experiences and stories!

We reached out to brides who have had similar feelings and concerns for their responses!

Answer 1

I didn't write a letter to my family. Instead, we did games that the guests could enjoy.

The game involved having all the guests write a letter to themselves or their families 10 years in the future, and we created a time capsule together.

We plan to deliver it to everyone 10 years after the wedding.

In the end, the groom gave a speech.

Answer 2

My father and mother don't get along well, and my father was often away on a business trip. So I didn't have many episodes with my father.

Therefore, I only wrote and handed a letter to my mother and did not read it in front of everyone.

Rather than reading something that feels forced and bland, I think it’s fine to just write individual letters for each family member and hand them over.

Answer 3

I was exactly the same!

I wrote and read the letter, focusing on recent enjoyable memories and what I want to achieve in the future rather than old memories.

Answer 4

I don't get along well with my mother, but I didn't read the bride's letter.

I just casually handed over a commemorative gift and that was it!

Answer 5

This is not my story, but I heard about a bride who disliked her father and didn’t want to walk down the aisle with him.

So, they skipped the ceremony and only took a group photo, and she didn’t read a letter either.

Answer 6

I had my wedding a month ago. My entire family is not on good terms; my parents' marriage has been bad for about the last 10 years.

However, there were times when we were close, and in our case, my father's bankruptcy triggered the deterioration of their marriage, which led to less communication.

So I incorporated old memories into my letter (from when I was a baby, during childhood, and elementary school).

Even if we don’t get along, they are still family, so I included messages of gratitude to my parents and a note for my sister in my writing!

Answer 7

I'm not close with my mother and absolutely did not want to read a bride's letter lol

There’s no touching story, and I've always had resistance to showcasing that in front of people.

So I didn’t read a letter; instead, I created a short gratitude note about parenting and read that, which I handed over along with a bouquet during the bouquet presentation to my parents.

Answer 8

Since I'm not close with my family either, I don’t want to read a letter.... But my planner kept recommending it without knowing, so I'm thinking of either reading a surprise letter to my husband or a letter addressed to his family instead.

Answer 9

Hello! I can relate to the issue of how to handle the bride's letter when the family is not on good terms, so here’s my response.

My parents are divorced, but both attended the wedding.

I read the bride's letter, but I honestly found it tough since I couldn't use the standard lines like "I want to build a family like you" or write about how I respect them.

So, I spoke separately about my memories and gratitude to each parent.

For my father... I talked about how happy he was when I made his favorite dish. Walking down the virgin road together, which he said was a dream, was something I was glad to have fulfilled.

For my mother... I addressed the hardships of balancing housework, childcare, and a job. I conveyed the gratitude I realized as an adult.

The flow of the letter was:

Gratitude to the guests → Story about my father → Story about my mother → Determination to become a married couple → Gratitude to my in-laws

I mentioned how my groom's kind personality was nurtured by his parents’ love.

I expressed my desire to build a family like my in-laws. I also want to be able to raise kind children like them.

I praised my in-laws while avoiding any mention of my parents' conflict, and I did not feel compelled to say things like "I respect you"!

I hope this helps!

Answer 10

I don’t think you need to force yourself to write a bride's letter. Many people don’t read one. (According to bridal hairstylists)

Answer 11

I had been living separately from my father since graduating high school and didn’t want to talk to him until I reported my marriage. But he said, "I want to greet your father," and

when I actually went to report my marriage, I felt that the barriers were easing little by little.

In the bride's letter for the ceremony, I apologized, "I'm really sorry for not talking to you since high school and for throwing harsh words at you."

It was something I usually felt too shy to say, so I was glad I could convey it through the letter.

Answer 12

I don't get along with my mother, but I am grateful for the single-parent family that raised me, so I wrote about that.

Recently, I've heard it’s common not to read a bride's letter, so I didn’t want to end the reception with tears, so I didn’t read one and instead handed it over with a weight bear.

I felt glad seeing her happy with it.

Answer 13

I didn’t do the bride's letter performance.

When handing over the bouquet, I inserted a postcard that said, "Thank you for raising me all these years. Please continue to take care of me!” which was about 4-5 lines.

Answer 14

I don’t have a good relationship with my father, and I wasn't on good terms with my sister, and I was arguing with my mother up until the day before the wedding, so family relations are not good (´`).

However, I truly wanted to get along. I think everyone shares this feeling.

I conveyed my thanks to each person with honest feelings in the bride's letter.

"I regret not being able to call you 'Dad' and walling myself off. Please let me call you 'Dad' from now on."

"The person I am most grateful for is my Mom. I will always love you."

I think that by summoning up the courage to put my feelings into words, they came across. ^^

Answer 15

I don’t get along with my father very well, so I thought it would be difficult to talk about one long episode.

So,

"Thank you for teaching me swimming when I was in elementary school. Thanks to you, ～～～"

"Thank you for letting me go to an out-of-state university due to my selfishness. Thanks to you, ～～～,"

I made my letter more like a bullet-point list.

I wrote three points for my father and three for my mother.

Answer 16

I have my wedding in 2 days!

My family is also not close, so I won’t read a letter!

Instead, I’m incorporating my gratitude into the bouquet, the weight rice, and the upbringing movie, so I think it will come across♡

In the place card, I wrote, "We fought a lot, but from now on, I will work hard to be considerate to you! Thank you for everything from now on."

Answer 17

I had a friend who said to the MC, "The bride has written a letter for this day, but it seems she's embarrassed to present it in front of everyone, so here is a letter and bouquet gift for her parents."

Answer 18

I put together very neutral words!

"Thanks to my father's strict upbringing, I became a person who is not ashamed to go out into society, thank you."

After expressing the minimum gratitude to my parents, I quickly shifted to “to my husband’s parents.”

So, it wasn't a very emotional bride's letter; it ended quite plainly.

Answer 19

My family isn’t bad, but it’s not particularly good either (especially, I don’t have many memories with my father), so I made the letter focus on expressing my gratitude for raising me.

I think it's nice to convey that thanks to being raised, I am where I am and was able to meet the person I love!

Additionally, letting them know, "Please take care of me as a family from now on!" would also be good.

I also started to talk more with my father and brother, who I didn’t talk much with before my marriage, once I had my husband as a mediator.

I hope it will make a good letter for the new family!

Answer 20

I have a bad relationship with my mother and have spent my life with my wants, likes, and many things continuously denied.

At this marriage, I was told, "I hope you become happy, but I’m not convinced," and

the venue I chose was criticized with remarks like, "Why did you choose such a place?" and "It's supposed to be 〇〇," and when she disliked something, I was told, "Maybe I won't attend after all," weighing her attendance against my decisions.

Given this background, I apologized for doing things my way (showing rebellion against my mother's will),

but I also communicated that I walked the path I believed in and have found happiness now.

Thus, I expressed that although there may still be disagreements with my mother in the future and problems may arise, I want her to support me.

Answer 21

I had a friend who read the letter to her husband as a surprise instead of to her family.

Answer 22

It’s quite common not to write a bride’s letter, so it’s fine to skip it.

Answer 23

I work at a venue.

It may be better to use a DVD with family photos to convey feelings of gratitude instead of a letter,

or for the bride to give a speech without having a ceremony for expressing gratitude to her parents.

Answer 24

I don’t think it’s necessary to read a bride's letter!

Even though I was on good terms, I didn’t want to make it a spectacle, so I didn’t read one. If I were to write, it would just focus on thanking them for raising me, as that’s the essence.

Answer 25

I think you shouldn’t feel obligated to write.

Letters are not essential.

Answer 26

I didn’t write a bride's letter at all. I didn’t give one either.

I only presented gifts like bouquets!

Answer 27

I'm not so much on bad terms as I dislike conveying my feelings in front of everyone, and I felt embarrassed, so I handed over a parenting gratitude letter instead.

Answer 28

I don't think you need to force yourself to write.

We shared the opinions of everyone who responded♡

It’s just before the wedding, and we introduced concerns like "I don’t want to read the bride's letter, or I do not know what to do."

Even among families, relationships are varied. While it’s ideal to be close, that’s not the case for everyone.

We want the wedding to be the happiest moment.

If eliminating the letter lightens your feelings, then that's a legitimate choice,

and perhaps in the future, you may find that reading it brings you relief...?

In any case, I hope that in the future, you can look back on that choice confidently and positively!

Wishing all the brides whose wedding day is this weekend a wonderful ceremony filled with happiness♡

➡ If parents are divorced or remarried, how should I invite them to the wedding?

➡ If my parents are divorced, is it okay for them both to attend the wedding? 【52 experiences】