"I Won't Get Married! Is a Wedding and Engagement Different When the Groom is a 'Muko Yōshi' (Adopted Son-in-Law)?"

2018.06.14 published

Marriage Ceremony in the Case of "Groom Adoption" *

Marriage is a connection between families. Due to various circumstances, there are a few people who, instead of going to the groom's house as a bride,

bring a groom to their own house. *

In such cases, the positions and order of the bride and groom in a typical wedding ceremony are completely reversed.

☑ The dowry is three times the usual amount given from the groom's family to the bride's family.

☑ The invitations are addressed with the bride's name on top (left).

☑ The sign at the reception venue also has the bride's name on top (left).

☑ The introduction of relatives starts with the bride's family.

☑ The head table is set up with the bride on the left and the groom on the right, facing the audience.

☑ The guest tables also have the bride's side on the left and the groom's side on the right.

☑ When announcing the names of both families, the bride's side goes first.

☑ The speech from the main guest comes from the bride's side.

☑ The thank you speech is given by the bride's father.

☑ The festivity wrapping (noshi) has the bride on the left and the groom on the right.

These are the basic rules for a wedding ceremony in the case of groom adoption.

However, due to various circumstances,

there are many who say, "I want to have a regular wedding," or

“I want to know how actual weddings differ from the basic rules.”

Here are experiences collected from readers of marry who have adopted a groom. *

Experience of a Wedding Ceremony in the Case of Groom Adoption 1

Nice to meet you! I am bringing in a groom. I will hold my wedding ceremony in November.

I did not have a dowry,

but we had a meal meeting with our parents and the six of us for our first introduction.

Since it’s groom adoption, I took care of the setting and payment for the venue.

The final greeting at the wedding ceremony will be made by my father.

The planners said it was fine regardless of which parent did it, but we decided on my side just to be safe!

Experience of a Wedding Ceremony in the Case of Groom Adoption 2

We also had a groom adoption. We did not have a dowry and each family provided funds for preparing for our new life together.

At the wedding ceremony, both the opening and closing speeches were made by the groom, the letter was from the bride to her parents,

and the representative speech from the parents was made by the bride's father.

Also, at the wedding ceremony, the name sign was placed with the bride's side on top.

Since in cases where the normal pattern is reversed for the dowry, new life, or wedding funds, there may be a significant amount of money involved,

I recommend discussing this thoroughly between families.

Experience of a Wedding Ceremony in the Case of Groom Adoption 3

I attended the wedding of a friend who adopted a groom.

There was a letter from the bride, and the final greeting was from the groom's father.

What was different from other ceremonies was that there was a message from the groom to his parents.

And the speech from the groom's father was the most touching of any ceremony I have attended 😢

I remember feeling the joy and sadness of sending off a son so vividly ✨

Experience of a Wedding Ceremony in the Case of Groom Adoption 4

I am planning to adopt a groom.

We did the dowry in a reverse pattern.

Although the wedding is upcoming, the name arrangements for the ceremony will be the same as those for a bride adoption,

and I plan to ask my parents for the closing greeting.

The letter from the bride to her parents will also be done just like usual.

Experience of a Wedding Ceremony in the Case of Groom Adoption 5

I'm not bringing in a groom, but I took my wife's surname.

Although it is generally considered a "groom adoption," our household registration is under just the two of us.

The wedding was basically conducted as normal.

The toast was from the bride's side, and the bride's letter was also read.

The closing greeting was given by the groom's father. Although the venue staff mentioned that "most weddings for groom adoption follow the reversed pattern,"

since we are not actually adopting a son-in-law, we did things our way.

As long as both families have discussed this and come to an understanding, I don't think we need to worry too much about the formalities.

Experience of a Wedding Ceremony in the Case of Groom Adoption 6

I also brought in a groom, and we held our wedding ceremony on May 3.

We consulted with our parents and the venue staff and decided the following...

The toast at the reception was made by the bride's side 👰

The closing remarks were also made by the bride's side 🤵

The order of speeches had the bride's side speaking first, followed by the groom's side.

We read a letter from the bride!

First, I expressed my gratitude to my parents who raised me, and then to the groom's parents, who accepted our marriage 🙌

Finally, my father spoke on behalf of both families with the closing remarks.

Experience of a Wedding Ceremony in the Case of Groom Adoption 7

I’ve brought in a groom!

We held both the wedding and the reception.

We did not have a dowry.

Toasting remarks were from the bride's side.

The final remarks were from the bride's side.

The bride’s letter expressed my everyday gratitude.

Experience of a Wedding Ceremony in the Case of Groom Adoption 8

I also brought in a groom!

For the flow of the reception, we chose the method that seemed smoother for the guests.

The dowry was a simple family introduction at a place chosen by the bride.

The main guest's speech was given by the groom’s company supervisor.

The toast was done by the bride’s company supervisor.

Letters were given from both the groom and the bride.

The closing remarks were made by the groom's father.

Experience of a Wedding Ceremony in the Case of Groom Adoption 9

I’m also bringing in a groom!

🍀 The dowry was paid from the bride's family to the groom's family. We used double the market rate for the dowry and green wrapping for the gifts.

🍀 The toast was given by the groom's side.

🍀 The final remarks were read by both fathers as a shared thank you from both families.

🍀 The bride's letter was not read. Instead, I handed a letter to my mother in the preparation room.

🍀 As it was a traditional wedding, my mother performed the red tassel ceremony in the preparation room.

💎 The directions at the hotel entrance for guests were presented in the usual order, with the groom's family listed first.

💎 The reception basically followed the same flow and performances as in a bride adoption wedding.

We did our best to avoid showing that it was a "groom adoption" at the reception.

We had informed our workplaces beforehand about the groom adoption,

and considering the feelings of the groom’s relatives, we felt it best not to make it obvious during the reception…

Of course, the groom's parents were on board with it, but in a rural area 😅

there are some older people who might frown upon the idea of groom adoption, and I also wanted to avoid any negative perceptions about the bride being too forward 😡.

Since we could let our workplaces and friends know, we decided not to widely announce it. 💡

Later, we sent out thank you cards with photos to those who attended the wedding, addressed to the groom’s new surname 📮

There Are Many Patterns!

A wedding is a matter for both families. There are rules, sentiments, and ideals to consider. *

If you have concerns, don't feel like you have to bear them alone—talk it over with everyone involved to find a solution!