"I'm Grateful but Want to Decline: What to Do When Someone You Don't Want to Invite Says They Want to Join?"

2018.10.28 published

What to do if someone not on the guest list says "Invite me!"?

Compiling a guest list for a wedding can be quite challenging.

Balancing the number of seats, the representation of both the groom's and bride's sides, and budget considerations create a compromise.

However, despite spending so much time deliberating over the guest list,

it’s not uncommon for unexpected comments to shatter it all.

For instance, last-minute cancellations by friends or relatives who were thought to definitely come, or family tragedies — the reasons can vary greatly.

The concern shared via DM on marry's Instagram this time is:

"A guest not originally on the invite list said they're looking forward to the wedding! Definitely invite me!!"

The details are as follows:

The individual in question is a supervisor at the workplace. Initially, the consultant asked to invite this person to the reception, but was told,

"I can’t participate in the reception due to work commitments, but I'd like to join the after-party."

However, the consultant preferred that this person only attend the reception and does not wish to invite them to the after-party...

What would you do if you were in such a situation?

Here are some responses shared by everyone:＊

Response 1

I gently declined by saying it's just for family 😊

Response 2

I was asked the same. (For the reception)

I declined due to the number of guests...

But since I felt bad, I invited them to the after-party.

→ Perhaps because I declined, I wasn't invited to their wedding later.

Response 3

Considering the future, I decided to invite them.

Since this person is a senior from work with whom I will continue to interact, I wanted to keep things amicable,

so I told myself to be an adult! Laughing 🙌

Response 4

I said that it’s already full in terms of the number of guests ☆

My after-party was held with a very low fee,

so I said, "I’m sorry, but there’s a limit to the number of guests the restaurant can accommodate at this price."

Response 5

I said something like "I have many relatives..." or,

"I can’t invite you due to the number of people," indicating that even if I wanted to invite them, I can’t, and I declined σ(^_^;)

Response 6

If it were me, for the after-party,

- I would focus mainly on friends from school,

- Balance the numbers with my husband's side,

- While I’d love to invite others, it's mostly my closest friends, so there might not be anyone to talk to!?

I would convey that the guest list is already decided and gently refuse.

Response 7

I received a request to participate from someone I didn't wish to invite.

After much contemplation, I ultimately decided that I couldn't say no and invited them.

Many declined for reasons related to numbers!

Depending on the relationship, some people respond with a more adult approach and invite those who want to attend (which leads to more seating arrangements to worry about...).

However, it seems many folks prefer to gently refuse by citing the number of guests.

The sentiment of wanting to celebrate the wedding is truly heartwarming.

Refusing can be quite distressing, but if you're ever in a bind, please consider these suggestions...!