Can Friendships Between Men and Women Work? Do Couples Maintain Harmony? The Dilemma of Inviting Exes to Weddings!

2018.07.07 published

Whether or not to invite an ex to the wedding.

Hello! I’m Haruno Tsuzaki, the editor-in-chief of marry＊

We’re starting a section where we share everyone’s responses to the “bride-to-be's concerns” that arrive in the DMs of marry’s Instagram!

Today’s concern is as follows!

“Do people invite their ex-boyfriends to their weddings?”

That’s the question.

When I first heard this, I thought,

“Huh! Isn’t it normal not to invite them?”

“I mean, is there really anyone who would go out of their way to invite an ex?”

“Isn’t that likely to create a really tense atmosphere?”

But upon further reflection, when it comes to weddings among local friends or coworkers, it’s common for people to have had relationships with different people before starting their partnerships...

Such scenarios happen quite frequently.

Therefore,

“It feels unnatural to invite everyone from the workplace but not the ex-boyfriend”

or

“It seems a bit excluding not to invite the only ex when inviting all my 10 close local friends...”

it seems to lead to such conclusions.

Given that, it certainly might be a troubling issue.

We gathered many responses, so let me introduce them＊

Response 1

My husband invited his ex-girlfriend as part of his friend group 😅

I met her for the first time and had our first conversation at the wedding.

The other person was already married and pregnant, so I assumed there were no romantic feelings on either side, but I was still a bit reluctant...

Response 2

I’m scheduled to hold a wedding in November.

I don’t plan to invite my husband’s ex-girlfriend!

However, I will invite one of my ex-boyfriends who is also a friend of my husband (laughs).

My husband knows about my past relationship with him!

My husband and I are seniors and juniors from the same high school club 🏀

Back in school, we were both dating other people, and I was with my husband’s teammate 💑

Since we still get together with members of the club,

I’ll invite my ex-boyfriend as “my husband’s friend” without regard to my past relationship!

Response 3

It might seem unnatural to others, but for me, I want to keep things separate,

and since it’s my wedding with my partner, I definitely won’t invite my ex (ﾉ_<｡)

This is a new beginning, and I want to cherish new connections✨

Response 4

I’m in the process of planning my second wedding after my second marriage.

I invited my husband’s ex-girlfriend to my first wedding (since we were in a friend group).

Other people I had a past relationship with also attended without my husband's knowledge. (laughs)

I think the key issue is whether the partner (husband or boyfriend) cares or doesn’t care.

My current partner is absolutely against such things, so I wouldn’t do it.

What my partner feels uncomfortable with is what I want to avoid the most.

Response 5

I was invited to my ex-boyfriend’s wedding 😂

He broke up with me to marry someone after cheating on me and getting her pregnant, and then he invited me to his wedding, which is quite nerve-wracking...😅

He said, “I thought it would be nice if you find a great match at my wedding,” but I inwardly thought, “Who would go👊💢”

I marked ‘will attend’ on the invitation, and in the margins, I wrote about the fun memories from our time together (for the sake of his wife seeing too), and then I ended up absent on the day🙌

That was the greatest revenge of my life. (laughs)

It was quite an event, but it's now a funny story, so I hope anyone feeling sad can find solace in knowing they’ll laugh about it someday😊💓

Response 6

In my husband’s college friend group of seven, there’s an ex-girlfriend among them 🤣

Six years after graduation, they’re still close enough to meet for drinks!

Nevertheless, for the wedding, my husband decided to invite everyone but the ex-girlfriend.

Response 7

I didn’t date this person, but I invited someone I had long admired to my wedding!

My admiration for this person began back in school when I learned about them through a social media platform that was popular at the time.

I came to know them as they were from a neighboring school!

I really liked their fashion sense, both them and their girlfriend at the time!

It was someone I always dreamed of knowing.

After I graduated from high school and started working, I thought, “Wait, that person looks familiar,” and when I asked around, it turned out to be them!

My work got so much better after that! (laughs)

We gradually became friends and discovered we had common hobbies, eventually hanging out as a group!

Now, they feel like a brother-like friend to me☺️

Response 8

I would invite just a person I liked!

My husband didn’t know about them🙄

But I definitely wouldn’t invite an ex or anyone my husband knows I had feelings for.

I’m a bit uneasy about ex-girlfriends too 😊💦

Response 9

My ex-boyfriend was a classmate from high school, and we dated in college.

We both worked at the same part-time job, and we had most of the same friends.

After our breakup, I met my husband, but coincidentally, the company my ex joined after graduation turned out to be my husband’s workplace...!

My ex became my husband’s junior and formed a friendship with my husband, leading to more mutual friends😅

Naturally, we no longer hold any feelings for each other and are just friends like we were in high school.

I asked my husband if I should invite my ex when we were making the guest list, and he was very supportive, so I decided to invite him^^

It would have felt awkward to not invite him when I was inviting everyone from our part-time job in college, so I’m glad both my husband and ex have that kind of character! (laughs)

Response 10

I invited my ex-boyfriend, and my husband invited his ex-girlfriend🤣

My ex-boyfriend is a friend of my husband from university.

My husband’s ex-girlfriend was from his hometown and I had also hung out with her, so I wasn’t bothered at all🙋‍♀️💕

Both my husband and I treated it as a humorous story that we laughed over🤣

Response 11

My husband’s college ex-girlfriend came to our wedding.

Since we were part of the same club, I invited her as a guest.

On the day, she celebrated with us as one of the club members.

She took a lot of photos and sent them to my husband later via LINE.

By the way, I also invited a senior from my club that I had a crush on during middle school, but he couldn’t attend due to work commitments.

Response 12

My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend is still hanging around.

I understand there are no romantic feelings from him, but I find her presence unpleasant.

Let alone consider inviting her to my wedding 💒.

Response 13

He was just a high school friend (ex-boyfriend), but we're still close as a group,

and neither of us has any lingering feelings, plus we both have partners now, so I’m not concerned.

My husband also doesn’t mind such things, so I plan to invite him!

Response 14

I invited someone I used to date as a guest!

Of course, I didn’t reveal this to my husband (laughs)

Now we’ve become good understanding friends♡

Response 15

I invited my ex-boyfriend because we are still close friends.

Now, my husband has also become friends with him, and we all go out and have fun together.

Response 16

My husband’s college group includes an ex-girlfriend, and since she is married now, I’ll invite her without any concerns!

Response 17

I certainly didn’t invite my ex-boyfriend, but I did invite someone I used to like from a part-time job.

We didn’t date, and since all the coworkers were invited, there was no particular issue.

However, it seems more people tend to not invite their exes 🤔

Response 18

I was invited to a wedding by a boy I had dated for one month out of a seven-year friendship.

While I thought it might be uncomfortable for his wife, considering we broke up four years ago and we are both getting married,

it would look unnatural if I was absent among some group friends, so I decided to attend.

Therefore, I also invited him to my wedding.

I hadn’t told our mutual friends about our past dating, so there were no issues inviting him.

We are now good friends.

Response 19

I’ve invited my ex-boyfriend from college to my wedding!

I met my husband within the club that my ex-boyfriend started.

Initially, I was dating someone else, and my husband was in a relationship too, so we became friends within the group 🤗

Later on, my husband and I broke up with our partners and started dating each other!

For us, the club was where we met, and I wanted to invite those friends.

So, I invited my ex-boyfriend, and as long as he is okay with it, I wanted him to attend.

I haven't sent the invitation yet, but I’ve already received a positive reply, so he is scheduled to join us as a guest.🙋‍♀️

Response 20

I decided not to invite any friends of the opposite sex!

Inviting an ex-boyfriend makes it unclear what the wedding is for, so I think it’s best to choose really important people (o^^o)

Response 21

I would invite a casual ex-boyfriend from my student days, but I haven’t told my husband!

I wouldn’t invite someone I truly loved (╹◡╹）

Response 22

I can’t invite my ex-boyfriend since it would make everyone awkward, but I did invite someone I used to like!

I felt happy that I could show them my happy self, so it felt good to get back at them in a nice way (laughs)

Response 23

He’s not someone I had feelings for, but I invited a male best friend to the reception.

I worried that it might be odd to have a male friend sit among the bride’s party.

However, since this man is known and friendly with my whole family, and my husband knows him too, I decided to invite him.

I initially thought of not inviting him just because he's male, but my husband asked, “Are you not inviting (his name)?” so I got confirmation, and I was able to invite him.

Being in an open relationship like this would prevent any misunderstandings with relatives, but

for those who are not closely acquainted, it might give off a bad impression to think, “Oh, that’s her ex-boyfriend...” and it might make him feel uncomfortable too.

Response 24

If it were just someone I had a crush on and I never confessed, I might invite them.

However, if others know I liked them or if I confessed, it’s safer not to invite them.

Since there will be relatives at the wedding, especially an ex-boyfriend should definitely not be invited.

I believe even friends in the same circle would know that, and if I were in my husband’s position, I wouldn’t want my partner to invite their ex.

Response 25

Since my husband wouldn’t like it if I invited someone, I decided not to invite them as well.

If I had invited them, I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on the ceremony...😢😢😢

Even if I think from the perspective of an ex-girlfriend, I wouldn’t be angry about not being invited.

Actually, I wouldn’t want to be invited if it’s just going to make everyone else uncomfortable.

I feel sorry for the bride. Even if we returned to being friends, it’s still a fact that they are an ex...

Response 26

My husband is inviting his ex-girlfriend as one of his friend group.

It happened years ago, and since I’ve been chosen as his wife, he’s inviting her with confidence.

I don’t know how the ex-girlfriend feels, but if she wants to attend, I think it’s best to not let it bother anyone...

Survey results are here＊

I shared many opinions, and here are the survey results!

A whopping 78% of respondents answered “I won’t invite them,” but perhaps this figure includes those who don’t have exes among their friends...?

It seems the rate of inviting ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends is much higher among people who have dated or married within a local or work friend group.

Either way, let’s think about each other so that the bride and groom can have a happy wedding and married life together♩