"Everyone Fights at Least Once! Wedding Preparations: What Points Do Men and Women Disagree On?"

2018.08.27 published

It's tough when my husband and I can't agree...!!

We are currently running a Yahoo Chiebukuro-style project where we share concerns received on marry's Instagram and ask our followers for real-life experiences and advice ♡

➡ Past concern consultations

This time, we asked, "What kinds of arguments do couples have while preparing for their wedding? Where does everyone have disagreements? And how do they resolve them???"

Stories of couple arguments during wedding preparations 1

We often fought during our wedding preparations too, haha.

I got frustrated that my husband wasn’t doing anything, feeling like it was all on me, and

we often rushed through our assignments before the next meeting...

There were many instances where we didn’t see eye to eye 💦

The disagreements primarily revolved around performances and outsourced gifts.

I had a lot of ideas because I had gathered information from Instagram and the internet, wanting to do certain performances! I wanted to arrange gifts and invitations myself instead of relying on the venue!

Thus, I had many wishes.

Most of the time, he would say, "It’s fine, do as you like," and we could discuss and decide on things together without major conflicts,

but my husband often thought, "You don’t need to be so particular about it,"

which created a gap in our enthusiasm and took some time for him to understand.

Although the outsourced items that I carefully selected ended up costing a lot,

we had initially agreed to split the costs, so there were no disputes about that.

We shared costs for wedding shoes, pre-shoot dresses, and the groom's pre-shoot attire, which meant there was no need for compromise.

While we had some conflicts, we focused on planning joyfully together and prepared for our wedding happily! 💓

The various things that happened during our wedding preparations are now good memories 💓

Stories of couple arguments during wedding preparations 2

We have a wedding planned for this fall, and we had disagreements from the very moment we made our contract.

We contracted last fall, but my husband was worried about the costs and wanted to save money over time if possible,

preferring to have the wedding after winter, while I wanted to hold it by autumn.

If we postponed until after this winter, there would be too long a gap since we registered, and during winter, everyone tends to spend more, making it a bigger burden for guests to attend.

(Especially since many of my husband's friends and colleagues enjoy winter sports and are likely to be on the slopes on weekends, making attendance at the wedding more unlikely).

So I pushed through my preference.

In return, I promised to be careful about the burden of preparations and costs not becoming excessive.

After the meetings began, we haven’t had many conflicts.

I accept what my husband wants to do or has chosen,

and for things he doesn’t have strong wishes about, I am careful to keep them within the planned budget.

Also, we discuss our hopes with each other before meetings to avoid disagreements.

Particularly with floral arrangements, since costs can accumulate, we requested that for guest tables, we stay within the plan, and for the head table, we add up to 30,000 yen.

We decided on an image color that fits the atmosphere of the venue and the dress, and by leaving the choice of flowers to them, we were able to keep costs down.

Writing down what each of us wants and discussing what can be compromised and what can’t is the best approach.

Another important point is not to think too much that the bride is the main character.

From the groom's parents' perspective, the groom is also a main character, so it’s important not to deny what he wants and try to incorporate his wishes as much as possible.

For our wedding, some elements my husband wanted included the color of the invitations and napkins, and performances (he wanted a flash mob or a guessing game for the dress color)!

We decided on the invitations and napkins based on his preferences,

and when he proposed performances that everyone would enjoy, such as a flash mob or guessing the dress color, I suggested that if it was about "performances that everyone would enjoy," then perhaps a lottery would excite people of all genders and ages more? So, we decided to incorporate a lottery!

Honestly, I was internally thinking, "I absolutely don’t want to do a flash mob," "I can’t dance, there’s no space, and I'm already overwhelmed with preparations, so practicing for dance is impossible,"

and "while the color-guessing game is fun, it feels exhausting to prepare for,"

but I kept that to myself, and we were able to discuss it calmly without fighting!

When faced with their proposal and having something you don’t want to do or another wish,

it’s vital to exaggerate how happy you are with their suggestion while subtly guiding the conversation toward your preferences, suggesting alternatives that may work better.

To avoid conflicts, it’s essential not to push too aggressively for your own ideas and to take into account the other person's wishes; during discussions, it helps to avoid dismissing their opinions and to find compromises that keep the planning process smooth.

So, for now, our discussions and preparations are progressing peacefully 💕← I’m largely getting my way, though, haha. I hope this helps! ✨

Stories of couple arguments during wedding preparations 3

I’m also in the midst of preparations right now.

My fiancé and I had some disagreements about how to make the profile movie.

He wanted something sentimental and emotional, while I preferred a bright soundtrack.

When we were unsure about what to do, we happened to have a meeting with the venue's staff, and I consulted them about our differing opinions.

The staff member suggested a possible approach, and taking that into account, we managed to come up with a consensus together.

Stories of couple arguments during wedding preparations 4

We had a complete mismatch in opinions over the BGM!

He preferred Western music, while I was pushing for Japanese music...

So we decided that [the BGM for the bride's entrance and the bride’s letter would be chosen by me from Japanese songs],

and for the other scenes, [the groom could freely choose from songs we both liked from Disney].

I left all the BGM to him, in return for him allowing me to take charge of the photo album’s composition and floral arrangements ◎

While disagreements may increase, our ceremony ended up being so enjoyable that we would love to do it all over again ♡

Stories of couple arguments during wedding preparations 5

I also had a lot of disagreements with my fiancé.

In our case, he paid for almost everything, but the design and ideas were all mine, which naturally led to conflicts, haha.

So even though I had ideas of what I wanted to do, he often said it was too tight budget-wise.

Thus, I consulted with friends who had attended many weddings.

As a result, I learned:

"While table decorations and spatial coordination are important, what guests are really looking at are the bride and groom!!

Honestly, most of your friends won’t even remember the table decorations."

Through discussion, we realized the importance of this.

Until then, I thought I wanted lavish table blooms and to do something different, but we changed where we spent money and decided to invest it in ourselves instead!

Of course, we focused our budget on outfits, food, creative elements for the first bite, bouquets, and gifts that people would see,

while cutting back wherever we could, even by small amounts like 2,000 yen, and we secured various things from those who had already gotten married!

In the end, we received rave reviews from almost 100 friends!

Ultimately, what I want to say is that "It’s essential for both of you to align your opinions and decide where to focus your budget."

Doing so naturally reduces conflicts and allows you to allocate funds where everyone will appreciate them!

Honestly, decorations and the venue ambiance are just for our personal satisfaction, and others don’t remember those details, haha.

What everyone wants to see is the two of you.

Regarding the budget, I think it’s necessary to stick to non-compromise areas and decide where to take a step back, creating a clear distinction.

Stories of couple arguments during wedding preparations 6

We argued overall about flowers, paper items, and so forth, haha.

My enthusiasm for the wedding was so high that it felt like my husband wasn’t helping me at all. 😭

Looking back, he was trying really hard in his own way! 😂🤚

From our discussions, it became clear that he didn’t really know how to contribute to the wedding preparations. 😊

If I want him to do something by a certain time, I need to communicate that clearly: "I would like this done by this date and want you to handle this part.” Otherwise, he won’t quite get it, haha.

Through the ups and downs, we put in the effort together and ended up having a perfect wedding with no regrets! 💓

Stories of couple arguments during wedding preparations 7

Initially he said I could do as I please, but as we progressed, he started pointing out how expensive the outfits and floral arrangements were,

and he said the album should be basic and only contain the minimum data necessary.

The issue wasn’t so much the content but that he said I could do my own thing and then later became picky, which caused arguments.

I wished he would have just taken the time to research instead of leaving it all to me from the get-go.

In the end, my parents helped a bit, and I made some compromises.

However, because our opinions diverged, he started suggesting ideas as we moved into the latter part of the preparations, and we could work on it together.

If it hadn’t been for these earlier disagreements, I believe it would have turned out as just my wedding. But because we clashed, it became our wedding.

Overall, clear and thorough discussions are key.

Stories of couple arguments during wedding preparations 8

There were endless issues we had disagreements over.

☑ Trying something new

☑ Doing things others haven’t done

☑ Seeking Instagrammable moments

This was my desire, while my British husband was skeptical about turning things into a complete event, preferring to simply "want to share a joyful day with loving family and friends"

and to have a relaxed wedding without worrying about time.

Striking a balance proved challenging, and providing a comfortable space, timetable, and meal that caters to all cultures was quite difficult.

We relied on our planner to mediate and engaged in discussions repeatedly.

It’s important to realize that you can’t have everything your way, so compromises are necessary except for the few non-negotiable things.

Stories of couple arguments during wedding preparations 9

I was trying hard to keep to a low budget, and even though my fiancé assured me, "You can do what you want," he then began to complainwhen I chose the most expensive floral decoration from the options (I was determined to focus on decorations above all else).

The cheapest flower arrangement per table was 8,000 yen.

What I wanted was 15,000 yen.

My dress was custom made online, so much cheaper that I couldn't even say the price.

All of my friends had dresses in the 500,000 yen range...

I thought it was fine since it wouldn’t end up costing an extra million...

However, he didn’t understand any of my feelings because I hadn’t communicated them.

He had never been to a wedding, and none of his friends had gotten married yet.

In the end, I caved.

But I think giving in was a foolish thing.

It was my dream wedding, and once I gave in once, I felt like, "Oh, I can’t have that...," and I became disheartened and started to abandon everything.

After that, I found myself yielding again and again without expressing my ideas just to avoid arguments.

Therefore, I realized I must express even the smallest wishes!

Stories of couple arguments during wedding preparations 10

I asked him to list "the things he absolutely cannot compromise on," and other than that, I have been given full freedom to decide.

(In reality, I’m doing all the preparations...)

But I also have things that are non-negotiable, so if there's overlap, the one doing the preparations (me) takes priority. (^ ^)!

Stories of couple arguments during wedding preparations 11

There haven’t been any major disagreements, but we argued because my partner was completely leaving things up to me.

I would appreciate it if he showed some consideration by asking if there was anything he could do.

May both of your weddings be a success! ♡

The wedding is a celebration for both of you.

More broadly, you could say it’s a celebration for two families as well.＊

So while it’s nice to have freedom, it’s also a bit lonely when one person just takes a backseat.

However, as a bride, it's also difficult when the groom has a differing opinion and insists on it...

It’s crucial to find compromises without denying each other’s perspectives and to cherish yourself and your loved one,

making the preparation phase a happy and loving experience! ♡

➡ If you fight over money, it’s recommended to bring in a financial planner to help discuss things.