How to Arrange or Avoid Traditional Wedding Elements like Veil Dismissal and Bride's Letter When There's No Family?

2019.07.18 published

Family cannot attend due to death/divorce/conflict. What should we do for the wedding ceremony?

Many couples are facing various circumstances where their father or mother cannot attend the wedding.

Some may be wondering, "What should we do about performances involving family?"

In many ceremonies and receptions, there are elements featuring the fathers and mothers of the bride and groom.

Is it okay not to do them? Or should we ask someone else?

This is a delicate topic, making it hard to consult with friends who have already had their weddings.

@nagisa_marry

Therefore, in this article, we will introduce how previous brides have handled standard family-involved performances that are common in weddings and receptions.

If your parents have passed away or if your family cannot participate due to divorce or conflict, please take this as a reference.

Wedding performances when family has passed away/divorced/are in conflict ① Introducing relatives

First, let’s talk about the introduction of relatives that takes place before the ceremony.

The common flow is that the fathers of both the groom and bride take turns introducing family members, but there is no rule that requires it to be only the fathers.

It can be an uncle, a brother, or even the bride and groom introducing their own relatives.

Additionally, if both families are aware beforehand that a family member has passed away or that there has been a divorce or estrangement, it is not mandatory to make that introduction at the time.

However, if a family member has died, introducing them may hold significance as a way for the close relatives to acknowledge their presence.

Wedding performances when family has passed away/divorced/are in conflict ② Chapel entrance

During the ceremony entrance scene, many brides who do not have their fathers present seem to walk down the aisle with siblings, uncles, or grandfathers.

Some have even had the escort hold a picture of the deceased father.

Of course, it can be someone female as well; let’s ask a significant person who has watched over the bride to escort her.

@a.bride9

Wedding performances when family has passed away/divorced/are in conflict ③ Veil down

The veil down ceremony is known as the final preparation from the mother to the bride.

For brides whose mothers have passed away or who cannot attend, they often ask sisters, grandmothers, or other relatives to perform the veil down.

It's also totally acceptable to enter the chapel wearing the veil without having a veil down ceremony. It’s not unusual at all to have the veil down in the bridal room with just family before entering wearing the veil.

For brides having a Shinto or Buddhist ceremony, how about incorporating the traditional "Kōzashi no Gi" in which an important person applies lipstick to the bride, completing her wedding look in a touching performance?

Wedding performances when family has passed away/divorced/are in conflict ④ [Name] Bite

A common performance involving the wedding cake during the reception is the last bite, thanks bite, or example bite. This is one of the few performances where family can participate together during the reception.

Some have had their siblings step in place of their deceased father or mother for the bites.

There are no rules that require family members from both sides to participate in the same relationship, so let’s enjoy the wedding cake performance with your loved ones!

Wedding performances when family has passed away/divorced/are in conflict ⑤ Bride's letter

A touching performance towards the end of the wedding reception is the bride's letter. It is an expression of gratitude to the parents in the bride’s own words, but if family members have passed away or if there has been a divorce, it can be challenging to decide what to write.

One bride started with "Dear Father and Mother," first conveying her feelings to her mother, and then continued with "I would like to take this opportunity to read a letter to my father in heaven."

During the letter reading, she had her mother stand holding her father’s photo.

Before the day, she worried that it might feel too somber for such a festive occasion, but on the day itself, she felt grateful she had done it from her heart.

If his family has passed away, what should the bride's letter contain?

One bride mentioned that although she hesitated, she decided to express her feelings outright, saying, "I wish I could have met and talked to his mother."

Both he and his father were deeply moved by her words.

If parents are absent due to divorce or conflict, there is no need to address this directly. Instead, convey your gratitude to those who raised you in the best possible way.

Wedding performances when family has passed away/divorced/are in conflict ⑥ Thanking Guests

At the end of the reception, the thank-you speech to the guests. If the event is hosted by both families, the father of the groom typically gives this speech, but if he is not present, the mother of the bride or an uncle, or even the groom himself, can do it.

Even if the parents are there, it is common for the groom to deliver the speech, so guests will not find it unusual.

Let your groom know in advance that "this is your role, okay?"

Incorporate standard performances for a heartwarming wedding.

We have introduced standard wedding performances for situations where family members have passed away or cannot attend.

In traditional weddings, there is no rule that states it must be only the "father or mother."

Create a beautiful wedding that conveys gratitude to both the family present and those in heaven.