If We Don’t Get Along or Feel Uncomfortable: Is It Okay to Request a Planner Change?

2018.12.17 published

【Changing Planners】Is it okay to ask?

At marry, we accept consultation requests from brides.

We pick up the inquiries we receive through DMs that seem to be common concerns and gather opinions from our Instagram followers through stories. We introduce all the feedback anonymously. ♩

This time's concern is about "compatibility with the planner."

Here’s the inquiry.

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How many of you have requested a change of planners?

I feel like I don’t really get along with my current planner, but I’m worried if it’s okay to ask for a change over such trivial matters...

Is it burdensome for a planner to change their client? I’m not really sure...

I would love to hear opinions and experiences from those who have asked to change their wedding venue planner or those who were concerned but didn’t make the change!

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We will share the gathered responses!

Relationship with the Planner 1

I have a wedding scheduled for April next year, and I changed my planner halfway through!

With each meeting, I started to feel more and more uneasy, and I consulted my husband… ☁️

I often felt discomfort due to my assigned planner’s somewhat high-handed attitude… 😭

Being told that this is a once-in-a-lifetime wedding and that I should choose someone I won't regret, I decided to change my planner.

Initially, I felt sorry about it, but the new planner was much more approachable and always concerned about us as a couple 😊💕

I truly think it was a great decision to change!

I wanted to maintain a friendly relationship with the venue until the end, so I sincerely apologized to my original planner directly.

What was once a source of constant anxiety has now become something I look forward to 😊❤️

Relationship with the Planner 2

Is it okay to change planners? I also struggled with this while preparing for my wedding.

The person who assisted me at the bridal fair was wonderful, so I was excited that I would have that person as my planner, but during the meetings, the person I first met became my planner.

They seemed quite inexperienced, being five years younger than me, but they were very humble, so I didn’t think much of it at first.

There were a total of six meetings, but as we continued, our thoughts and the planner’s thoughts began to diverge, and I grew increasingly distrustful due to not receiving responses to my requests via email.

After the fourth meeting, I discussed with my husband that it would inconvenience the venue and give them a bad impression. I struggled many times,

but not wanting to feel uneasy while preparing for my wedding, I made the painful decision to call the bridal salon to request a change of planners.

Fortunately, the person I spoke to on the phone was very warm, and I felt my concerns disappearing.

During our first meeting after that, I received an apology from a supervisor and the person in charge.

They sincerely apologized for giving us distrust when we were supposed to have our wedding there.

The new planner is a very experienced planner, almost like a mother figure, and I was very supported until the day of the ceremony.

Looking back, I realize I had many worries as a prospective bride.

To resolve even one worry, I think it’s best to consult those around you.

Relationship with the Planner 3

My planner had been in the business for ten years, which was reassuring in a good way. However, in a bad way, they felt quite rigid, and I had a strong image of planners being of the same generation as me.

I often felt uneasy with the planner's approach and lack of familiarity...

But I felt it would be wrong to change planners at a venue I liked...

In the end, I called my planner and said, “I appreciate your reassuring approach, but I would like it to be a bit more casual.

Since I’ve met you, I don't want to change planners.” After sharing my feelings over the phone, I realized I was crying, haha.

It was very awkward to meet at the next meeting, but we ended up running into each other on the train, and after chatting there, we became very close.

From that point on, the planner became like an older sister, and every meeting was enjoyable. On the final day, when I gave flowers to the planner, they cried tears of joy (^^)

If you have even a small desire to continue working with your planner, I encourage you to express it honestly.

You can always change your planner later if needed♪ I’m sure your feelings will be communicated to the planner, and you can build a good relationship (^^)

Relationship with the Planner 4

I did change my planner 💦

The person who guided me around the venue was assigned as my planner, but from their attitude and appearance, both my husband and I felt quite negative about them...

After some events that made me lose trust, I discussed with the manager and requested a change.

Since we are all human, there will be a fit or lack thereof.

However, preparing for a wedding involves a lot of considerations, and since it's a stressful experience, if there are issues with the planner, it could make it harder to enjoy the preparations 💦

I think it was good that I made the change early on 😣

Relationship with the Planner 5

I changed my planner 😊

As a result, I was able to have a very satisfying ceremony🥰🌸

It was easier than I had worried about 😊👏🏻

Relationship with the Planner 6

I used to be a wedding planner.

Because a wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event, if you feel like you want to change your planner, it’s better to do so.

It’s for the benefit of both parties.

If it’s hard to speak directly, consider contacting another planner via phone or in other ways.

Please use this as a reference.

Relationship with the Planner 7

I used to be a planner✨

In reality, changes of planners are not frequent, but they do happen occasionally!

Some have changed planners due to a lot of mistakes on the planner's part, while others have changed because they felt a lack of rapport.

From the planner’s perspective, it can be shocking to hear about a change, but what’s most important is to make each couple’s wedding the best possible!

When a change occurs, I quietly wish for the couple’s happiness☆

Relationship with the Planner 8

This is coming from someone who was a planner...

I think if you have uncertainties about your planner, it’s better to consult someone else (like another staff member you talked to on the phone or a dress coordinator) and request a change.

I don’t think you can have a great wedding if you carry unresolved tensions...(>_<)

A note of caution: if there are fewer than 30 days until the wedding day, it may not be enough time for proper handovers between planners, and unforeseen issues may arise on the day.

So it would be best to consult as soon as possible☆

Meeting with your new planner before the big day to just chat a little might be a good idea too♪

Relationship with the Planner 9

From the moment I met my planner, I felt they were the right person, and I was excited about every meeting and the upcoming ceremony!

During a meeting for a friend’s wedding, I encountered another venue’s planner, and thought, “I wouldn't want this person as my planner.”

My husband was there too, and when we got home, I found out he had the same feeling!

There will be many delightful moments until the wedding, but worries and concerns will also arise. It’s essential to have compatibility with a planner who can positively collaborate with you in facing those challenges!

Relationship with the Planner 10

I work as a planner at a wedding venue.

While it’s rare, there are times when clients request a change, often because they find it difficult to discuss certain matters with a male planner or feel a lack of compatibility.

However, both male and female planners are just people. We can be affected emotionally.

Even knowing that, compatibility between people exists.

We planners strive to understand and support the bride and groom to ensure a wonderful wedding.

So if you’re feeling distrust or anxiety from the start, I hope you can work up the courage to express it before deciding to change planners.

While it would be nice to be able to intuit such things, expressing your feelings directly will further enhance our collaboration and be beneficial for both sides.

Personally, there was a time when I saw an Instagram post from a bride I was working with considering changing planners.

I truly wished she had communicated such concerns directly, which made me feel quite disheartened.

I understand that everyone wants to share their worries, but please remember that you never know who might see your post!

I believe that being chosen as the planner for both of you signifies a wonderful connection.

Please keep in mind that each connection is precious, and I’ll do my best to support you.

I hope that each of you can have a wonderful wedding.

Relationship with the Planner 11

I haven't changed my planner.

At first, I felt a bit let down that it was a male planner, but he has been detail-oriented and considerate, so I plan to stick with him until the wedding.

Relationship with the Planner 12

In my case, it wasn't that I disliked or didn’t get along; it was just a matter of circumstance.

Originally, the planner who was in charge when I visited was supposed to continue.

However, during my second visit, I learned that they would be reassigned…

I met the new planner in the spring, who was designated to take over. We planned to meet in July or August, but then the Western Japan heavy rains happened...

Due to my job in a hospital, my workplace was overwhelmed with workload,

and due to an unexpected stay from my grandmother, I wasn’t in a position to coordinate with the venue.

Then one day...

I received a notice from the venue’s manager about a house renewal.

At that point, I felt confused.

Wasn't it more important to check in on the situation after the heavy rains that affected Hiroshima?

The first planner I met was very passionate and, frankly, a bit hard for me to handle.

However, through conversations, I realized they were attentive and truly cared, which was one of the reasons I initially signed with them!

I thought to myself, “If it was that planner, they would have checked in by now.”

After discussing with my partner, we decided to change planners.

It was clear to me that the venue is local and unaffected, which I understood.

Still, there was no outreach at all, just the renewal message from the manager.

Considering we need to build trust, I felt that this situation could create a significant barrier…

While I felt quite sorry, I ended up requesting a change.

The next planner assigned was actually the supervisor of the one I first met, and I had already met him briefly, so I was relieved about that!

You might think, “Really, just for that?” but...

The impact on mental well-being differs significantly between having a heartfelt outreach and none at all.

Also, considering that weddings involve a significant investment, I expected a corresponding level of support.

It’s an investment in a venue selected for a once-in-a-lifetime event.

Therefore, from this perspective, I wanted better support.

Of course, I recognize our own shortcomings in communication too, but I wish there had been some level of concern.

So expressing my feelings allowed for this change to happen!

Since we’re the ones spending money, it’s not acceptable to proceed with dissatisfaction leading to the big day!

Relationship with the Planner 13

About changing planners, I switched planners one month before my wedding.

With the rise of social media, it's common to connect with fellow brides and grooms at the same venue for information exchange.

During such exchanges, I discovered that my others’ planners would allow certain things that mine wouldn’t.

Given the current climate and being a bride, I clearly communicated my situation, stating that it wasn’t fair for me to be restricted and requested the change.

The venue staff listened to my thoughts and responded courteously.

Being honest about your feelings is often best. I also realized the staff is accustomed to handling these situations in the current age.

Relationship with the Planner 14

I did not change my planner, but I deeply regretted that decision 😭😭😭

Since this is a once-in-a-lifetime event, I believe I should have asked for a planner who could appropriately embody my vision (or at least someone pleasant to work with).

I highly recommend making the change to avoid regrets!

Please do your best! ><

Relationship with the Planner 15

After experiencing a mistake in the invitation arrangements that didn’t seem to be taken seriously, I became worried about the future and requested a planner change.

Relationship with the Planner 16

I changed my planner! Rather than mid-way, I made the request before meetings began, as I had someone specific in mind.

I was told that the person who assisted me during the fair would be my official planner unless I specified, which made me quite conflicted, yet I forced myself to kindly apologize and request a change.

Though it took courage, there were numerous times when I thought I had made the right choice once the meetings began!

It wasn’t that the previous person was bad, but compatibility and how well what I wanted was understood really mattered.

I wanted to enjoy the preparations for my wedding, so I have no regrets!

Even now, I feel immense gratitude for my choice.

If you continuously feel uneasy, consulting with other staff might be beneficial.

But even if you don’t align with your planner, it’s possible to make things work, and those can turn into good memories, so if you can’t change, perhaps learning to accept and enjoy is also a good approach 💕

Relationship with the Planner 17

The planner I encountered on my first venue tour didn’t sit well with me.

Upon later contacting them by phone, my partner expressed, “I’d like to request the kind staff member I spoke with when I called” rather than the initial planner.

There was no explanation that the person who guided me would become my planner, but I’m glad he spoke up early.

Relationship with the Planner 18

The initial planner was not providing helpful answers, no matter the questions; it was always, “Let’s speak after the contract is signed.”

This finally pushed my husband to his limit, prompting me to request a change via phone.

The new planner offered clear explanations and precise answers, and my wedding turned out wonderful.

However, encountering the previous planner afterward was a bit awkward.

Relationship with the Planner 19

Hello! Nice to meet you! I experienced quite a bit of worry regarding my planner too.

Initially, I thought about changing but eventually decided not to, and looking back, I’m glad I didn’t.

Preparing for my wedding, I had the most troubles with floral arrangements.

Even after several meetings with the florist, I couldn't find a satisfactory result, and the anxiety built as the wedding day approached.

At the last meeting with my planner, I shared my frustrations about the floral arrangements, and I ended up crying due to my stress.

To my surprise, the planner asked why I hadn’t mentioned it sooner, saying that if I had, they could have helped more, and encouraged me to voice any issues I had.

Since he was a male planner, there were things he might have overlooked or wasn’t aware of that a woman would feel comfortable discussing.

Fortunately, this sparked a change, leading to a more personalized preparation process, and the floral arrangements on the day were stunning!

Communication might seem challenging, but I believe planners genuinely want to hear your thoughts.

Thus, expressing your needs like, “I’d like this done differently” can be helpful!

Relationship with the Planner 20

I am a planner.

Changing your planner really has no issue at all. However, I want you to understand that we planners genuinely love weddings and always think of the couple!

Of course, everyone has unique personalities and ways of conveying feelings.

However, the same applies to any industry; both sides must be willing to meet halfway.

If someone immediately shouts, “I don’t like this planner! Change!”, I feel they might not get along with the next planner either.

Additionally, I want you to bear in mind that “money is exchanged for perceived value.”

Saying, “I don’t want to spend,” “I want to save,” while demanding top-notch service is like expecting a cheap diner to employ doormen.

A planner’s role is not to become friends with the bride or to take selfies for social media.

We serve as a bridge between the couple and the venue, helping execute their wishes within the proposed plans.

If one judges a planner only on their style, it’s an individual preference.

If a planner’s gender or age biases one’s opinion, that reflects personal feelings, sometimes discriminatory.

While wedding venues are service industries aiming to provide quality, planners must offer the best experience to brides and grooms.

Those who don’t effectively manage interactions—due to stubbornness or rudeness—will be disliked by couples too.

Thus, it’s more effective for clients to report such matters to a manager. This makes it easier for us to improve.

Watching colleagues receiving negative remarks on social media can be disheartening; we want to provide supportive experiences.

We genuinely want to help you feel happy and satisfied on your wedding day, so I hope you also consider our rights as individuals.

This mutual respect will enable us to assist you earnestly with your wedding preparations.

Introducing both the opinions of brides and planners*

During wedding preparations, if you encounter challenges or conflicts with your planner, what should you do???

We have shared both perspectives from brides and planners.

In summary from all the opinions I have gathered:

☑️ It's fine to request a change of planners.

☑️ It’s important to reflect on whether your dissatisfaction is justified (to avoid becoming a “monster complainant”).

☑️ Avoid making decisions merely based on vague feelings of liking or disliking; the receiver of the service should not always have to endure.

Thus, it's okay to express your thoughts on what you feel.

☑️ Instead of deciding “I’m changing planners!” immediately, it’s crucial to communicate specific needs, clarifying what you want and don’t want.

☑️ If you have concerns, it’s best to discuss them directly with the planner or their superior, instead of voicing complaints publicly on social media.

☑️ All planners are allies of brides.

That’s the bottom line.

The planners who DM’d us for this concern are genuinely wonderful people. Many say things like, “Even if you change, I wish you happiness in the shadows!” It feels as if they could be angels!

However!

(Shifting to a personal note), when I recalled my experience of going to a famous brand café for lunch,

I asked staff to take a group photo and received, “Eh? What? You want a photo instead of paying? Uh huh...”

I was shocked by such a response!

There are many wonderful people in the world, and most act reasonably friendly, but you sometimes encounter unbelievably strange individuals. Especially when you are a considerate person yourself, meeting one can be incredibly shocking.

So, I understand the feelings of being affected deeply by certain encounters...

Recognizing that different people exist, first, self-reflect, make efforts to understand, and if it doesn’t work, there’s no need for you to endure.

Requesting changes with planners should be entirely normal, so rather than worry, communicate your thoughts. You’ll likely find understanding and arrangements can be made.*