"What if someone says, 'I saved on transportation costs because I came with miles!'? Would you feel irritated or not?"

2019.01.16 published

What if a guest says "I got a good deal!" because of the transportation allowance?

An相談が届きました on marry's Instagram!

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I had a resort wedding in Hawaii and invited several friends.

I didn't want to impose a financial burden on everyone who took the time to come despite their busy schedules, so I decided not to accept party expenses or gifts,

and I informed them in advance that I would provide each guest with 100,000 yen for transportation costs.

Personally, I felt relieved about this arrangement, but on the day of the event in Hawaii, I overheard one guest casually say to another, "I came here on miles, so I saved the transportation costs—lucky me!"

It’s not that I particularly mind, but I feel a bit uneasy about it.

Have any of you had similar experiences?

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@eri_wedding1010

Answer 1

The miles were amassed from elsewhere, and they could have been used for something else, so they are still technically spending money… I don’t understand why you feel uneasy…😅

Answer 2

Even if they came using miles, since they are earned by that person, I don’t think they would feel like they particularly gained anything?

Answer 3

If you feel that way, you probably shouldn't have offered the transportation allowance in the first place.

It’s common to feel uneasy at weddings, but shouldn’t you be grateful that your friends took the time to come from afar?

I apologize if this sounds harsh for the bride.

The bride likely wants her wedding to be the most joyous and happy occasion, and everyone feels that way.

From the guest’s perspective, even with close friends, extravagant weddings can be somewhat uninteresting.

Having a wedding in Hawaii, with no celebratory gifts and then offering 100,000 yen for transportation to each friend sounds like a lavish wedding, doesn’t it?😅

In my experience, when I announced my wedding to my close group of friends, one of my childhood friends continuously criticized the venue and dress brand in front of everyone.

(She said the guest house style was off-putting and that since it was too expensive and had no parking, hotels are better, and all of Takami Bridal dresses were outdated and unfashionable, while I looked so cute in the imported dresses I tried on…)

I felt really uneasy, and when I consulted my mom about it, she said, "She probably just doesn’t find it interesting" or "Girls have these kinds of issues among themselves," and I thought perhaps such things happen.

Answer 4

I don’t think 100,000 yen is enough for transportation, accommodation, and food to travel to Hawaii,

so it would be better to feel grateful that they went out of their way to come to your wedding in Hawaii.

Answer 5

Although this is not a similar experience, I’m concerned about the uneasy bride, so I’ll send a message.

I heard that because they came using miles, they didn’t spend cash and felt like they saved on the transportation costs, but miles are a form of currency, aren’t they?

That person would have planned to use those miles for something else if it wasn’t for the wedding in Hawaii, right?

Conversely, there may be others who came to Hawaii without using miles and spent cash because they want to save their miles for different uses.

Moreover, not limited to overseas, attending a wedding incurs expenses for preparation and especially to travel abroad entails costs like hotel accommodation and souvenirs beyond just the flight.

In a way, while for the bride and groom 100,000 yen per person times the number of guests is a significant amount, for the guests attending a wedding overseas, it’s merely part of their travel expenses.

So, how the guests choose to use the transportation allowance, which reflects the groom and bride’s desire to host their friends and thank them for attending, is entirely up to them.

Therefore, I think the bride shouldn’t worry about that comment from the person who said they saved because they used miles.

Also, I believe that guest lacks consideration, so if you feel uneasy, it might be best to create some distance.

But if you can think of it as, "Well, that’s just their character," even if the transportation allowance was saved, they still spent money elsewhere, so you can interact with gratitude for their presence going forward.

Regretting or feeling uneasy about the bride and groom’s thoughtful gesture should not detract from the happy memories of the wedding.

Answer 6

I haven’t had a similar experience since my wedding is domestic...

I understand the feeling of “saving,” but the miles could have been used for another travel opportunity,

so in a way, I think it’s nice that they decided to use them for this occasion! 💕

Answer 7

Even though they came using miles, those miles could have been used for something else, and it's unnecessary to feel uneasy!

While the wording may be crass ☺️ laughs

Answer 8

I’m completely unfazed by it!

When or how they choose to use their miles is entirely up to them, and I'm grateful that they went all the way to Hawaii for the wedding.

Answer 9

The miles are something that guest accumulated, and if they hadn’t used them for the wedding, they could have gone on another trip with those miles.

It's a fact that they have still spent an equivalent amount of money, so while they may feel they gained something from it, that's not something to be upset about.

Or is it that you would prefer them to say they can’t accept the transportation allowance since they didn’t technically pay in cash?

The transportation allowance is a gesture of goodwill. How much you offer is also about your feelings. To be honest, it’s common for some people to have no sense of propriety and not provide anything, and others to give less than half.

If you intended to offer a sufficient transportation allowance to those guests you wanted to, then that’s good enough, right?

Even if someone said a similar thing to me, I wouldn’t care.

I've been to weddings where friends from Kansai to Kanto didn’t give me transportation fees.

But in situations with many distant guests or if I didn’t know them well, I somehow understood.

Conversely, for a wedding where I could make a day trip without needing things like shinkansen, I had a childhood friend as the party organizer, so I thought it would be tough for that group and arranged for the hotel.

It was a business hotel-type place, but it was quite convenient. I believe that reflects differences in feelings and closeness.

The decision to provide or not provide a transportation allowance is made by the bride and groom, and if someone expects something or thinks they are entitled after the fact, I would prefer they wouldn’t invite me or provide anything.

If I were in that situation, I would re-evaluate the relationship.

If friends travel all the way from Japan to Hawaii, I believe they are quite close, so I invited them because I wanted them there and I paid for their transportation costs.

On the contrary, if that guest hadn’t received a transportation allowance, they might have thought it would be financially difficult to attend.

If the friendship is such that you wanted to pay for their transportation because you wanted them to come, they shouldn’t think that way simply because they didn’t buy a full-fare ticket.

Moreover, depending on the time and airline, it wouldn’t be a day trip, and including hotel costs, it likely exceeds 100,000 yen.

Of course, there’s no rule that they must cover the full amount, but since you brought them overseas, they shouldn’t worry about whether they came using miles.

Usually, there are questions about gift money, but in all wedding-related matters, I believe they should not be expected to repay anything.

Answer 10

While it’s not as far as Hawaii, I’m planning to have a wedding in a very distant place.

Like you, I’ll communicate that I'm not accepting gift money, and I'm also going to issue transportation and hotel allowances.

I think some people might gain by using miles for the trip, but if traveling from far away, they incur not only travel expenses but also have to take time off work and arrange for their families,

the clothing and hair arrangements that generally wouldn’t be a bother become complications.

It’s certainly natural to feel uneasy, but how about thinking, "I’m glad that there are people who feel happy and gained something from coming to my wedding."

Hearing someone say they gained by using their miles definitely makes me uneasy! However, those miles were originally for trips they enjoy, so I am happy they used them for my wedding.

Moreover, unless I’m truly in a difficult financial situation, if my good friends feel they gained something even at my personal expense, I think that’s a good thing!

If one cannot feel that way, it might sound harsh, but I think it’s best not to have a ceremony where attendees carry a burden.

Of course, I understand the discomfort, and I’m currently struggling with the costs involved in a wedding. 😅

However, I hope to turn it into a humorous story with my husband: "Ugh, this is tough! But well, it ended cleanly!”

Answer 11

I haven’t had the same experience, and I think your friend’s comment should have been kept to themselves; I can understand why you feel uneasy.

I also collect miles, and I utilize my accumulated miles to go to places I desire, so I appreciate that your friend used their miles specifically to come to the wedding.

You mentioned that you conveyed you would provide 100,000 yen, so I wouldn’t be too concerned. 😌

I value my friends more than money, and I’m grateful they took the time to come all the way.

I don’t think your friend can cover the flight, hotel, meals, or souvenirs for their family and workplace by just the 100,000 yen, so they should have originally expected it to fall short.

Considering this, it might reduce any guilt you feel that they came using miles. 😌

Answer 12

You might be feeling uneasy, but I think it can’t be helped considering you wanted them to come. They likely spent some time and money to get there.

You really offered 100,000 yen! That shows your condition reflects the consideration of the individual grappling with such feelings.

But since the guest didn’t make any negative comments, that’s good. It’s better than being called stingy, right? 😂

Answer 13

I have been a guest at a wedding in Okinawa, and I thought that comment was the lowest...

I was informed there wouldn’t be a gift or transportation costs, but on the day itself, I was given 30,000 yen for transportation and even taxi fare back.

I discussed it with friends, saying I received too much even without contributing a gift!!! So, we ended up giving gifts worth around 3,000 yen for both families and ourselves to conclude things on a good note.

When I mentioned it to my husband, he said, “I don’t think you got too much. It’s normal. There’s no need to go that far; it’s rather us who miss out.”

I thought my husband’s opinion mirrored your friend's comments. Since it’s a celebration, I want to convey genuine feelings, regardless of gain or loss, which is why I decided to gift something.

My friend also gladly accepted it. People have different perspectives, and I hope fewer people feel burdened during celebratory events.

Answer 14

I do believe that your friend should have kept that internalized, and it was quite thoughtless of them to say that. 😅💦

Answer 15

I do know someone who, despite the transportation allowance being issued, had someone else sponsor their trip and stay in a business-class seat with a suite. 😂

It’s natural to want to minimize travel expenses and I don’t mind it at all! ☺️

Just having them come is appreciated! 😆

If they didn’t like it, they could have arranged the hotel and flight themselves.

Quite a unanimous response.....!!!!!

Of the 15 respondents, 13 stated, “It doesn’t really bother me, and in fact, it’s something to be grateful for since they came using their miles.”

I thought the guest saying "I gained something!" at the wedding should have been a little more conscious of the atmosphere... but this was an unexpected outcome!

It seems that brides are expected to behave in a saintly manner...!

(If only everyone could always be a saint...)

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