Is This Normal? I've Never Met My Husband's Family at All.

2019.01.29 published

【Anxiety】I've never met my husband's siblings.

Here is the相談 received by marry.

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My husband has an older brother.

That brother is married and apparently has a wife and children.

The family of my brother-in-law did not attend the wedding, and I have never had a chance to greet them.

For me, it feels strange to not have met family members! I feel uneasy and want to be recognized as family by greeting them properly!

Are there any people who have never met their spouse's family, or where their own family has never met the groom?

Is this normal?

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Here are some shared experiences!

@littlenaju

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 1

I have an older brother, but due to circumstances, we do not communicate, and therefore I also did not participate in the face-to-face meeting of both families, nor did he attend the wedding.

I conveyed all the relevant circumstances at the time of the marriage introduction, and while I initially wanted to avoid a wedding, I informed my husband about this.

The groom's family understood the situation, which led us to this arrangement.

If there are specific circumstances, I think it’s better to have a discussion until everyone is convinced.

A friend’s younger sister also had a situation where she entered marriage without greeting her family.

I’m not sure if this will be helpful, but I think there are others like us who have married without meeting family.

However, if you are getting married, I think the bride has the right to know the reasons, and the partner has an obligation to explain those reasons.

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 2

When I think about what you mean by "normal," I find it to be subjective.

My relatives and my husband’s relatives have never met. I don’t think they will meet in the future either.

Without going into details, we had a very happy wedding despite the families not meeting, and we still live together very happily.

I believe it’s better to avoid forcing meetings if it keeps both parties happier.

"Normal" or "common sense" can mean different things to different people, and there’s no clear standard.

Rather than being bound by such abstract notions, I think it’s good to contemplate what might bring happiness to ourselves and our relatives!

As a bride, you might be concerned, but I want to convey that there are also cases where not forcing meetings can lead to happiness.

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 3

In my case, I also couldn’t introduce my husband to my parents for a while.

My father allowed our marriage, but my mother was strongly against it and had a fierce personality, so I was scared of any issues and decided to get married almost in escape.

Until I registered my marriage, my husband did not meet anyone from my family. We ended up meeting unexpectedly a year after our marriage.

Therefore, we did not hold meetings such as family introductions.

In my case, I explained the situation properly to my in-laws, and they agreed, so if both in-laws and my parents understand the situation, I think this kind of case could happen.

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 4

Although they are not my husband's siblings, I have heard that my mother-in-law's family (my husband’s two uncles and grandmother) do not get along, and I have never met them.

At the wedding, we did not invite them due to my mother-in-law’s wishes.

My husband naturally accepted this, and I came to terms with it as well. I didn’t think about forcibly inviting them.

I explained it to my parents, and they accepted it without any issue, saying, "There are families like that."

I believe that the questioner might have feelings of wanting the brother's family to come... or wondering if this is okay as is since they are family...

However, I think it’s important to also accept the circumstances of your husband’s family!

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 5

Families come in various forms. Your husband may have deep problems within his family that he can’t even share with you.

Therefore, him being able to marry and have a family is probably his happiness, and if he has issues with his own family, he may want to minimize contact to protect the new family he has with you!

I met my husband’s family a few times, but my side was strange, leading to conflicts, and we haven’t met since.

My mother didn’t attend the wedding, but now we are very happy. I think you shouldn’t worry about it too much.

I think it’s fine to only focus on making your own family happy. The relationship with parents may change once grandchildren are born!

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 6

We also had our wedding without all family members present.

Since we had our wedding overseas, we had a relaxed approach without stringent rules, just inviting whoever could come.

My husband and my brother first met at my grandfather’s funeral.

A few days after returning from the wedding, my grandfather passed away, so I think he arranged that meeting.

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 7

I’m a bride-to-be! I think it depends on the circumstances, but it’s likely a normal thing.

However, my mother also thinks it’s not normal compared to others, so let me share our story.

In our case, my mother stubbornly refused to meet him, and it felt like she was saying if I wanted to marry, I should just do it.

But he insisted on meeting her, and he visited my home unannounced, taking the plunge.

This changed my mother’s attitude dramatically, and now our relationship is slightly better; she even goes out with him for meals and consults about the wedding venue.

I know you might have many worries, but I hope you have good conversations with your husband and move in a positive direction!

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 8

Although we didn’t hold a wedding, my husband's siblings and relatives live far away, so even though we got married, I haven’t greeted them yet.

We are just waiting for an opportunity.

I am concerned, but my husband’s family is quite relaxed about it, thinking we’ll meet eventually, which is comforting.

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 9

I’m already married and have started a new life, but I have never met my husband’s sister!!

I think this can happen.

My husband isn’t close with his sister, so I think it’s best not to force it ^_^

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 10

A few years ago, I got married, but my husband had cut off ties with his two sisters, so they weren’t invited to the wedding, and I’ve never seen them.

Additionally, my husband doesn’t have a good relationship with his parents, so I have only met them during the introduction and at the wedding.

I work as a planner, and cases like this happen often due to various family situations!

If there aren’t deep issues and they genuinely cannot attend due to schedules, I think it’s fine to greet them somewhere later. But if there are issues, I don’t think you need to meet. ☺️

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 11

It’s been almost a year since we registered our marriage, but I haven’t met my husband's sister either.

She didn’t attend the wedding, but I think we will meet eventually, so I’m not too worried.

Everyone has different circumstances. I think it’s okay to not be too pessimistic; we can meet when the time comes.

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 12

Both of our families live far away, so we had a face-to-face meeting dinner the day before the wedding.

Although we registered our marriage over a year before that, it was the first time our families met.

Neither my family nor my husband’s family has a very formal personality, so it was no problem.

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 13

I’m a graduate bride, and it's the same for me.

I have met my in-laws, but I have yet to meet my husband's sisters (who are half-siblings).

Both my husband and I come from distant areas with opposite directions (north and south), so we held the ceremony with just family in Tokyo.

Traveling takes time and costs, especially since my in-laws have children, so we plan to take time to greet them when we visit my husband’s hometown.

I don’t think this is normal, or I wouldn’t consider it common practice, but there are various circumstances (possibly financial reasons), so there are many ways it can work.

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 14

My immediate family is estranged from my aunt’s family. Therefore, there is no call to invite them to the wedding or meet.

I don’t think there is a need to force that meeting.

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 15

It might be a bit different, but my family has never met my husband’s family.

I have only met my husband’s parents on a couple of occasions prior to our marriage in an introductory greeting, and I’ve never met his brother and sister either.

Of course, we didn't do any engagement negotiations either, and our wedding was with just my family, based on my husband’s wishes.

Initially, I thought this wasn’t normal and expressed my concerns multiple times,

but since he has a low opinion of his family, I resigned myself to it.

My parents also understood once he said it, so my husband and I accepted that this is how things are for us!

There’s no communication between my family and my husband’s family, but my husband treasures my family a lot, which I'm very grateful for.

Perhaps there are few couples like us, but I hope you can find a style of marriage that suits you!

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 16

My husband has an older brother and a younger brother, but I have never met either.

I graduated last year, but I think his siblings don’t even know we had a wedding.

This is due to a complex family environment.

As for me, even though he’s my husband, his family relations are his own issues.

I wanted to respect his feelings about not wanting to meet them, and that hasn’t changed.

I suspect that the person reaching out also has unspoken feelings that are affecting his situation.

It’s possible he might also feel lonely about being distant from his family.

As the questioner, you are about to create a new family with him, so supporting him in his approach might be necessary.

In our case, when we decided to get married, my husband improved his relationship with his father.

Despite being distant for over a decade.

By respecting his feelings, it’s also possible that the relationship with his family might recover at some future point.

Life is complex; wishing you happiness as you build a new family with your partner.

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 17

I also have never met my husband's older sister.

I received congratulations from my siblings, but there has been no word from my husband’s sister regarding wedding, new home, or baby celebrations.

I’ve never even spoken to her on the phone.

Apparently, my husband and his sister are not close and have not been in touch, and I learned this during our relationship...

From what I’ve heard from my in-laws, it seems like his sister is busy with work or doesn’t have a good relationship with my husband, so I think it might be fine not to force a meeting. There's no point in meeting if there’s nothing to talk about or mutual interest.

However, the issue will likely arise when we face the upcoming parent care issues.

With the siblings’ poor relationship, I fear that we might face one-sided burdens imposed by our families.

I find that incredibly unpleasant.

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 18

I have never met my husband's younger brother either.

I don’t think it’s normal at all!!!!!

In our case, my husband's parents divorced when he was a college student, and he was raised by his father while his younger brother and sister were taken in by their mother.

I occasionally met his younger sister during our relationship when my husband took me to see his mother, but I never met his younger brother as he lives alone in Tokyo.

After several years of dating, we registered our marriage, had a wedding overseas, and held a reception, where we invited his mother, younger brother, and younger sister, but his younger brother canceled on the day.

I was so excited to finally meet him at the reception, so I was really disappointed; canceling last minute is utterly inconsiderate, and I felt anger toward my husband’s mother for knowing this.

The reason provided was a lack of vacation time from work, which made no sense. How could a company not allow time off for attending a brother’s wedding?

It has been three years, and I still feel frustrated when I think about it.

Even after our child was born, even a message of congratulations never came, and I haven’t met him even once.

I’m starting to think we probably won’t ever meet.

Is it normal to never have met family after getting married? 19

I also have never met my husband’s second brother 💦

My husband’s family lives far away, and I have only been there twice and his brother is too busy with work to coordinate schedules.

I think he will probably come to the wedding...

Additionally, my sister and I have not been able to meet for the same reasons.

Embracing your husband and his family as a whole!

It is incredibly lucky for everyone’s family and siblings to be close, supportive, healthy, and free of major issues.

When you compare yourself to others, it can be shocking to realize that your situation, which may include problems, feels abnormal, compared to "everything is fine."

However, "everything being fine" is a rare occurrence, and if you find yourself in that situation, count yourself lucky and be grateful for your current state!

People are not perfect and usually carry various problems, so recognizing and loving each other can lead to happiness.

The desire to get along as a family after getting married is a natural feeling,

but if that cannot happen naturally, then it's better to avoid conflict and keep a peaceful distance...!

(The issue of elder care is important though...!)

May you lead a happy life as a bride!♡

@littlenaju