Invited but Ignored: Should I Cancel the Invitation?

2019.04.24 published

If They Didn't Seem Happy About the Invitation

Hello, I'm Haruno Tsuzaki, the editor-in-chief of marry＊

Here, I would like to share a concern sent to marry.

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I sent an invitation to a colleague with whom I was close, hoping they would attend my wedding, but since then, they have been cold and sometimes even ignore me.

When I asked for the reason, they said, "I want to keep a distance and relate to you just as colleagues."

I think they probably don't want to come to my wedding.

In this case, should I withdraw the invitation?

Or should I just wait for them to decline?

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Here are some experiences and responses we received!

Response 1

I can relate to this because I've been in a similar situation, so I'm sending my message for the first time😭!

In my case, it started when I mentioned to a senior colleague that I was planning to get married in the fall and intended to quit my job.

This senior colleague was ten years older than me and had been living together with her partner for a long time but had decided not to marry.

While other colleagues congratulated me with "Congratulations, that's great!", that senior suddenly started ignoring me😭

I also suffered from severe power harassment from my boss, which made me leave my job earlier than planned, in April instead of the fall.

Until my last day at work, the senior continued to ignore me or act distant, leaving me feeling sad, but

In the end, she apologized while crying, saying, "When I heard you were getting married, I felt an overwhelming and inexplicable feeling that I couldn't ignore, and I'm sorry."

Now I can only imagine, but I realize that the grass is always greener on the other side, and

I’m sorry if this isn’t of any help, but I felt there are indeed people who think this way.

Once someone has acted coldly or ignored, they might find it hard to backtrack…

I have heard that one can end up doing a "cleanse" of human relationships when getting married.

In such cases, you might have to respond to people with the same distance they have towards you.

If it were me, I would say, "You might not want to come, so I won't force you."

I know it can be tough, but I hope you have a wonderful wedding!

Response 2

I've had a similar experience. After reporting my marriage and handing out the invitations, I didn't get any replies until the actual day. They verbally told me they would come, but…

I expected them to be happier… I was shocked, and they didn't respond for the after-party either. I didn't really understand what was going on, but now I maintain a certain distance.

We used to be close before the wedding... For now, I think it’s better to ask for a response in writing instead of verbally, as it’s easier to be ambiguous in spoken words.

Response 3

I too had someone similar at my workplace😢

I received a declining card, but it said, "I don't think we have that kind of relationship," which made me quite upset💧

However, I think it's good that such a person won’t be attending.

Those words have stuck with me, and as a result, I've also started to maintain some distance from that person🤔

Response 4

I'm not a colleague, but I faced similar behavior from a few friends from my hometown whom I used to be close with😂

Fortunately, it was before I sent invitations, so I didn't have to send one, but if I had, I would have clearly said, "I'm going to cancel."

If they had shown up on the day and had a bad attitude, it would have also bothered the other guests😂

After my wedding, I realized that it was truly a happiness to only let my favorite guests see me in my wedding attire💓

Therefore, I think it was correct not to invite guests who show such behavior🙆‍♀️

Response 5

Regardless of the reason, I think it’s rude to cancel an invitation once it has been sent. I believe it would be better to wait for a response from them.

If they decline, then accept it.

Response 6

Let's cancel it.

Response 7

The decision about attending a wedding lies with the guests. Each guest has their circumstances, right?

If you’ve already sent the invitation, then it’s rude to cancel it. It’s common sense to wait for a response card indicating their absence.

Response 8

I will wait for them to decline. I feel like canceling would come off as petty...

Response 9

If it were me, I would apologize for any inconvenience caused and convey that it’s okay not to respond (indicating I don’t need a reply).

I would also avoid discussing any happy wedding-related stories.

Response 10

If I felt my feelings were hurt, I would express my apologies and confirm whether it’s okay to count them as absent since the deadline is approaching.

Response 11

I would directly ask about participating or not!

Response 12

That’s quite a rude colleague, isn’t it? If it were me, I would just cancel the invitation.

I believe weddings should be attended out of respect, especially among colleagues. If they act like this, I'd definitely cut ties in my personal life!

But since it’s work-related, I think it’s better to keep a distance and only maintain the necessary interactions.

I would probably say something like, “I’m sorry for the work-related interaction. I’m sorry for making you feel bad; please discard the invitation.”

I don’t really want to apologize, but since they are a colleague, I think I should communicate without creating tension...

Response 13

If it were me, I would cancel the invitation and like she said, I would want to keep a distant relationship🙋‍♀️

However, it’s shocking because we were close💔

I would wait until the RSVP deadline, and if there is no reply, I might directly ask, "I haven't received your response; could you let me know if you'll attend?"

However, since there's a possibility of being ignored, I'm not sure if they will listen💦

If I'm ignored, I might send an email or LINE saying, "I haven’t received your response yet, so if I don’t hear back by (date), I will assume you won’t be attending."

Response 14

If I received such a response, I would feel disenchanted. Whether as a friend or colleague, I believe it would be difficult to continue any relationship with that person.

It seems better to have only those who truly wish to celebrate come.^ ^

Such people are rare. Since they want to keep a distance, I might end up saying that not inviting them previously would be perfectly fine.😅

But initially, I might consult my mother.

Response 15

Was there no deadline for replies mentioned? If there wasn’t, I think it’s fine to wait until the deadline, and if I don’t receive a response, I might ask directly!

Since they have expressed a desire to maintain distance, I don’t think they will attend...

Response 16

Thinking about the future, I would humbly ask, "I'm really sorry to bother you, but could you please give me a response regarding your attendance?"

However, I would make sure to approach them in a place where others (preferably superiors or others I'm inviting) can hear us.

This way it would be a verbal note, and if someone else hears it, it won’t lead to any arguments about what was said.

Even if they don’t want to attend, responding is a matter of adult etiquette, so I would navigate this smartly while maintaining my manners.

However, before sending out a formal invitation, I made sure to ask first if they could attend or not. I thought it would be impolite if I didn't.

If the questioner didn't check that beforehand (sorry if you did!), I would think that the person might have reacted strongly, feeling annoyed or assuming they were caught in wedding enthusiasm.

I remember being very cautious about not appearing overly excited while handling work relationships, especially with my boss and others, as I would continue to work with them.

I hope you have a wonderful wedding!

Response 18

I think it’s fine to cancel immediately.

Response 19

Did you not have a conversation before sending out the invitation?? If they were going to come, then I would send out an invitation, but if they acted that way at that point, I wouldn’t send one😭

It’s sad, but I think based on that response, they probably don’t want to come. So I would probably decline. Sad, I know😭

Response 20

Was there no previous conversation before sending out the invitation? If I missed anything and handed it over as is, then that person must have not wanted to attend.

Since you've sent it, you should wait for them to decline. I think it's considered rude to withdraw after sending.

Response 21

If they clearly said that, then just tell them, “Please discard the invitation!”

Response 22

Handling invitations is already stressful, and this adds extra anxiety and confusion😭

I think how the poster feels now and how they want to relate to this guest will dictate how things go.

If they still want to remain friends despite the coldness, then waiting is good, but they must do so with the mindset to be patient and not expect anything.

If it's clear that this is the end, I would say, “I’m sorry for causing trouble. Please disregard this matter.” and say goodbye👋

Weddings and funerals reveal relationships. I’m currently experiencing this during my wedding preparations, realizing that there are people I probably won’t engage with anymore.

This is an important occasion. Although it sounds harsh, I think it's fine to cut ties from stressful relationships. I should not bring anything negative into my new life!

By the way! Those who don’t respond to invitations are the real culprits! (lol) If they aren’t planning to come, they should at least respond with Yes or No instead of keeping us stressed out! 😤

The stress of not knowing until a response comes in is unbearable. Don’t make the bride and groom put in unnecessary effort!! (lol)

Response 23

I will wait for them to decline!

How about saying, "I'm sorry if I offended you. If it's inconvenient for you, feel free to mark absent on the reply!"

Afterward, I would keep my distance from such people.. (><)

Response 24

If it were me, I would wait for them to decline. I feel that if I cancel the invitation, they might be even colder afterward... Isn’t that also something you don’t want?

Instead of worrying about those people and trying to please them, I hope to cherish those who genuinely care and positively enjoy the wedding...

Response 25

It’s a once-in-a-lifetime wedding, and inviting someone who can’t truly celebrate it might turn moments of joy into despair for the bride.

Perhaps it’s best not to have them come?

Response 26

I will wait for them to decline!

Response 27

There were people who didn't react positively to invitations as well, but those types usually send a declining response after waiting, so despite feeling frustrated, I left them alone!

Response 28

Is that person married? They are probably not single?

If that's how they feel, I don’t think there’s any need to force an invitation, but since I sent the invite, to avoid any future troubles,

I think it might be nice to say, "I wanted to invite you since we were close, but if you want to keep that distance, I won’t invite you anymore."

If nothing happens, that’s great, but if there’s a risk of them spreading rumors, it might be wise to involve a third party for protection!

Response 29

I will wait for a response and consider how to interact afterward.

Response 30

I think it’s best not to cancel the invitation and let the person decide whether to attend or not.

It would also be sad to negate my desire for them to come after inviting them…

Normally, if declining after sending an invitation, it’s considered polite to send a gift or telegram.

I’ve also experienced receiving only a declining card from a close friend and then losing contact...😭😭😭

I can't help but empathize!

Response 31

That’s terrible!

If that’s the case, it might be best to mildly suggest they respond that they are declining and avoid delving into personal matters.

Response 32

I would say, "I've sent you an invitation, but if that’s the case, it’s perfectly fine to just acknowledge my feelings this time. Don't stress yourself." and go ahead to cancel the invitation.

Were you not checked for willingness to attend before sending the invitation?

If they haven't expressed joy over your marriage, it's disheartening.

If they seem to want distance, I think simply letting it go now while being polite is smoother.

But I also appreciate the nuances!

Good luck!

If you can't celebrate my marriage, I would probably choose to cancel the invitation, not inviting them would also be okay.

If there is no further correspondence, I may suggest we should no longer be close.