"What to Do If the Contents of a Guest's Gift Envelope Are Empty: Is It Okay to Ask Them?"

2021.04.30 published

What if the congratulatory envelope is empty? Should you tell the other person or not?

We received a consultation from a bride through marry. Here's the content.

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I received a congratulatory envelope from a friend, but it was empty.

Is this something that happens?

That friend is wealthy, so I don't think they would do something like that.

Could it be a mistake?

Is it okay to ask my friend, "Hey, there was nothing in the congratulatory envelope"?

The inner envelope had "30,000 yen" written on it.

I can't tell if there is any malice or not, and I'm confused about how to react—whether to respond at all or not.

Has anyone ever handed an empty congratulatory envelope?

Has anyone ever received an empty congratulatory envelope?

Please share your experiences and opinions.

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The story of receiving an empty congratulatory envelope (it's called "empty congratulation") is something often heard on the internet.

There seem to be various backgrounds, such as financial difficulties or malice, but I wonder how many people have actually experienced this???

Here are some of the collected responses.

＜Stories from People Who Have Received an Empty Congratulatory Envelope＞

First, here are responses from those who have personally experienced receiving an empty congratulatory envelope (even if they heard about it through someone else).

Experience 1

I hesitated to tell, but since there's a possibility of theft, I think it's better to report it just in case.

I would be in a bind if they insisted that they definitely put it in!!

There was a similar situation at a friend's wedding where the groom's brother's congratulatory envelope was empty. It turned out that when the brother, who arrived a bit late, handed over the envelope, the receptionist, who was alone at the time, had stolen the contents.

They mentioned that they have been distant from that receptionist since then.

Even though it's something we wish to avoid thinking about, I believe it's better to be clear for the sake of relieving any confusion 💡

Experience 2

I asked! 🤣🙌🏻

It was just a mistake 😊 I think it's fine to ask! I straight up said, "There was nothing in the envelope; was that a mistake?" 😳❤️

They replied, "Oh! I’m really sorry!! I withdrew the money but forgot to put it in!" 🤣

Experience 3

I heard that something similar happened at a friend's wedding.

The one who received an empty envelope was a friend of the groom. Fortunately, they were close, so instead of going directly to the groom, a mutual friend conveyed to the empty-handed friend.

When they consulted with both families about the issue of the empty envelope, they were told, “It’s a celebration, so it’s better not to mention that there was no money.”

I think it’s fine for the groom and bride to decide depending on their thoughts. In the end, it turned out to be just a mistake on the friend's part.

It would be scary if someone did it intentionally.

Experience 4

I also had an empty congratulatory envelope at my wedding.

Since we were close friends, I didn’t mention it to them at the time, but I’m thinking I might bring it up as a funny story in 10 years or so!

Experience 5

I had the same situation where my congratulatory envelope was empty...

I don’t know if it’s okay to ask or not; I’m hesitant to do so...

Experience 6

Just recently, I had a wedding, and I received an empty congratulatory envelope from my husband's friend.

I was shocked at first and wondered if this really happens.

My husband told me later that he hinted, “The congratulatory envelope was empty,” but that his friend made some weird excuses like, “Did my girlfriend take it?”

I couldn't believe that someone would do that, but since we also decided not to expect anything after receiving an empty envelope, we laughed and let it go. But it’s surprising, right? 😂

I never thought that others had this experience too!

Experience 7

Wow... I can’t believe something like that actually happens. I’m shocked…!

If the relationship with that friend is good, I want to believe it was just a mistake… 😭

As for me, even though "30,000 yen" was written on the congratulatory envelope, it turned out to be only three new 5,000 yen bills totaling 15,000 yen. Haha.

That person was a doctor and seemed wealthy... 😂 I just ignored it and didn’t mention anything.

Although the congratulatory amount is meant to convey good wishes, it should total 30,000 yen considering the meal, drinks, and various expenses...!!

Experience 8

This isn't my personal story but one from an acquaintance, who also received a congratulatory envelope without money and said, "Sorry if this is a mistake or mix-up!” before informing about the empty envelope.

It turned out that they initially filled the inner envelope incorrectly and ended up putting the second one with the congratulatory envelope, forgetting the money they placed in the first one… 😅

They apologized and ended up delivering the money to me later.

So, rather than staying restless, I think it’s better to inquire once!

Experience 9

I live in Tokyo but held the ceremony in my hometown in Kyushu.

I understood that guests would incur extra costs traveling from far away, so I told them beforehand not to expect transportation fees in exchange for providing a hotel.

I thought I planned financially by setting the date after payday, but a congratulatory envelope from my husband's junior who came from afar was empty.

They mentioned, “I’m in a pinch right now, so I couldn’t give you anything; I’ll pay you back with my bonus," but it has been over six months since the bonus passed.

I still frequently meet that junior at bars. 😂

They haven’t said anything, so I believe they never intended to pay me back from the beginning.

Experience 10

At my mother's wedding, there was an empty congratulatory envelope.

I heard that the person simply forgot to put money in it, and later they gave the congratulatory money. 😊

I think it's fine to ask!!

Experience 11

It wasn’t a congratulatory envelope, but the same thing happened with my mother’s condolence gift.

I called to thank them for attending and mentioned, “There might have been a trouble at the ceremony, so I wanted to let you know just in case.”

When I informed them that the condolence envelope was empty, instead of assuming it was their mistake, I conveyed it in the tone of “perhaps it was our mistake….”

They replied, “Oh no! I have the envelope at home!! This is so embarrassing as an adult. I’m truly sorry.”

They came to deliver the money a few days later.

Experience 12

My boss at work (the vice-principal in a school) gave me an empty congratulatory envelope...

I didn’t mention anything to avoid making things awkward later 😢💦

Experience 13

The congratulatory envelope I received from my husband’s friend was empty. Since we had a relationship where we could talk without any hesitation, I was able to mention it directly to them.

Of course, there was no malice on their side—they were shocked and sincerely apologetic. It became a running joke among friends for a while, though.

It likely depends on the relationship with your friend, but I think it’s fine to mention it casually.

When I looked back at the wedding photos and asked my husband, “Who is this person?” he said, “That’s the person with the empty congratulatory envelope!” 😂

Experience 14

I heard a similar story at a friend's wedding.

A friend of the groom intentionally did not put any money in their congratulatory envelope. They were quite close, even being the representative speaker for the groom.

When asked directly, they said, "Before the wedding, the bride did something that made the groom feel sad, and I couldn't forgive her, so I didn't include any congratulatory money."

That friend also prepared a prize for the after-party and ended up not receiving any congratulatory money (as per the groom's decision).

However, the bride still hasn’t accepted it.

Experience 15

This is a story I heard from a friend.

She (person A) was invited to her boyfriend's brother's wedding and accidentally forgot to put money in the congratulatory envelope.

At the time, the brother reportedly joked with her boyfriend, “Your girlfriend’s congratulatory gift was empty; is that a joke?”,

which was then conveyed to her leading her to react, “Oh no!? How embarrassing! This is such a huge mistake!” 😂😂

It's hard to bring up money matters, but if you’re feeling uneasy, especially with “30,000” written on the inner envelope and considering they attended, you could say jokingly, "Hey, there was nothing in there, haha!"

If you phrase it lightly in a way that wouldn’t leave them feeling bad, it could work out well.

Experience 16

Regardless of whether your friend is wealthy, if you are considering your future relationship (if you are planning to remain friends), it might be better not to ask directly. We’re not relatives after all.

When I married young, one of my friends brought a combined total of 30,000 yen. I had my thoughts, but I felt it was appropriate to act maturely.

Experience 17

At our wedding, a couple of friends who came also gave an empty congratulatory envelope…

The inner envelope noted that it was supposed to be 50,000 yen.

I hesitated but remembered previously hearing a story about friends forgetting to include money in their congratulatory envelope!! So I conveyed that information.

The friend insisted, “I put it in for sure!” I wanted to avoid any trouble after the ceremony, so I backed off…

Experience 18

A friend mentioned that when attending a wedding, she was informed later by the bride, “Hey, there wasn’t anything in my envelope!” via LINE!

The friend seemed to think she had indeed put money in there, so I think it’s fine to convey it straightforwardly!

She later handed it over in person after realizing the mistake!

Experience 19

I found myself in a similar situation!

I felt I couldn’t tell the friend… so I just said, “Well, it can’t be helped,” to my husband. However, a week after the ceremony, a friend reached out with an apology!

It seems they had been busy during the week and realized over the weekend that the congratulatory amount was still with them…

If someone is doing well financially, they likely wouldn’t deliberately leave it out, so how about waiting a little while?

Experience 20

My father-in-law forgot to put the money in and later handed it over! Haha.

＜Stories from Those Who Have Given an Empty Congratulatory Envelope＞

Now let’s look at experiences from those who "have given an empty congratulatory envelope" or "handed over an amount different from what was stated on the envelope" for any reason.

Experience 1

I’ve never handed over an empty envelope, but I once mistakenly put in 40,000 yen when I had written 30,000 yen on it. 💦

The bride's friend contacted me and, feeling sorry, said she’d transfer the 10,000 yen later... I truly felt bad, but I had no idea until she reached out to me. 😅

So, I think your friend might not have realized it either!

If it’s someone you’re close to, it should be okay to ask directly... You might say, “I was thrilled with the envelope, but I just noticed there was nothing in it. I wanted to check in case!”

I think your normal friends won’t get upset by that. 😌

Experience 2

I found an adorable congratulatory envelope right before the wedding, forgot to put in the inner envelope, and didn’t realize until days later after the ceremony!

I contacted them right when I realized and was able to give the money, but even while we communicated afterward, my friend never mentioned it.

When I said later, “You could have just told me!” they replied, “I didn’t want to seem pushy since you came!” but I think for close friends, it’s okay to discuss it!

If you didn’t want to give a congratulatory gift to someone, you wouldn't even attend their wedding, so it's more likely it was a slip-up!!

Experience 3

A friend I attended a wedding with accidentally handed over an empty congratulatory envelope.

After returning home from the wedding, she realized she had three new 10,000 yen bills, which she thought she had put into the envelope, and later apologized and gave it to the bride.

If there’s malice, they likely wouldn’t write anything on the envelope or hand it over.

Additionally, at one wedding where I was in charge of the reception, someone came just to pick up the seating chart without giving a congratulatory gift.

I was puzzled but conveyed the situation to the friend.

Anyone can make mistakes; if they were out of money, they might have just put in a smaller amount like 10,000 yen?

＜What Would You Do If That Happened At Your Wedding?＞

Now let’s discuss, “Even if I haven’t experienced something like this, what if I find an empty congratulatory envelope upon opening at my wedding?”

Opinion 1

It seems common for people to forget to put cash in a well-prepared envelope!

One of my friends also had an empty envelope but didn’t mention it and just left it as it was...

Opinion 2

Mine wasn’t empty, but there was a person who only put in 20,000 yen.

I knew as a married person they’d understand that an uneven amount is a no-go, but I haven’t mentioned it to the person. 😊

Opinion 3

I’ve heard before about theft related to congratulatory gifts, so if I worried about it, I would communicate my concern 🙈💦

If they say they put it in, I would discuss it with the venue and police. I would refuse to accept it even if they claimed they forgot after the fact!

I would primarily want to ensure no one had stolen from me… 😭

Opinion 4

I’d probably jokingly say, “Hey, the congratulatory envelope was empty!”

Their reaction would likely clarify whether it was intentional or simply forgotten!

Opinion 5

Determining malice versus a mistake is tough, but if it was indeed an oversight, I think they would notice when getting home with the new bills… 💦

I would casually put feelers through mutual friends.

If I discover they might not have been genuinely happy about my wedding, I would apologize for inviting them and give up on expecting a gift. 💦

Opinion 6

I haven’t received an empty envelope, but I've had a friend tell me, “I might have forgotten to put in the congratulatory money, so if it’s not there, please let me know! I’ll hand it over later!”… Haha.

That friend did include the money, but maybe the bride’s friend just forgot to do the same…?

Opinion 7

At some ceremonies, the receptionists check the contents to avoid awkwardness if the couple receives an empty envelope.

Once the ceremony is over, you’re no longer directly involved, so it’s often easier for a third-party to verify rather than the couple asking directly.

I thought this was kind of thoughtful of the venue! ☺️

Opinion 8

If there's a possibility of theft, I think it's best to first consult the venue, don’t you think?

Opinion 9

I’d directly say something like, “What is this?! Did you just come up with a new joke?? (laugh)” to see their reaction, then if they say, “I’m sorry, nothing was in there!,” great!

If they say, “It was a joke, haha, was it funny?” then I'll laugh it off and ask for the congratulatory money.

This might not be helpful but 😂 I believe it’s better to say it lightly than to stress out over it. 😊

Opinion 10

I’ve neither given nor received an empty congratulatory envelope.

However, even if I were to receive one, I wouldn’t say anything myself.

It’s indeed hard to mention.

I might feel uneasy, but since the invited guests came for the occasion rather than the money, I would feel it's worse to press someone for a congratulatory gift than just cover the 30,000 yen myself...

Opinion 11

If the congratulatory envelope were empty... I would just ignore it and forget about it. Although, I might not truly forget! 😂

It's important to not keep any unpleasant memories of such a significant day in my life.

If I confirm it with them, and if it’s true malice, then that’ll become a negative memory attached to a special day in my life.

It’s for my own sake rather than theirs.

Opinion 12

I believe it was a genuine mistake. It’s common to forget these things like inner envelopes, and it’s easy to see how someone could overlook putting it in.

Since they came to celebrate, I wouldn’t request payment afterward.

Ultimately, I think it’s best if they remember themselves (⌒‐⌒;) to be open-minded!

Opinion 13

I honestly think it was just an oversight. I believe it would be better to address it directly…!

Something along the lines of, “The envelope was empty…😅 I hesitated to mention it, but if I were in your position, I’d want to know, so I’m reaching out.”

If it’s someone close enough to attend the wedding, I feel it’s better to mention it out of consideration for their feelings rather than remain quiet.

Opinion 14

I personally wouldn’t be able to bring it up due to awkwardness...

Assuming they wrote an amount on the envelope, I think they intended to give it, and since the occasion was a celebration, I might think it better not to dig it up.

Especially if the other person believes they handed over money, I’d rather wait for them to say something.

Opinion 15

There’s also the possibility of theft from the receptionists.

Opinion 16

If it was merely an oversight, I’d say they should mention it! If it was just forgetfulness, I’d want to know!!

Opinion 17

I’ve heard of situations where the receptionists ended up pocketing money...

Discussing this is a bit difficult ☹️.

Opinion 18

If someone forgot, it can’t be helped. If they’re a friend, I’d most likely overlook it.

Opinion 19

I would directly mention it to my friend! 😊

I would thank them for attending the wedding and say, “When I opened the congratulatory envelope, to my surprise, it was empty, so I just thought I should mention it with a laugh,”

presenting it as some sort of surprise while keeping the usual lighthearted mood.

If it’s someone I'm close to, it seems only fair to let them know. If I accidentally forgot to put money in, I would definitely want them to tell me! 💦

Opinion 20

It’s also possible that it was stolen, right? 😧

Opinion 21

Hello! I’m a former wedding venue staff and a soon-to-be bride 👰.

At my previous workplace, there had been reports of theft, which made us cautious…!

Apparently, there were various clever tricks like asking for money back after handing over the envelope.

It’s devastating to think there could be such incidences at a celebratory event.

I was surprised by how many experienced "oversights" like this!

The survey results made me realize that situations where people "accidentally forgot to include money in the congratulatory envelope" are more common than I'd imagined.

When thinking, "there's absolutely no way someone would forget to include the money," it tends to lead to the conclusion of "if the congratulatory envelope is empty, it's intentional! Malicious!"

However, if we start from the premise that "people make honest mistakes," it becomes easier to check or ask without feeling hesitant.

The often-seen online narratives about "I received an empty congratulatory envelope. It’s sad and feels bad. They must have done it on purpose. I can't even state my feelings since I can’t discern their intent, and I want to cut ties" can actually unfold to mean "the one who handed over the empty envelope didn't do it out of malice; it purely was a mistake, leading to a loss of friendship."

I found that quite daunting...!

Furthermore, I was shocked to learn that brides and grooms who receive empty envelopes don't seem to dwell on it too much or get angry.

Many who give empty envelopes seem to have done so by accident, and those who receive them often think, "It's a celebration; let's let it go!" or "I’ll try not to worry about it!"

It appears that such a mindset is common.

Although stories about congratulatory gift thieves can be frightening, they still seem to represent an anomaly, while generally, people are good, happy, and kindhearted!

@atelierdefleurir

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