"Should We Celebrate Guests Whose Birthday Falls Within the Same Week as the Wedding?"

2019.07.01 published

Consultation Corner＊

This is a project where we publish concerns received from marry's readers and invite responses from other readers.

This time's consultation is as follows.

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There is a guest attending my wedding who has a birthday on the same day. I initially planned to give them a small gift as a thank you for coming on their birthday when I set the date.

Separately, when I informed a senior at work about the date and asked them to attend, they casually mentioned, "Oh, that's my birthday week..."

Should I prepare a gift for them as well?

However, there might be others with birthdays during the wedding week, and I don't really want to allocate that much of my budget to gifts...

What would you all do?? How far do you think I should go with birthday gifts?

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Here are the responses that we gathered.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 1

I think it’s fine to only prepare a gift for the guest who has a birthday on the day.

Even if you prepare something for your senior, there might be others as well.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 2

I'm not sure when you were planning to give the birthday gift, but if it's not during the ceremony as a surprise,

placing it somewhere discreet, like on their seat or table, would make it okay to give it only to one friend!

If you were planning to do a surprise event, then your senior might expect something too. In that case, should you give them something as well?

But I think it would definitely cost too much to give gifts to everyone with a birthday during the wedding month, so you might not need to do that!

Since a wedding is a celebration, no guest thinks they should be celebrated!

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 3

I think it's fine to just acknowledge the people who have a birthday on the day! If you're close, you can celebrate them on another day too.

If someone complains about that, it’s a bit 😂

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 4

I included a birthday field on the RSVP card to help with future relationships. Thankfully, no one had a birthday that week, and since we had a dessert buffet, I ended up not doing anything. However, I was thinking of decorating the dessert if someone had a birthday.

Since the company senior usually doesn't receive gifts, I think it's unnecessary.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 5

Honestly, I don't think there's a need to prepare anything. Even if it’s their birthday, if you’re not that close, I’d just ignore it or write "Happy Birthday" on the place card.

I've attended a wedding in Karuizawa the day after my birthday, and nothing special happened (of course, I stayed overnight). Honestly, I wouldn’t mind if there was nothing.

Birthdays will come again, but a wedding is a one-time event, so I just want to celebrate. I think that senior just casually mentioned it without any real expectation.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 6

I had a Disney wedding, so for those with birthdays that month, I got a cast member to write a simple happy birthday sticker, and I decorated it afterward to place alongside the menu.

It allowed us to bring joy without making the guests feel uncomfortable! By the way, there was also a guest whose birthday was the next day at our wedding. 😅

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 7

I would just give a gift to the friend I originally intended to.

Close friends are important, but for company seniors (in my case), they're colleagues, and we’re not at a gift-passing level.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 8

A close friend of mine has a birthday on my wedding day.

I want to celebrate them, but it feels rude to others who might also have birthdays, so I'm thinking of asking if I can add icing cookies as part of the final dessert.

Since there shouldn’t be anyone at their table with the same birthday, I think it would be okay to treat them specially (I think only the ones with birthdays on the day should be celebrated!).

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 9

If it’s not their birthday on the day, I wouldn’t give anything!!

Once you start being considerate, there’s no end to it 💦

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 10

If you keep the tables for the guests you wanted to gift apart from the table with the senior, then the moment you give the birthday gift might go unnoticed.

Or you could prepare a message plate for the guest you wanted to gift and give the actual gift later.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 11

I also had a guest whose birthday was on the wedding day! I had them attach a birthday plate when sharing the wedding cake.

I think it’s a way to express gratitude for them spending their special day at my wedding.

I don’t think there’s a need to celebrate the senior at the wedding.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 12

Birthday surprises sound great ~^ - ^

For friends, it’s a thank you for coming on their birthday!!

Depending on how you present the birthday surprise, you could ask the host to say, "It seems there are several people whose birthdays are this month, and among them, we have someone celebrating their birthday today!!"

That way, the senior would also realize there are others.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 13

For my wedding on May 13, I had two friends whose birthdays were in May, and my husband's friends also had two. They all happened to be in early May, so I gave birthday plates to all.

By the way, the plates were free!

There was a friend on my husband's side whose birthday was on the day, and I placed a gift on their table!

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 14

Since my very good friend’s birthday was on my wedding day, I called their name for a surprise after the first bite and did a thank you bite. ☺️

Later, I found out that another friend from my husband's side also had a birthday that day, and I felt a bit guilty if there were more birthday celebrants. 😂

However, I decided to just focus on those I really appreciate, so I did a birthday thanks bite as a way to express my gratitude!

If you'd like to show your consideration without much expense, you could perhaps make some effort by writing a birthday card or including a small dessert at their table!

While it's a day to express gratitude, it’s not everyone’s birthday party, but the wedding of the bride and groom. ☺️

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 15

I would give a gift if it’s a relationship where we exchange birthday presents regularly, but if not, I don't think it's necessary.

By the way, I once had a wedding on a friend's birthday, but we didn’t have any birthday exchanges, so I kept it a secret.

I’m curious about what kind of senior this is...

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 16

We also had guests whose birthdays fell on the wedding day and that week!

For the guest celebrating their birthday on the wedding day, we included a surprise bite after the first and thank you bites!

When planning the surprise, I wanted to ensure it wouldn’t be rude if there were others with birthdays on the day, so I checked with everyone!

To celebrate those with birthdays that month, we wrote "Happy Birthday" with the month and date on dessert plates ✨ It cost about 500 yen for 9 plates!

That's likely cheaper than preparing gifts!

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 17

I also had guests whose birthdays were on the day and the day before, but I didn’t do anything special 😂😂😂!

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 18

I celebrated a guest’s birthday on the wedding day! In my case, it was my mother-in-law’s birthday 🎶

I had informed the planner earlier that I wanted to do something special. Since it was a surprise for everyone, I made sure to check that no other guests had birthdays.

In the end, about seven guests had birthdays within a week, but only my mother-in-law had a birthday on the day, so we celebrated her only.

There was also a senior from work whose anniversary was on the wedding day. I handed them the invitation, saying, “I’m sorry for taking up your special day,” and since they confirmed attendance, I secretly placed a Starbucks gift card in their thank-you bag along with a letter. 👍

There may be many guests with close dates, so it's okay to limit it to just the day! 🙆‍♀️

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 19

I wouldn't prepare gifts for my work senior.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 20

I worry that I might not be able to keep track of the guests' birthdays and what if there are others celebrating nearby...

I personally would give gifts only to the friends whose birthday is on the wedding day, and for the work senior, I would give a gift at work 🎁❣︎

It’s tricky, though ~

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 21

If you plan to introduce guests and present gifts in a big way, it might be good to check for other guests with birthdays too. 😅

They probably won’t directly tell you, “I wanted that,” but their close friends or those at the same table might complain…

I wouldn’t want guests to feel that way at my wedding 🤗

How about placing a gift for that guest on their seat with a note? If the senior's table is separate from your friend’s, they would likely not notice you giving a gift.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 22

If the gift presentation is in front of all the guests, it might need to be thoughtful for everyone.

Particularly if you know their birthday, later they might feel dissatisfied like, “I didn’t get anything.”

For example, you could write a message on the dessert plate or place the gift discreetly for them at their seat; if they're at separate tables, that might avoid problems!

Involving months or weeks can indeed get out of hand, so if you don’t know the others well, no need for gifts.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 23

I’ve attended weddings where birthday or anniversary guests received local memo (or other gifts) as presents!

Later when I asked a friend, they said it was a venue bonus, not prepared by the couple, so it might not be applicable...

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 24

I was worried about that, so I decided not to prepare gifts for anyone other than those celebrating on the day.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 25

If the senior gave gifts to the bride, I would give it, but if they didn’t, I wouldn’t. I think I’d sneak a gift for my friend without the senior noticing.

Alternatively, you could prepare a small gift of assorted sweets.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 26

If it were me, I might consider giving a gift if we regularly exchanged birthday presents.

However, if not, I think it’s okay not to give gifts 😅 Am I too narrow-minded? 💦 It’s not even the exact day. 😅

I had a friend whose birthday was the day after the wedding, and since we regularly exchanged gifts, I placed one in their thank-you bag 🎁

Honestly, keeping track of all guests' birthdays (like asking them to write on the RSVPs) and preparing gifts can be quite a hassle 💦

It also gets complicated regarding budget and how far to go.

I think you should just send gifts within what you can afford 😊💕 Good luck with the preparations ❤️

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 27

It would depend on the relationship with the senior, but if it were me, I would only give something to the guest I originally planned to.

Not knowing everyone’s birthday, and since some people exchange gifts regularly while others don’t, I think it’s fine.

If I couldn’t give it directly on the day, I’d hand-deliver it later or send it as a surprise.

If you feel you must do something for the senior, you could consult the planner about adding a "Happy Birthday" plate to the dessert.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 28

"That week is someone's birthday" or "that month is someone's birthday" seems endless 😂😂😂

I think it’s fine to give gifts only to the guests celebrating on the day 🤔 If you were considering something for multiple guests... a junior I know had a first bite for all guests with birthdays that month (about four people).

But if you start doing that, it can spiral out of control, so just celebrate those on the day ( ´﹀` )

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 29

Instead of gifts, how about writing a message on the cake (or dessert) during the reception?

I plan to do that for those celebrating the day before or after the wedding! Plus, I plan to write a plate for a couple celebrating an anniversary on my wedding day!

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 30

I had three guests whose birthdays were on the wedding day, so I did a birthday bite during the reception and presented gifts!

There were many guests with birthdays in the wedding month or the day before, and if I did gifts for everyone, it would have gotten out of hand, so I decided against it.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 31

Since I was aware of my guests' birthdays, I gave a simple gift to guests whose birthdays were around a week before or after to avoid burdening them.

There were no guests celebrating their birthday on the actual day!

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 32

If there are others with birthdays on the day, they might notice, but for the seniors, it’s okay since it’s not on the day!

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 33

If you're concerned about cost, then just give gifts to the ones celebrating on the day.

Because it’s an "on-the-day" award!

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 34

For those celebrating, I got them to write messages for free on the dessert plates at the end of the reception! For those whose weddings were decided, we wrote messages like "Happy Wedding."

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 35

I don't think the senior expected a birthday gift. I’d prepare something like a handkerchief as a gesture rather than to spend a lot.

That way, if there happens to be another birthday, I could still manage.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 36

I faced a similar situation!

In the end, I gave a surprise gift during the reception to the guest whose birthday was on their wedding day, but I didn’t do anything special for the junior who had their birthday two days later.

I didn’t keep track of everyone’s birthdays and felt bad if there were others on the same day, so I thought it would be impossible... (^_^;)

However, since I’m close with the junior, I planned to give them a gift later.

Celebrating only for those on the actual day energizes the atmosphere as guests say, "Oh, it’s today! Amazing!"

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 37

I don't think you need to extend it to the seniors!

Celebrating one person on their birthday isn’t unusual, and it would become endless 😂

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 38

At my wedding, there were a few birthdays, but I didn’t give anything!

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 39

I think it’s good to only celebrate those on the day ^_^

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 40

At my recent ceremony, I had a senior whose birthday was the day before and another senior with a birthday that week, so I prepared a small, modest gift for both.

Instead of limiting it to the same month, I defined it by the same week.

Honestly, I struggled with expenses, but in the end, both were very happy, and I felt it was worth it 😊

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 41

When I learned that my boss had a birthday when handing out the invitations, I included "Happy Birthday" written on the dessert plate.

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 42

If it’s on the "day" it deserves a gift; if it’s only on the "week," then there’s no need.

If it’s a close friend whose birthday is known, I would prepare something (either a gift or a message on dessert), but for a work senior, since it’s not their exact day, I don’t think it’s necessary.

However, since a work senior is someone you see regularly, it’s likely you’re concerned because they mentioned it.

You could consider your ongoing relationship with the senior when making your decision.

Given how they stated it, it seems they might have been just casually mentioning it without any expectation.

Preparing for a wedding often leads to uncertainties about how much consideration to give, but I think it’s okay not to worry too much. 😊

Whether you prepare a gift or not, the caring feelings of a lovely bride like yourself will shine through in some way!

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 43

On my wedding day, my best friend has a birthday.

The week before, my sister-in-law has a birthday.

But I only intend to celebrate my best friend’s birthday. If I started celebrating everyone, it would be too much. 😭

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 44

There were friends on my husband’s side whose birthdays were on the day and month, but I only gave gifts to the ones celebrating on that day. 🙋‍♀️

How to celebrate guests' birthdays at a wedding? [Response] 45

At my wedding, there will also be guests with birthdays on that day, during that week, and that month!

But since I don’t know all the guests’ birthdays, I plan to prepare gifts for relatives (since I usually give them birthday presents!), but for ordinary guests, I’m planning to give nothing!

If you're considering birthday-related presentation or gifts, it might be necessary to state birthdays on the invitation.

Most respondents feel that just celebrating on the actual day is sufficient!

Though this initiative typically receives a variety of responses, the majority echoed that “since it could become endless, it’s probably best to celebrate just those on the actual day.”

It originated from a positive feeling of wanting to give a gift to one person, but turned into a negative obligation of “Oh, I have to buy for this person too.” That’s quite sad.

We should aim to remain positive in these situations!