Do We Prepare Seats for Deceased Family Members? Seating Arrangements? Memorial Meals? Family Introduction Meeting?

2019.12.02 published

What to Do If Your Family Member Has Passed Away?

We received a consultation regarding this concern on marry's Instagram.

*****************

My father has passed away.

We are having a face-to-face meeting soon, and I am unsure whether to include my father's mention in the family meeting pamphlet.

It is undoubtedly true that my father was family, but he won't be present....

I would like to hear from others about how they handled similar situations, such as whether to include details in the profile book for the reception or whether to prepare a seat for him.

I would appreciate it if you could let me know how long it has been since the passing, as that might influence the decision.

Please also share how you handled it if a family member other than your father has passed away.

*****************

We made this concern public in a story and solicited responses from our followers.

Here are the collected responses♩

Response 1

My father passed away 7 years ago.

I didn't create a pamphlet for the face-to-face meeting or a profile book, but at the reception, we prepared a seat for him and placed a name card.

I also read a letter addressed to my parents.

Response 2

I had my ceremony the year after my father-in-law passed away.

There was no meal, but we prepared seats and drinks for the toast and displayed pictures selected by my mother-in-law and husband at the table.

I was moved to see people come to toast my father-in-law's glass during the reception.

The planner also provided various thoughtful gestures within a reasonable budget, so I recommend consulting with the planner too☺️

Response 3

I think this is a topic with varied opinions. Since it is your wedding, I believe that doing what makes you happy is the best approach.

From the guests’ perspective, I feel that preparing a table might be a bit excessive.

If I saw a photo of a deceased person in the profile, I would probably think, “Huh?”

Response 4

From the perspective of the other family, it would be greatly appreciated to learn about the deceased family member through the meeting pamphlet.

I’m curious about what they looked like, what their profession was, and what kind of personality they had, as well as when they passed away.

However, since it feels awkward to ask in detail, it would be convenient if they could be open about it from the start.

That said, if their name is also on the seating chart, those who aren’t aware of their passing might assume that their parents are alive, which could lead to awkward explanations.

Response 5

I lost my mother when I was a student.

The other family is likely to be interested in what kind of mother she was, so I chose several photos of her for the family meeting.

My father said, "Though she has passed, I want a seat prepared for her," so we prepared a seat for her on the day of the reception.

Since we prepared a seat, her name was also included in the seating chart. Since it was a casual chart, I titled it "Heavenly Mom."

Response 6

I lost my father when I was in elementary school.

Since the reception primarily showcases the bride and groom, I'm not planning on including any items.

However, since the face-to-face meeting focuses on introducing the families, I included my father's details. I think consulting with your mother might be a good idea.

Response 7

My father passed away 3 years ago as well.

It's tricky to navigate matters related to the deceased. For the meeting pamphlet, I wrote up a family tree, so I naturally included my father’s information!

My mother insisted that there must be a seat prepared for him during the day’s table setting.

I also believed my father would definitely be there (from heaven), so I requested the planner to prepare a seat.

I did not include him in the seating chart. While I felt it was okay to include him, I was advised against it by the planner, and my mother also agreed that it was fine not to include him, so we didn’t.

It also depends on how much others around know of my father's passing, but since it concerns the other side's feelings as well, I recommend consulting both sets of parents about preparing a seat or including him in the seating chart.

Response 8

My father has also passed away. When I was getting married, it had been about 8 years since he passed!

In my case, I had known my husband’s family for a long time, and they were aware of my father’s passing, so it might not be a reference...

I informed the planner in advance about my father’s passing and that I was a "daddy's girl," and they suggested preparing a seat.

On the day, my mother placed my father's photo on the table, and in family photos and during the final letter reading, my mother also held my father’s picture!

My guests from my side knew about my father’s passing, and my husband's guests might think, "Oh, her father has passed," but I wanted to show my bride-like self, so I’m glad we prepared a seat for him!

Response 9

The face-to-face meeting has already taken place. His father has also passed away, but in the meeting pamphlet, we included a caricature and name created while looking at a photo of him when he was alive.

How we handle things during the wedding is up to him, but when I worked at a wedding venue, many people displayed a photo of the deceased family member on the family’s table on the day.

Response 10

My mother passed away three years before our face-to-face meeting. I created a profile book, and I included her details💡

I found it embarrassing to use my face, so I used the Biore Face Maker, but since we are becoming a family, I wanted my partner to know what kind of person my mother was, so I added her.

We didn't prepare a seat, but my father brought a photo, so we used it without permission and placed it on the table while also including it in a commemorative picture💡

I don't think it’s common for the in-laws to decline that kind of request😄

Response 11

My father passed away, and it was about 5 years after his death when I had the ceremony.

Since we did not hold a face-to-face meeting, it might not be useful as a reference, but at the reception, I prepared a seat for my father beside my mother, brought a photo, and wanted to decorate it with yellow roses, which were a part of the concept.

I also prepared a name card and wrote a message on the back of it. I kept this a secret from my mother and family until the day, and when they entered the reception venue, they were surprised and said it was very moving.

My mother said she was already tearing up during the ceremony, but when she saw my father’s seat and photo in the reception hall, she completely broke down in tears.

In the letter to my parents, I wrote thoughts for both my father and mother and read it aloud. Since this is a once-in-a-lifetime event for us and our parents, I feel good about what we did.

Response 12

My maternal grandparents have passed away. My grandmother's 7th anniversary has passed, and my grandfather passed away about a year and a half ago.

I didn’t mention anything about my grandparents in the face-to-face meeting pamphlet. For the ceremony and reception, we brought their photos and prepared glasses, but we didn’t prepare seats.

Regarding your father, I believe you should do what you feel is right. I don't think guests will feel uncomfortable even if he appears in the profile book or a seat is prepared.

Response 13

This isn't my personal experience, but I attended the weddings of two seniors where their fathers had passed away.

Both had passed within six months prior, and a memorial photo was placed with designated seats, and during the reception, the mother held the memorial photo.

Response 14

My mother passed away 7 years prior to the ceremony.

We too had a family meeting dinner, but we did not prepare pamphlets. We did not prepare a seat for my mother nor bring a photo.

On the day of the wedding, we prepared a seat for her and, if I remember correctly, a vegetarian meal was also prepared, along with a memorial photo that we usually display at home.

My mother's name is not on the seating chart, but we prepared a name card and wrote a message on the back.

Since I wasn't sure what to do in my case, I asked the planner how it's generally done, and I mostly followed that.

Response 15

My husband's father passed away 5 years ago, and at the reception, we prepared a seat for him and placed a photo alongside a commemorative drink.

I didn’t feel the necessity to create a pamphlet for the family face-to-face meeting. I think it’s best to make the decision based on the person's and the family’s wishes rather than how many years have passed since they died.

Response 16

I am an actively working wedding planner.

Even if someone has passed, they remain an important father. Regardless of how many years have passed, that doesn’t change.

For the pamphlet, profile book, preparing seats, or a memorial meal, you can do whatever for your father☺️ Your father is surely blessing you from heaven.

Family members will likely appreciate it if you mention your father when reading your letter. Many of my clients do that, and I'm sure your father will be happy about it in heaven🙌

Response 17

Both of my husband’s parents have passed away. His mother passed away 20 years ago, and his father passed away about a year after our wedding was decided.

Since my aunt attended the face-to-face meeting in place of them, I only wrote about her in the pamphlet! My parents were also aware that my husband’s parents had passed, so they didn’t ask too much about it.

However, I do regret not mentioning my parents at least a bit…

During the reception, the planner suggested that we should prepare seats for the deceased parents, and we placed seats for them at the family tables.

Of course, their names were listed on the seating chart, and we also placed name cards and photos on the tables so that they could watch over the reception.

I later heard that a colleague of my husband went to their seats to pour them beer, and my husband and I were very happy.

A once-in-a-lifetime wedding allowing your father to watch over it, no matter how, is truly reassuring♡ I hope you have a wonderful wedding.

Response 18

I lost my husband’s father before the wedding.

The mourning period was over, and the ceremony itself was postponed for a year, but we wanted my father-in-law to be part of our wedding even after passing, so we had a seat prepared for him at the groom's family table, and we placed a photo and a morning suit on the chair, and we also prepared food☺️

I didn't prepare a profile book myself, but I included my father-in-law's name in the seating chart.

After all, he is an important family member, and if there’s room for a seat, it could be nice to prepare it for him😌

Response 19

I was very close to my grandfather, who had passed away, so during the reception, he joined us at the family table in spirit through a photo😊!

Response 20

My father has also passed away.

He passed away from illness over 10 years ago. After dating for a while, I told my partner about my father. During the face-to-face meeting, my mother spoke about him.

In the profile book, I included my father in the family photos. We didn’t specifically prepare a seat for him, but I was allowed to display his photo on the table and walked down the aisle with my mother✨

I wanted to express my gratitude to my father, so I wrote a message on the balloons during the balloon release, consciously made it fairly open.

Response 21

I included my deceased grandmother in the profile book! Since I was very close to her, I wanted to introduce her.

I plan to designate a seat during the reception and the same goes for my partner’s parents, as they suggested doing so.

Response 22

My father passed away when I was 5 years old.

For me, it feels natural not having a father, so I approached the face-to-face meeting without much worry with just my mother. I had my partner inform his parents beforehand about my father’s passing.

I am about to have a wedding, but I don't intend to touch upon my father's absence during the reception. However, since I will walk down the aisle with my mother, the attendees will likely understand through that.

Still, I want to include a few photos of my father in the profile movie because of how much I loved him(^ ^).

Since the wedding is also a time to express gratitude to parents, I believe it is entirely okay to do as you wish! I don't think anyone will think negatively of that(^ ^).

Response 23

I lost my father 6 years ago.

I held the face-to-face meeting in June of this year and, without hesitation, included my father in the pamphlet! Of course, I want to prepare a seat for him on the day as well!

I plan on doing a balloon release, so I will write messages on the balloons at that moment🥰

Response 24

If it were up to me, I wouldn’t prepare a seat, but I would like to include photos and the profile book.

If there are thoughts or reasons for including that person, I think it would be nice to express that (unless it's too painful to do so).

Response 25

I lost my beloved grandmother when I was a child, but for my wedding, I brought her along in spirit through photos.

My husband's grandmother also passed away, so I talked about it with my mother-in-law and had her there in spirit during the reception on the table and also on the knees of relatives, and though I hadn’t requested it, I was grateful that it was captured in photos. I believe your father would want to be present as well.

Some venues even offer celebratory glasses without request, but I’d say that if the ceremony includes him, the bride will feel at ease and happy◡̈❤︎

Response 26

My brother passed away. When I had my wedding, it had been just over a year since he passed.

I will prepare a seat for my brother, and since I already intended to write a letter to my siblings during the bride's letter reading, I plan to write a letter to my brother as well.

For the record, I intend to have my siblings escort me during the ceremony!

Response 27

I have not personally experienced this, but...

Is there something wrong with including them? If there are factors like a parent remarrying, it may be necessary to discuss this within the family...

Response 28

Nice to meet you! My partner is in the same situation. We are getting married this March, but his father passed away 2 years ago. So, he passed away while we were dating...

I want to include my father because I wanted him to be there, but I'm struggling with whether I should hold back...

Response 29

My mother has passed away😌 I included her in the seating chart and prepared a seat for her❗

I lost her when I was 15 and held the ceremony at 21, six years after her passing⛪

We didn’t prepare a meal, but they poured champagne for the toast🥂

Response 30

I lost my father 1 year and 3 months ago before the wedding.

I informed his parents beforehand through my partner, so I included my father in the family introduction in the face-to-face meeting pamphlet.

We prepared a seat for my father, and I also prepared a name card and placed his photo on the table. I was also happy that they served the shochu, which my father loved, during the toast.

Some friends didn’t know about my father's passing, but I didn’t worry about it since they would sense something was up once I walked down the aisle with my mother.

Response 31

I did not have a face-to-face meeting since both our parents had passed. However, for the wedding, I included their names in the seating chart, set up a memorial photo at the table, and made a place for them! This all took place 5 years after their passing.

Thanks to the venue’s arrangements, we received appetizers and champagne for the toast for free. I felt there is nothing to hide and was happy to feel their presence in my delightful moment.

Response 32

I had a mourning period after my father’s passing, and I included him in the face-to-face meeting pamphlet☺︎!!!!

The ceremony took place 1.5 years after his passing, and I plan to include his name in the seating chart and create name cards.

Response 33

My father passed away 5 years ago, and I included him in the family meeting pamphlet. I wanted them to know what kind of father he was, and I also included an explanatory description!

I plan to prepare a seat at the reception as well and include him in the seating chart. I also intend to arrange for a memorial meal.

Response 34

My husband's father passed away 7 years ago.

I didn’t prepare a pamphlet for the face-to-face meeting, but since my mother-in-law brought a photo of him, we all had a nice time talking about him.

We have been dating for a long time, and since he treated me well while he was alive, I prepared an escort card, and at the reception, we arranged for his picture to be displayed.

The end roll included my father-in-law's photo, and my mother-in-law and relatives were very happy while crying!

I believe he also enjoyed our ceremony and reception✨

Response 35

My husband’s father passed away before our ceremony.

Since we were in mourning, the ceremony itself was postponed by a year, but my husband and I considered that we wanted him to attend our wedding even after his passing, so we prepared a seat for him at the groom's family table, where we placed photos and even made him a morning suit.

I did not prepare a profile book, but I included my father-in-law's name in the seating chart.

After all, he’s an important family member, and if there’s room for a seat, I think it could be a good idea to prepare one for him as well😌

Response 36

I am an active wedding planner.

Even if someone has passed, they remain an important father. No matter how many years have passed, that doesn’t change.

For pamphlets or profiles, or if you’re looking to prepare seats or meals for the deceased, feel free to honor your father in any way you see fit☺️ Your father is surely sending blessings from heaven.

I believe that when you read your letter and mention your father, your family members will also appreciate it; many of my clients do that. Your father is sure to enjoy it from heaven🙌

Response 37

Both of my husband’s parents have passed away. His mother passed away 20 years ago, and his father passed away about a year after our marriage was decided.

Since my aunt attended the face-to-face meeting in place of them, I only mentioned her in the pamphlet! My parents were also aware that my husband’s parents had passed, so they did not make a fuss about it.

However, I do regret not mentioning my parents at least a bit…

During the reception, the planner suggested that we should prepare seats for the deceased parents, and we placed seats for them at the family tables.

Of course, their names were listed on the seating chart, and we also placed name cards and photos on the tables so that they could watch over the reception.

I later heard that a colleague of my husband went to their seats to pour them beer, and my husband and I were very happy.

A once-in-a-lifetime wedding allowing your father to watch over it, in whatever form, is truly reassuring!♡ I hope you have a wonderful wedding.

Response 38

I lost my father three years before my wedding. I did not create a pamphlet for the face-to-face meeting.

During the reception, my father’s details were briefly mentioned during the profile introduction by the MC! Seats were prepared, and a memorial meal was also arranged.

I loved my father, and we had promised to walk down the aisle together the day before he passed, so my mother walked down the aisle carrying a photo of my father!

I boldly mentioned my father in the bride's letter, and my husband's father's speech also included references to my father!

Response 39

I lost my father 7 years ago as well. However, he is still my father, so I included him in the face-to-face meeting pamphlet.

Of course, I plan to prepare and include him in the seating for the wedding. Even if he's not physically present, I'm sure he's blessing us from heaven, so I want to prepare a seat for him to share this special moment with us!

Response 40

My partner's father passed away around 7 or 8 years ago, but I am preparing both the pamphlet and the seating for the reception!

Response 41

I have a deceased brother.

Although his name was not included in the seating chart, I displayed a photo at the family table and poured a toast for him🥂

Response 42

A month or so before the wedding, my uncle passed away.

I originally planned for him to miss the wedding, but I quickly asked the venue staff to prepare an empty seat and place a photo on it.😌

The reception takes place on Sunday, so I can't say for certain, but considering he was an important person to me, I feel that having a seat prepared was worthwhile and I don't regret it🥰

I realize my uncle and father’s positions are different, so I don't know how helpful this will be for you.

If it were me, I would include my father in the pamphlet. After all, he is an important family member. I think it's wonderful to allow others to know about him through the pamphlet in lieu of him being present😊

Response 43

My mother passed away 7 years ago, but I didn’t go into great detail about it. I displayed embroidery made by her in the welcome area for guests who might recognize her😊✨

It made me very happy when I saw my father bring a photo of my mother since it felt like she was watching over us. I think it’s okay to do something like that.☺️

In the final letter, I read a note to "Mom in Heaven" 😊 I hope that this wedding will convey good feelings to your father too💕

Response 44

My partner's mother passed away several years ago.

I had informed my family that she had passed, and since she is an important family member, I included her in the face-to-face meeting pamphlet.

Since the reception will include not just family but also friends and work-related guests, I do not plan to include her name on the seating chart.

Response 45

I just had my wedding last month! My father passed away 2 years ago.

I wanted my partner's parents to know about my father, so during the face-to-face meeting, we discussed what kind of work he did and what kind of person he was.

While his name was not included in the seating chart, I placed handmade name cards and a photo next to my mother, and we prepared a glass for the toast which was poured for him!

I also included lots of photos of my father in the profile movie, and I believed he must be watching over us😊

Response 46

My father is alive, but he had a serious illness, so when I consider if my father were not here, I want to express that he existed at our wedding and face-to-face meeting.

Then I will think about whether he understands that.

Response 47

As a bride-to-be,

I lost my father a year ago. Since my family was close, I usually carry his photo with me while traveling, which is why I am wondering what to do this time.

The face-to-face meeting will be held at the hotel where the ceremony takes place, so after consulting with the planner, they said, "Let’s have your father join us for dinner!" and encouraged me to include a seat and meals.

I also wanted to create a pamphlet for the face-to-face meeting, so I included my father. Even though he isn't alive, it makes me sad not to mention him in the pamphlet, and I decided to include his mention since it will be a lasting memory.

His parents are aware of his passing, so I think it will be a good opportunity for them to get to know his personality.

By the way, I plan to prepare a seat and meals for the ceremony and reception as well. I also plan to include him in the seating chart. The planner told me, "Your father will surely come to the ceremony," and I’m keeping that in my heart as I prepare.

Response 48

I also lost my mother 6 years ago. But I included her in the face-to-face meeting pamphlet and, with the other family's permission, brought her memorial photo to the ceremony. I made sure all family photos included her too🥰

Response 49

I think it's perfectly fine to include a deceased person in the face-to-face meeting pamphlet☺

Personally, I didn't get to do much for my beloved grandmother before she passed away, so I carried her memorial photo during the seating and felt her presence during the ceremony.😌💕

I also prepared a seat and felt just right to have her there in spirit, and it brought me happiness at the ceremony. I'm sure your father will be happy too🥰 Even if separated, they are still family♪♪

Response 50

I had my wedding just two and a half years after my father passed away.

Since I had informed my partner about my father’s passing, I included him in the face-to-face meeting pamphlet.

At the reception, we prepared a seat for my father, his name card, and his photo. I was also delighted that they served his favorite shochu during the toast.

Some friends were unaware of my father's passing, but I believed they would sense it once I walked down the aisle with my mother.

I Want to Cherish My Family♡

Thank you for all the responses.

Marriage is a connection between families.

Even if someone has passed away, having more happy moments filled with thoughts of that person is truly wonderful for the family.

When I think from the perspective of the deceased, I feel that “It’s such a blessing to be remembered in a happy space even after death”....

May we all share warm moments together♡

@yuih_wd

Please also reference the following articles＊

➡ What to Do When a Loved One Has Passed Away? Ideas for Honoring the Deceased at Weddings

➡ “Memorial Seat” for a Deceased Person at Weddings

➡ Various Arrangements for Traditional Wedding Events When Family Members Are Missing