What to Do If You Realize the Groom Is Planning a Surprise at the Wedding?

2021.03.06 published

What to Do If You Notice a Surprise from Him...

A concern from a bride-to-be received by marry. This time it’s as follows.

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I have a question for everyone.

"What should you do when you realize that the groom is preparing a surprise for the wedding??"

I have always been against surprises at weddings and asked him, "Please don't, it's embarrassing."

However, maybe the groom didn't take my words seriously, or perhaps he thought it would move me in a different way, or that I was secretly hoping for a surprise...

I noticed that he was preparing a message relay involving friends for a surprise for me.

I want to prevent it because it's embarrassing, but considering the feelings of the groom and my friends who are helping, I feel bad refusing it.

✅ What did you do when you realized there was a surprise?

✅ What did you do when you didn't want a surprise, but received one anyway?

I would like to hear experiences for both situations.

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【Response 1】

I realized that my husband was preparing a surprise during the wedding, and I told him to stop.

Like the questioner, I originally disliked such things and felt embarrassed, so I had said, "I absolutely hate it!" But I was persuaded by people around me saying, "Even so, I'm sure she secretly wants it!"

I cried and told my husband, “How can you not trust my words? How can you not understand that I really don’t want this? Doing something I said I dislike is the same as bullying.” He apologized, saying, “I'm sorry for not being considerate.”

I feel loved every day without needing a surprise, so that is enough for me. What shocked me the most was that he attempted to do something I had expressed I did not want. Depending on how much you dislike it, if you absolutely hate it, I think it's better to have him stop.

【Response 2】

If my husband insists on doing a surprise when I've said I don't want one, it feels like there’s a communication issue in daily life...

If we were to build a home together, he might just think, “I placed marble in the kitchen! It won’t show dirt because I chose black!” without asking me.

【Response 3】

I communicated with the planner and had them stop the surprise.

They conveyed that due to some added performance, the use time of the venue was limited, so the surprise couldn't happen.

Instead, they showed me the video in the dressing room after the reception. The video content was such that it was meant to be viewed after like, “The wedding was so touching!”

It was nice to be able to thank the friends who helped with the second party as well.

【Response 4】

I work as banquet staff at a wedding venue. I have witnessed situations where the groom planned a surprise for the bride, but the bride made a clear unhappy face, creating a terrible atmosphere.

Even if you dislike it, I think you should either try your best to not let it show or decline beforehand if that’s not possible.

It's unfortunate for the groom and friends, though...

【Response 5】

I found out about a surprise from the groom too. 😵

I noticed an unfamiliar video camera at home and overheard a conversation with a friend, realizing they were collecting messages.

At that moment, I didn’t mind, but I informed the planner that the groom might be thinking of a surprise, as I thought it could trouble the venue. 💦

On the day, there was indeed the surprise DVD, and for some reason, a karaoke session was added without my consent. Both were surprises, and I had some feelings of discomfort about the content, and now I wish it hadn’t happened.

If you really dislike it, I suggest telling the groom, and if you find it hard to do that, you can tell the planner to ask them to decline any surprises❗

【Response 6】

If it’s something I really don't want, I will say it.

I've had similar experiences and have felt the awkward energy when my feelings got exposed while trying to hide how I felt.

I made excuses about being shocked and pretended to be happy during the surprise execution.

Afterward, it turned into a fight about how I genuinely wanted it to stop. 😂

If it’s going to end up like this, it’s better not to do it at all. I believe surprises are self-satisfaction, and I can’t believe they would do something I said I didn’t want.

【Response 7】

I would tell the planner at the venue and have them inform the groom.

【Response 8】

While it may not be enjoyable to have something done during the wedding, since it’s a movie created with effort, how about asking the planner to show it later at home or in the hotel?

That way, you can maintain the surprise aspect.

【Response 9】

I feel like I’m currently in the situation described in this article, having learned about a surprise.

I recently caught my planner and husband messaging on LINE, and I thought, “I wish I hadn’t found out...” 😂

But I believe I’ll probably forget once I’m nervous on the day, so I plan to enjoy it without saying anything until then!

My husband has liked surprises since we started dating, so since I’ve figured it out, I secretly hope to return the favor with a surprise. 😂

【Response 10】

I’m not good with surprises in public, but if I were in the same position, I would feel genuinely happy. 😳

I can only express my gratitude to the groom who put effort into it and to the friends who helped. 💓

Since I know about it, I might take a moment to reflect on it after the wedding (as a topic for conversation 😂).

【Response 11】

I was surprised by the groom, and I really disliked it.

Time was running out due to performances and greetings from guests, and I had to give up wearing the color change I wanted because it took too long.

Then, he selfishly inserted a surprise, resulting in exceeding the venue's allotted time.

Even though it was just a few minutes late for guests, I felt it was inconsiderate, and while I was in the middle of receiving the surprise, I was desperately holding back my anger.

【Response 12】

It's a once-in-a-lifetime event, and the husband is considering many things and making efforts.

While it’s important to think about your own feelings, I believe you should be gracious and accept it.

Otherwise, you might not be able to complain if they stop making efforts in the future.

【Response 13】

I also learned about a surprise movie my husband was preparing for me that was played on the day! 🙋‍♀️😂 (I pretended I didn’t know in the report!)

I’m the type who feels happy, so I’m still keeping that I knew a secret, and I don’t intend to share that I knew! 🤫

I do feel embarrassed and sorry for involving others, but I thought, "That just means I’m valued💪" and tried to keep a neutral expression since many cameras would be capturing me that day.

If you really dislike surprises, how about consulting the planner in advance? Make it clear you want them to stop, and I think they can find an excuse to avoid it by saying it couldn’t be arranged on their end...

Also, you could share that you noticed something and express that you’d prefer to watch it later at home instead of at the wedding...

However, if friends are already involved, feigning ignorance and pretending to be happy might be the peaceful approach...!

【Response 14】

I simply feel envious. 😂

I understand that one might feel embarrassed, but I would love to appreciate the abundance of love in a surprise. 🥺💕💕💕

【Response 15】

If you're not a type that enjoys surprises and finds them embarrassing, it must be really dislikeable.

However, more than that, I believe he’s prepared this for you because he cares for you, and those around you are sending messages out of love for you.

Considering this, I believe you are quite fortunate! There are those who want to surprise but can’t, and those who want to be surprised but aren't. Since you’ve realized it, perhaps you can look forward to the day.

I’m sure you’ll be moved by everyone’s loving messages.

【Response 16】

I’m not married yet, but here are my thoughts.

It may indeed be embarrassing for the person, but I think it’s incredibly heartwarming and happy when the groom spends days and hours preparing a surprise for you. It shows how much he values the bride.

I don’t think someone who doesn’t like or care about you would go through the trouble of preparing a surprise... The day might be a bit challenging in terms of reactions, but...

I believe it’s wonderful to receive such kindness.

【Response 17】

I also noticed a surprise that my fiancé planned for our wedding.

It wasn’t that I hated it, but with the notifications I saw and overheard phone conversations, it felt amusing when the surprise was revealed as a sort of confirmation. 😂

I pretended to be surprised properly. 😂

【Response 18】

I noticed it, or maybe that’s not quite it...

I really wanted a surprise, so I told the planner, “I’m longing for a surprise from the groom! I hope you suggest something!”

The planner responded, “Got it! The groom will be preparing something. Let’s look forward to it♡” and kept what it would be a secret.

On the day, I received the surprise I had longed for from my groom, and since I didn't know its content or timing, it was thrilling and exciting!

I knew about the surprise, but still enjoyed it.

Wishing you a happy wedding celebration!＊

I have shared all the responses gathered about “What to do when you notice a surprise from the groom...”.

If you have any other concerns, please feel free to reach out through marry's LINE@! ♡

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