"I Received 10,000 Yen as a Wedding Gift: My Husband Says 'No Need for a Return Gift! How About Treating Me to a Meal Instead?'"
2021.02.01 published
A Consultation from a Future Bride
Recently, I got married!
I received a wedding gift of about 10,000 yen from a couple who are friends with my husband, whom I also get along with.
When I asked how to return the favor, he said, "Huh? Is it necessary to be so formal? If it's a thank you, we can just treat them to a meal together next time!"
However, I think it's not very polite to consider a meal as a thank-you since that (paying at the end while saying, "This is for the last time!") seems a bit rude, especially given that the amount exceeds what we received. It feels even more disrespectful to the giver.
While it might be normal among men, I don't like being thought of that way...
I believe that “returning a gift given in kind by treating them to a meal” is something we should avoid...
What do you all think?
Here are the responses that we gathered*
[Response 1]
This is something common among men, isn't it? 😅 I understand your feelings well...
How about he treats his friends to drinks just the two of them (not with four) or gives a small gift at that time?
[Response 2]
My husband is the type who would say something similar. If we have dinner with four people, it costs more, and if we are calling it a thank you, we should pick a decent restaurant, which will increase the cost even more.
Given the current situation with COVID, I also want to avoid eating out. So, if he thinks food-related thanks fit just right, sending a catalog gift of high-quality ingredients might be an option.
[Response 3]
I also got married in May last year at the age of 26, and when I receive gifts from my friends or his friends, I make sure to return them properly with something tangible.
Moreover, since the gift was from a couple, the wife must have put some thought into it as well.
To avoid being seen as inconsiderate by her and to maintain a long-term relationship with them as a couple, I think it’s better to be overly generous in this case.
At the very least, in my group of friends, those who got married gave brand tableware as returns after gifting.
[Response 4]
It’s common to receive sweets as a wedding gift return, so saying "I'll treat you to a nice meal" can make the friends feel like they've gained something🥺💕
However, considering the current climate, inviting someone out to eat could be risky due to differing sensitivities towards safety, so it should be taken into account (especially if they have kids), I think...🙇♀️
Conversely, if you want to keep it inexpensive, sweets would be okay, so isn’t this a matter of how you feel as a couple? ☺️💦 As a friend, I would be happy just considering how they perceive it🌸
Saying to wait until things settle down is fine, I think🥺💓 However, we must ensure it doesn’t drag on for too long! 🙇♀️💕 Haha
[Response 5]
If you know each other's families well enough so that the friend’s wife wouldn't react negatively, it might be fine to treat them, but otherwise, I think it might be better to return with a gift or a gift card worth about half to avoid future awkwardness.
It's safer to keep in mind that some may wonder, "Is that okay?"
[Response 6]
I had a similar experience where my husband said no need for a return, but I believe it's normal to return a gift.
I communicated, "I don’t want to be seen as someone who doesn’t return gifts, so please let me return it!”
[Response 7]
I think it's better to return the wedding gift with a proper gift rather than a meal.
Since one of my husband’s friends gave us a 10,000 yen gift, I gave a gift box of sweets worth around 3,000 yen.
[Response 8]
I would definitely prepare something tangible! I think good-quality snacks that aren't too overwhelming are appropriate🥰
Everyone has their own feelings about this, but I prefer to be thought of as overeager rather than rude.
[Response 9]
If it's a personal relationship with your husband’s friends, I think it’s alright to follow his lead, but considering future interactions as a couple, it would be better to offer thanks appropriately!
If treating them, perhaps we should arrange a proper setting and go to a nice restaurant together after conveying our gratitude.
[Response 10]
Since it’s your husband’s friend, I think it’s fine for him to decide how to return the favor☺️
If it’s your friends, there’s a method for that, and if it’s your husband’s friends, I feel that could be their way of doing things!
[Response 11]
I have been treated to meals as part of gifts, but I think it's more respectful to return gratitude with a tangible gift!
[Response 12]
I would send a proper gift! If my husband opposed, I would send it on my own and just casually mention that I've sent it. Haha.
[Response 13]
In our case, wedding gifts are a celebration of our new journey in life... so I consider them special and make sure to prepare appropriate return gifts even for casual friends.
It was a great opportunity to convey that we’re walking together as a married couple through gifting from both partners.
It was nice that attaching a note and signing both our names made me feel more connected to the marriage 🙌
[Response 14]
I believe that it's better to give something as a thank you, though perhaps not necessarily a half-return of gifts.
There are manners even in close relationships!
[Response 15]
I think it’s better to return a gift that's thoughtfully chosen.
We properly returned gifts to everyone who gave us celebrations.
[Response 16]
I think it's better to make a proper return than just treating them to a meal! I gave my husband’s friends the same gift back!
Concerns about reluctance on meals and amounts may arise, so let’s think this through!
[Response 17]
It’s better to avoid this!
Since it’s a gesture given as a gift, I think it’s best to prepare a proper thank-you gift regardless of what your husband says.
Regarding the couple's friends, I recommend a gift of dashi from Kayanoya, which can be used in cooking.♥️
[Response 18]
As a planner, I believe it’s polite to return gifts about half the amount given.
However, if it's meals you prefer, it might be fine to invite them out under the guide of thanking them for their gift.
They’ll likely just say, "Oh, it’s no big deal!” but gifting may be easier.
[Response 19]
Congratulations on your wedding!
If you’re already friends, a mere thank you might suffice, but I would bring sweets or something small when I meet the wife as a token of appreciation for their gift.
I feel like if the meal is seen as a thank you for their 10,000 yen gift, it may create unintended pressure to reciprocate...
If you gifted during their wedding, match that same level, and if you didn’t gift, simple sweets or consumables would allow you to keep a comfortable relationship moving forward!
[Response 20]
Even if you accept meals as gratitude, you might still feel uneasy about the costs, unable to order what you want (like drinks), which can ruin the relaxed atmosphere.
If someone says casually while paying, “This is for the last time!” it feels too informal.
It could feel like you're being evaluated based on the restaurant choice, and it might not be a pleasant experience...
[Response 21]
With COVID still bubbling, inviting someone to a meal as thanks feels unnecessary or frivolous...
I think it’s better to send something tangible.
[Response 22]
This might be tricky, but how about inviting them to your home for a meal, and you handle the appetizers or pizza with a small gift like sweets for them to take home?
By treating them at home, it won’t as easily cross budget lines, and as newlyweds, welcoming them to your new home offers a nice touch!
[Response 23]
I have had to make many quick decisions after getting married and balancing working has been overwhelming!
Some have received delayed returns, and a few missed returning favors in time, even merging with future events.
It might also be good to send gifts in advance, choosing something flexible like a gift card!
If your husband insists on meals, suggest he secures plans immediately or that it might be better just to return something first anyway!
[Response 24]
I think it really depends on the relationship with that friend🤔💦 If they’re your husband’s friends and you gifted them at their wedding, they might not need gifts in return!
If you didn’t send a gift, then treating them and sending a simple gift of around 3,000 yen seems appropriate.
But if those friendships are casual and relaxed, it might not be necessary.
Personally, I’m the type who would feel a bit uneasy if nothing was done, so I would give something! Haha
[Response 25]
I prefer to make clear returns rather than meals.
I dislike being gossiped about later, and I feel like clear gestures prevent any lingering feelings.
[Response 26]
If I’ve received a gift, I think it’s better to return a gift back!
I feel men often underestimate these things, but women truly value them.
[Response 27]
If they’re friends of your husband, I think aligning with his views could be wise considering their vibes and relationships overall.
How about giving them a gift when they have children in the future?
[Response 28]
We typically gave half the amount of cake as a return for wedding gifts. My husband didn’t know this custom and was shocked saying “No need to return! We’re in the same boat.”
Men commonly lack awareness about these practices.
While he may treat his friends casually, I think retaining respect as families for the future means making sure gifts are properly offered.
[Response 29]
Rather than saying, "I’ll treat you to a meal!” I’d suggest, “Since we received your wonderful gift, would you like to go for tea sometime?” with a small gift in hand.
If a meal or cake is ordered, I would cover it to maintain a good feeling.
[Response 30]
I totally understand! My husband behaves similarly, thinking meals are how thanks are conveyed.
When substituting my feelings, meals create stress for both sides due to the pressure of time.
I’d prefer to return gifts and later go out for a meal casually.
[Response 31]
It’s better to return the favor properly😅
[Response 32]
For men, it might seem sufficient to just treat them, but from a woman's perspective, being serious about such matters is vital.
I would opt for giving sweets or a worthy gift card.
[Response 33]
I also had similar experiences and my husband thought returns weren’t necessary (>_<)
No matter his view, I stuck to etiquette and sent something suitable.
Since meals can be planned at any time, returning a wedding gift only once while considering the future is ideal!
[Response 34]
Many men share this mindset💦
However, since there might be future interactions between wives, I think it’s generally expected to return gifts properly.
I typically give half the value in gift cards and material📦 (3,000 yen gift card and 2,000 tax in items).
While friends might disregard this, it might be wise to educate your husband on this practice to avoid future awkwardness😊
[Response 35]
In terms of returning gifts, it's customary to return around half. Gifts can include snacks, tableware, small items, or household goods!
Online, there’s a catalog for returns, so perhaps showing it to him would help!
It’s likely seen in such a way in general practices, as it doesn’t seem right to return more than received...
[Response 36]
It’s fine to return gifts with a meal as gratitude.
Depending on the depth of connections, it might differ if it’s a casual tabletop.
Though it’s essential to ensure that inviting spouses doesn’t escalate costs unexpectedly, the overall meal and gifts should balance well.
Just ensure it’s smooth and straightforward.
Suggest to your husband, “Let’s ensure returns are clear while arranging a dinner outing later!”
[Response 37]
I agree with you; treating them feels improper. It’s a couple’s greeting, rather than a single male’s gift! Half returns seem apt. 😊
[Response 38]
For about 10,000 yen, I think it’s better not to treat someone to dinner. Inviting someone home seems more appropriate...
[Response 39]
As long as the relationship is close, treating a meal to express gratitude feels just fine! It’s more casual than tangible items.
[Response 40]
Personally, I would prefer to return with an actual gift.
Due to your husband's inexperience, it’s likely he hasn’t faced these situations. However, to continue family-like relations, formal gestures are necessary.
The friends may not worry about it, but how the wives perceive things can differ. There’s a thing called decorum!
While treating is acceptable, receiving a return gift signifies appreciation and thoughtfulness. 😊
[Response 41]
I believe it’s sufficient to offer congratulations when their wedding comes along!
[Response 42]
I think it’s wiser to avoid treating them to a meal as thanks.
If the couple that gifted you indicates a meal is suitable, then it might work...
[Response 43]
I think returns should be tangible. Unless they’re really casual friends, it’s different if they’re just buddies.
Nowadays, mini-gifts around 500 yen are available, so returning something small without being burdensome sounds beneficial!
Maybe shared meals could be discussed casually later on? ☻
[Response 44]
For celebrations, returning gifts is usually expected to be around half or so.
Returning gifts with items might be far more suitable than meals, showing gratitude with tangible presents.
[Response 45]
I returned around 3,000 yen for gifts of about 10,000 yen!
[Response 46]
Aim to return gifts equal to roughly half of what was given!
[Response 47]
“While it may be common among men, I dislike the thought of being seen that way” seems to resonate perfectly; relay that directly to your husband.
I’ve been married for four years now and believe open communication about feelings consistently across your long marriage is essential.
Sharing your perspective helps your husband recognize diverse viewpoints as well! (*^^*)
[Response 48]
I always return gifts with tangible items. In our home, it’s usually half the values plus a bit extra. For monetary gifts, we would add minor sweets.
I appreciate the sentiment behind receiving gifts, but if given something tangible, it must be reciprocated with a material gift.
My husband sometimes brings up doubling up his courtesy, but considering etiquette, returning half is the standard approach, right?
I meet many with varying perspectives so really value what everyone thinks. ✨
[Response 49]
Congratulations on your marriage!! I also think treating them feels off.
If offering something is challenging, at least a gift card or the like makes more sense than treating them!
I understand your husband’s perspective, but within friendships, good manners must still prevail.
[Response 50]
If it’s a casual relationship, a lunch treat might suffice! It would keep expenses fairly in check.
“Thanks for the gift! Let’s do lunch sometime!” If that feels inappropriate, I would consider alternatives!
[Response 51]
If possible, I think it’s ideal to head out for a meal with your greeting and present at hand. Splitting the meal cost is typical.
[Response 52]
I feel the same way! I wish to distinguish meals from returns.
I’ve had similar experiences where I provided handy items like hand cream as gifts!
[Response 53]
I believe it’s better for future relationships to ensure you express your desire to return something properly.
Once friendships grow, reflecting on how the other party may view situations when roles are reversed is valuable.
Inviting them often is lovely, but separating gratitude from returns yields a smoother experience!
[Response 54]
I believe returning tangible gifts is better for future interactions! 🎁 It feels satisfactory for you while offering happiness to the recipient.
[Response 55]
I consistently follow the principle of "returning half the amount" concerning gifts. We will continue receiving various celebrations in the future.
Casual friends might work using meals, but how about when it comes to seniors?
Instead of always pondering how to manage dining expenses or gifts, establishing consistent expectations will simplify it!
[Response 56]
It’s good to return treats with half or 30% of the value tied to the original gifts! 💍💕✨
[Response 57]
Returning meals feels somewhat lacking, even if men endorse it. Even so, being an adult demands clear behavior in formal settings.
Managing these areas is one avenue for wives.
[Response 58]
For wedding gifts, returning them with formality keeps it orderly!
When told "This is for last time" during payment, friends may feel that their prior effort was dismissed…
When dining, bringing a return gift along feels nice while also ensuring the gesture isn’t overlooked.
Many Men Are Unaware of the Concept of "Return Gifts"
✅ It seems many men are unaware of re-gifting.
✅ Nowadays, it’s conventional to regard returning gifts in a standardized manner.
Many men, when taken by surprise, might express, “Isn't returning gifts pointless? That’s a nuisance that should vanish!"
I’ve indeed witnessed this reaction! Haha.
I was rather stunned since I held that half-returning practices were the norm.
Yet… there's an example. In a casual group without the tradition of returning gifts, interacting while gifting with formalities might make husbands feel awkward...
Might they think: "Is this guy different now?" or "Is he being controlled by his wife?”
The results indicate community norms decidedly vary, suggesting we ought to earnestly consider paired perspectives aiming towards productive long-term relationships!
If you're considering returns, I recommend the "Ring Race Sable" selling at marry for 1,800 yen and 4,500 yen, which is just perfect for gifts and looks adorable too! ♡
With just available for sale, you won't find a duplicate, and has that wedding vibe!
Each edible flower is carefully placed using tweezers, ensuring a delightful and impressive experience on presentation!
You can buy just one or multiple pieces, perfect for small gifts or giveaway items!