Reducing the Number of Guests: Is It Disrespectful to Uninvite Those Already Invited?

2021.02.17 published

A bride-to-be has reached out for advice

The wedding, which was scheduled for March, has been postponed to October.

Naturally, I already sent invitations to the guests last year. I also sent an apology letter for the postponement.

While I was sad about the delay, I was looking forward to October, but due to the ongoing COVID-19 infection rates, my worried parents told me to "refuse guests coming from afar."

I really want everyone to come, but since it was my parents who said it, I decided to accept it...

How should I contact the guests I had already invited to inform them that I am canceling their invitation...???

Out of 60 guests, about 10 are from afar, and there are various groups such as local friends and university friends. Won't it become a topic of conversation in those groups, like "I was uninvited!" ...?

I don't know how to contact them without being rude. I thought there might be other brides-to-be in similar situations these days, so I decided to reach out for advice.

[Response 1]

I also postponed my wedding from March! I hope everything goes smoothly next time✨

I postponed mine to next spring and currently don’t plan to reduce the scale! However, when we postponed, we did discuss a little about downsizing.

As for informing the guests of their uninvitation, I believe that explaining the sincere decision to reduce the scale and considering inter-prefectural travel will be understood due to the current situation✨

If you are only declining a few people from a group, explaining who you are declining and why should help them be considerate in discussions about the wedding.

Close friends might feel disappointed, but they won’t think of ending the friendship just because they were uninvited, so you can feel reassured about that☺️

Also, since no one knows what’s really right regarding COVID-19, if you respond sincerely, they will understand✨

I hope you have a wonderful wedding☺️🌸

[Response 2]

Since it's a refusal amidst COVID, I think the other party will understand!! You can only apologize to each person via letter & phone😥

[Response 3]

I also contacted those I had invited, saying, "Due to being distant and the downsizing of the ceremony, it has indeed become difficult to invite you."

If you convey that the decision was made considering everyone's safety, I believe they will understand.

There may be people who, somewhere in their hearts, wonder if it’s really okay to go or feel scared about attending, and they just can’t say it.

If you ask the venue, they might help you come up with appropriate phrases or wording. They are professionals for celebratory events so they should know how to communicate without hurting feelings or damaging relationships.

[Response 4]

If this came as a result of discussions with your parents, then it cannot be helped.

How about clearly communicating to those distant guests that while you truly want them to come, you made this decision for everyone's safety due to the infectious disease? 😊 If you have received gifts, it may also be a good idea to send a gift bag!

Including a message card would also work◎! I hope you have a happy day😊❤️

[Response 5]

It's awkward to have some people invited and others uninvited in the same group when thinking about future relations 😭 Although it’s disappointing, how about having just family?

If you tell your friends that you decided to have only family due to the current situation, I think it won’t create any hard feelings.

[Response 6]

Is the cancellation already decided? If I were invited, I would feel really disappointed because I want to go…

I think it would be good to say, "If you decline to participate, please feel free to contact me."

For college or local friends, I think they can honestly respond without too much concern.

[Response 7]

I’m glad weddings can happen now!

In my prefecture, there were zero cases until March, so I held my wedding this March as planned.

I sent back the RSVP postcards in February, but even with replies, I turned down guests from outside the prefecture.

Since all the guests I planned to invite from other prefectures were friends, I contacted each of them via LINE. I called those I could reach by phone.

Everyone understood the situation, and there were people who mentioned, “I was actually unsure about attending.” I hope that you and your guests can have an assured ceremony (*´ `*)

[Response 8]

I’m a 26-year-old bride-to-be with a wedding on November 28. If you're following your parents' wishes, wouldn’t it be better for them to write the letters of refusal?

Now that you’re adults, consider who is the host. If you’re the hosts and invited them, it should be you; if your parents invited them, the letters should come from them.

[Response 9]

In today’s era, I don’t think there’s any complaint about canceling invitations due to COVID.

Of course, you must apologize because I believe everyone is looking forward to it, but I think everyone understands that the bride wishes to have everyone there.

This year, I received cancellation notices for two weddings, which became family-only events, and I completely understand. It’s fine, they will understand.

One was via LINE, and the other was by phone. Since there was still time, that was enough for me.

[Response 10]

I also postponed my wedding from May to November. I believe there will also be those in similar situations needing to decline.

When I consulted the venue about this, they suggested using tools like Zoom.

It might be difficult depending on the environment, but I hope this helps a little. Let’s do our best together!!

[Response 11]

I am a currently active planner.

Many couples are having tough experiences with the coronavirus, and I'm filled with sadness myself.

I believe a big point in this matter is who it’s for and why.

Of course, it is incredibly sad to tell friends who want to attend that they should refrain from participating.

In reality, while you want them to come, wishing for your friends' health takes priority, so let’s express that you decided to hold it only for those living nearby!

If those you invite to the wedding are invaluable to your lives, they will surely understand your desire to protect them.

Please have a wonderful wedding!

[Response 12]

Honestly, how do your parents or you feel about refusing invites due to distance?

If it’s about checking attendance due to the pandemic, that is one thing, but saying "don't come because of the distance" may leave a bad impression.

It might not be surprising for people to gossip about it.

[Response 13]

It’s fine to accept refusals pleasantly, and on the contrary, say it so they don’t feel burdened, but I think refusing on your end is a NO.

Additionally, I think that people might talk behind your back. Still, those who come for you will do so despite time constraints and the fear of COVID, so how about reconsidering?

It’s tough, but I hope you have an event without regrets!

[Response 14]

I have friends in a similar situation, refusing guests from afar and aiming for a small wedding.

I may think this way as someone invited, but I believe it’s a necessary response given the circumstances. Moreover, honestly, I also feel relieved as an invitee😅

If you convey your real wish to invite only a limited number due to COVID, it should be understood on the other side.

[Response 15]

Congratulations on your marriage! Speaking from the guest's perspective, if crossing prefectural boundaries is necessary, I might decline.

If I think about the possibility of being a carrier... even though I want to celebrate, I wouldn't feel comfortable traveling outside my prefecture.

I think it depends on the COVID situation around October, but, given the circumstances, it feels acceptable to refuse those from afar.

Simply state, “Due to COVID, I have to regretfully decline invites for those needing to travel across prefectural borders.”

I think that explanation could bring about disappointment, but it should also be understandable.

Alternatively, perhaps have a wedding just with close family, and then throw a party when things settle down. The worries never seem to end; I hope you can have a wedding you are satisfied with.

[Response 16]

I postponed mine from May to October, and I sent the invitations in March. According to the venue's guidelines, the capacity has been reduced by half, so I plan to decline around 20 guests.

I’m still contemplating, but I believe that due to the current situation, I can only pray for understanding and do my best to politely explain and apologize...😢

It's painful, especially when you would have invited everyone under normal circumstances. I am also curious about how others are handling it 😭

[Response 17]

It's your wedding, so if you want to invite someone, go ahead! Even if you agree with your parents, if you're siding with them, it’s ultimately your decision. Just communicate your refusal when declining your friends.

If relationships crumble over such matters, they weren’t that strong in the first place 😂 In this situation, being honest about your feelings is not wrong, and people who criticize you might not be worth holding on to.

Conversely, I believe there are also distant friends who are feeling safe! Those who still want to come will express that intention, so consider their feelings.

[Response 18]

I just read a story from a bride who postponed her wedding from March to October. Unfortunately, I'm in the exact situation, having decided to limit the ceremony to about 15 close family and friends.

Initially, we had a larger guest list. After much deliberation, my husband’s workplace situation—someone contracting COVID at a wedding—was the deciding factor.

Those who contracted COVID, as well as the other guests, ended up in a two-week quarantine.

If it had been my wedding, I would have regretted inviting anyone at all, which is why I chose to reduce the scale.

I felt bad for the friends I had to turn down, but everyone has accepted the current reality.

[Response 19]

If the person is genuinely scared in this situation, wouldn’t they decline on their own for some reason...?

If they’re excited and looking forward to attending, it would be sad to hear that, though.

If so, it might be better to send another letter saying, "We plan to hold the ceremony as scheduled, but given the current circumstances, we hope you can participate comfortably.

If for any reason you will not be attending, please reply by ◯◯ date." This way, you can show concern and give them the decision-making power (＞＜)

That approach makes it easier for them to decline!

[Response 19]

I don’t see why it’s necessary to decline invitations.

It’s up to you whether to have the wedding, and if you're inviting your friends, I don’t think you need to dictate based on your parents' wishes.

Personally, I would at least inform distant guests that due to COVID, it’s okay to cancel if needed...

It feels uncomfortable to make the cancellation from our end ( ˊᵕˋ ;).

I'm sure they will understand!

Reducing the number of guests or navigating various situations and having to inform invited guests under pressure is extremely difficult.

During such a joyous occasion that should be filled with happiness, it’s truly tough to have to communicate such undesirable news...

I really empathize with the feelings surrounding this situation.

At times like this, fostering the emotional connection and expressing sincere feelings with genuine communication will surely allow the other person to understand everything.

If I were to be told, “I want you to decline participation…” I would first feel grateful to the person who shared something difficult to say.

Then we could agree, “It’s disappointing for both of us,” or “We’ll catch up next time,” and let’s acknowledge, “Regardless, marriage is a wonderful occasion!” to reduce the emotional burden on the couple as much as possible.