"I Should Have Done It Differently: Regrets About 'Family Meetings' Shared by Senior Brides"

2021.03.29 published

Regrets and Fails After the Family Meeting

The "family meeting" where my family and his family come together.

Since we will be having a long relationship from here on out, we want to make a good impression on each other and have everything go smoothly＊

In this article, we will introduce points that senior brides have regretted or reflected on, wishing they had done differently.

By hearing the opinions of various people, think about how you can plan your family meeting while considering, "Oh, I didn't know that," "Let's incorporate this!" and "I'll try this!”＊

@moo.shii.wedding_0222

Regret #1: I should have included the family's professions in the itinerary.

I handmade the itinerary for the family meeting dinner and included names, hobbies, and birthdays in the family profile section!

It was appreciated, and we had a great time talking about our hobbies, but later my mother bombarded me with questions like, "What does your father do for a living?" and "Is your mother a housewife?"

It seems that from the perspective of my parents, they were very curious about the other parents' professions. While I had heard about them from him, they weren't clear-cut professions like "police officer" or "elementary school teacher" (more like something I heard about something related to a company...), so I ended up forgetting.

My mother didn’t explicitly say, "Show me the family backgrounds!" but she mentioned she wanted to know for future reference, so I thought that it would have been better to ask in advance and include it in the family meeting itinerary. (If I had written it down, we might have had a lively discussion about jobs.)

Regret #2: The garland wasn’t necessary.

I made a paper fan garland that says "Family Meeting" which I often see on Instagram (photo props)!

While I was making it, I was excited, and when it was time to take pictures and I showed it, my in-laws were impressed, and my father laughed, saying it looked like a play, which made the atmosphere pleasant.

But when I looked back at the photos, it did indeed look childish, like a play, as my father mentioned, and I started to feel embarrassed, thinking my in-laws might be silently judging, “Wow, she’s really into this!” (After all, wasn't the garland trend around 3-4 years ago for weddings?)

It would've been better to take some pictures without the garland version, but I didn’t think that far ahead, and I'm shocked that our memorable family meeting photos ended up looking tacky. (I wanted to include it in the profile movie too, but it's a dilemma...)

For brides who are about to have their weddings, I strongly recommend considering how the garland might be perceived by the in-laws (could they think I’m trying too hard?) and if you prepare one, make sure to also take pictures without it!

Regret #3: I let him choose the restaurant.

He said, "The family meeting doesn't have to be formal; both parents think so," so he made a reservation at a somewhat nice izakaya? Japanese-style dining? (Apparently, he searched "family meeting [location]" and picked somewhere that showed up at the top of the gourmet site.)

We sat in a dimly lit semi-private room with no windows, and it felt like a place used for a casual business meeting. The food wasn't especially delicious either. (We ordered a 4900 yen lunch course and a 2500 yen all-you-can-drink plan.)

I thought it was okay since he booked it and had said casual was fine, but I ended up getting heavily criticized by my sister.

She said things like, "I thought this was a place for a mixer,"

"Do his parents even know he made this reservation?"

"You should have picked a nice restaurant in a hotel instead,"

"For a 5000 yen lunch, there are way better options,"

"The staff also spoke in a casual izakaya manner, which ruined it,"

and I felt truly saddened.

Even though he said casual was okay, I thought I should have looked into it myself and chosen a restaurant suitable for the family meeting. (If his parents thought it was my choice, as my sister suggested, that would have been shocking.)

If possible, I want to redo it.

Regret #4: I should have clarified who would pay.

The most significant regret was the confusion during the payment at the family meeting!

We were supposed to pay for the meeting, and I conveyed this to my parents in advance, but it seemed his parents were not informed (he hadn’t told them).

When it came time to pay and he tried to take care of it, his father insisted, "I’ll handle this!"

My parents live far away (while his parents and we live close), so they thought we were supposed to pay.

My parents were confused as this contradicted what they had been told, and even when he insisted he would pay, his father wouldn't budge, which caused a lot of trouble.

I thought I had clearly mentioned to him that we should take care of the bill (so he should tell our parents), but…

I vowed to double-check key points that are likely to lead to confusion. I know not all guys are like this, but please be careful.

Regret #5: Confusion during the farewell.

I think it was a mistake not knowing when to end our time together.

After the family meeting, we gathered outside the restaurant to say goodbye, and it felt like it was time to part ways, but…

In the end, since we were heading to the same station, what I thought was a natural conclusion turned into a vague goodbye as we ended up going to the station together, and it felt awkward when we were on the platform and one of us said, "Okay, this is it!" (Thank goodness we weren't on the same train…)

Since I booked a restaurant with nothing nearby, I should have chosen a location with multiple attractions, or near a shrine where we could visit together, which would have made parting easier.

Regret #6: We should have decided seating arrangements (shared them).

We didn't particularly decide the seating order for the family meeting. I thought it was just common sense, "From the top seat, his father, his mother, him, and from the bottom seat, my father, my mother, and then me," but when it came to sitting down, his father said, "Please, go ahead," and my mother suggested, "Wouldn’t the main person want to sit in the middle?" which caused a different seating arrangement from what I anticipated, leaving me confused.

I thought that usually (as it’s considered good manners and what is mentioned in things like Zexy) this is how it should be, but since I hadn’t specifically shared what I was thinking with either him or my parents, I regretted not clearly communicating my thoughts.

Regret #7: I wasn’t able to fill out the marriage registration.

We had the family meeting at a restaurant.

I planned to have the witnesses sign the marriage registration at that time, so I brought the registration and a pen with me.

I intended to have them fill it out after the meal, but because the table had a tablecloth, I couldn’t write (I brought it in a clear folder without any hard surface to write on...), so we had to move to a nearby cafe to fill it out (I felt so bad!).

Furthermore, there is a space for a seal on the witness section, but I hadn’t informed both sets of parents about wanting them to fill it out, so naturally, they didn’t have their seals with them.

In the end, his parents had to take the marriage registration to stamp their seals, and then they mailed it to my parents, who then stamped it and sent it to us.

With my lack of preparation and confirmation, I couldn’t proceed smoothly. For brides who plan to have witnesses sign, don’t forget to "confirm whether there is a tablecloth (whether there’s a space for writing) or bring a writing board" and "ask the parents to bring their seals!"

➡️ Download the marriage registration from marry here

➡️ Download a marriage registration you can create yourself from marry here

Let’s learn from the regrets of senior brides.

We’ve shared regrets regarding the family meeting dinner.

There were quite a few unexpected things, so it’s essential to prepare thoroughly...!

Keep in mind that "such troubles can arise" to avoid repeating the mistakes of senior brides.

@ds_wedding2021