"Things Brides Should Avoid Saying Regarding COVID-19 (Even If It Sounds Preachy)"

2020.09.08 published

Statements that might slip out if we're not careful.

The period where almost all weddings were postponed or canceled due to the impact of COVID-19 has passed.

The number of weddings being held and the act of inviting others is gradually increasing in society.

(Even though they are small-scale weddings, royal weddings have taken place! ♡)

@haruno45

The issue at hand is the "division that arises when the majority who chose to postpone or cancel now have the option to hold their weddings."

Until now, interactions were limited to "I've decided to postpone" and "Oh, that's unfortunate." However, moving forward,

✅ Newlyweds need to make judgments about whether to hold their wedding or not.

✅ Guests need to make judgments about whether to participate or not.

✅ Both the newlyweds and the guests need to accept each other's judgments and clearly communicate their own opinions even if they differ from one another.

This is a period that requires such a flow.

It is important to note that people's perceptions of the coronavirus vary. I believe no one has the right to interfere with another’s judgment.

On the other hand, I resonate strongly with a statement I came across in an article today on social media: "By imposing a new way of life, new divisions arise. And that robs people of joy under the pretext of COVID-19 measures."

➡️ Here’s the article

@haruno45

While we can't change how people feel.

Division causes people to confront and criticize each other.

Division occurs when people have gained a degree of freedom and are in a position to make choices.

Right now, the internet is filled with phrases like:

"I was invited to a wedding! That's absurd during this time! It's inconsiderate!"

and

"When I invited someone to my wedding, they ignored my message! I'm cutting ties!"

Weddings are supposed to be joyous ceremonies, yet it’s heartbreaking that they can be a source of division.

<Therefore>

In this article, based on my motto of "not interfering with others' judgments," I've listed things I would avoid saying, thinking, or writing on the internet if I were a bride trying to avoid division with my guests and those around me.

@haruno45

NO ① Value the people who come!

Expressions like "It's okay if some can't come! I’ll cherish those kind people who do!"

may seem positive at first glance, but it implies that those who don’t come aren’t kind. Those who can’t attend should also be valued, as a matter of course.

It's best not to rank the people’s positions or worth based on their attendance.

Whether someone is worried about COVID or not should be entirely separate from one’s relationships.

Comments that could be interpreted as suggesting the attendance responses reflect the depth or strength of relationships should be avoided.

NO ② Make those who don’t come regret it!

When receiving notifications of absences, thinking, "It's okay! I'll make it so much fun that people will regret not coming!”

may seem positive, but I think it’s an inappropriate mindset.

To target people who’ve done nothing wrong with, "I’ll make you regret it!" seems odd.

NO ③ We're taking these precautions, so it’s safe! Trust me!

The part saying, "It’s safe! Trust me!" is unnecessary.

Facts and interpretation are two different things.

Stating, "We’ve implemented these measures..." is a fact.

Following up that "it's safe!" is an interpretation.

Asking to "trust me!" is a request.

Regarding matters like COVID, where perceptions differ greatly, I believe it’s best to "share facts and seek the other person's judgment, which I will not interfere with."

NO ④ If you’re skipping the wedding, you aren't going out much, right?

This topic has been quite the issue.

"If you're skipping my wedding for COVID, how can you be going out normally?!"

"Have you not gone out since March?!"

"You went to a tourist spot last week but won’t attend my wedding?!"

"Are you okay with going to the 'happy place'?!"

They tend to put people on the defensive.

I understand the urge to express many things, but one cannot control another's judgment or actions, so it’s easier to accept everything as it is.

[Bonus Section] Things Guests Should Avoid Saying

If I were in the guest's position, things I shouldn't say... I've considered as well.

[①]

"So you're postponing, huh? I think that's a wise decision."

...While this may sound kind or encouraging, it could be perceived as "This person really wanted things to be postponed..." So it’s safer to not say, "I’m glad you postponed!" or "That’s a great decision!".

Simply saying, "Please invite me to the postponed wedding. I’m looking forward to it!" might be better.

(Although some might find this pressuring as it implies they must have a wedding someday...)

[②]

"Doing a wedding at this time is selfish."

...It's not good to criticize someone for making choices that don’t break laws or rules.

If it differs from one’s own decision-making, it’s better to act according to one’s beliefs and communicate those decisions to the other person.

[③]

"I heard XX is not doing it!"

....This is also a real scenario.

"Wait! XX from work postponed their wedding, but XX is going ahead with theirs?!"

Life is case-by-case, and others' choices don't concern oneself, so comparing oneself to others is a given...

Moreover, comparing others to others is even more meaningless, so one should refrain from doing that.

[④]

"You decided to postpone. Thank you for protecting our lives!"

....If I were the bride or groom, I might feel, "So, the wedding is something that puts people at such risk..." and feel disheartened.

I might never want to think about weddings again...

To be kind to others, completely separate oneself and think.

In the situation of COVID-19 and weddings, there are possible statements that might slip out that could hurt others... I've compiled them based on my thoughts.

These kinds of things often happen, right???

I personally believe that "judging others (or their decisions)" is taboo in life, but it can easily come out, making it something to be very cautious about.

When people in different positions or with differing judgments start judging each other, division arises, and in many cases, confrontation begins.

The conclusion is...

Whether in the position of the bride and groom or the guests.

One is oneself, and the other is the other.

It’s challenging to maintain a relationship based on compassion and respect without interference or imposition, but I want to be conscious of living in a way that allows for comfortable and caring relationships.