"The Company I Booked for Pre-Wedding Photos Only Praised the Groom on Social Media, and It Hurt My Feelings. Is This Insensitivity Common?"

2021.05.12 published

This is a consultation from a bride-to-be.

Concerns from a bride-to-be received at marry.

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The other day, I had a pre-wedding photo shoot.

It was fun at the time, but later I was really shocked by something.

The company that handled the shooting asked me in advance, "Can we post some photos on Instagram?" and although I wasn’t excited about it, I thought it would be rude to decline, so I said OK.

After the shoot, when I got home and checked Instagram, I found our shooting scenes posted in their stories.....

"Today's groom is so handsome✨"

"This groom looks just like a handsome actor✨"

"The posing knocked everyone out!"

There were a lot of posts praising the groom (my husband), which really shocked me.

The person in charge was a woman, and I couldn't help but wonder how she viewed my husband?! While there was no mention of me, they praised my husband's looks, and I felt left out!

Don’t you think the person in charge was insensitive?? My feelings aren't crazy, right??

If anyone has similar experiences with wedding-related SNS, where you felt "I didn’t like being posted like this," please let me know 😭

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It does sound like a bit of an uncomfortable way of complimenting.

I'll share this concern on marry's Instagram and present all the responses gathered from our followers.

【Response 1】

I understand. I’ve had a bad experience too.

My husband's hairstyle is a buzz cut, but I disliked posts that associated buzz cuts with balding.

(Like, "Today's groom is sporting a buzz cut! He’s definitely not balding!")

While the posts had a fun feel, the person involved didn’t find it enjoyable at all.

In reality, he has a buzz cut because his hair is thinning, but I just don’t see what’s so funny about being bald...

【Response 2】

Oh... that’s terrible...

Which company is that??

I was considering a post-shoot as well, but I definitely don’t want to hire that company.

【Response 3】

I understand.

Everyone has a different vibe and perspective for SNS, so it can be surprising to see someone with a different sensibility.

I follow a famous hair and makeup artist and dreamed of hiring them, but the closer I got to actually requesting services, I became concerned about their posts like "Today's bride is a beauty~♡."

I worried about what would happen if I wasn’t said to be beautiful or that I wouldn’t be good enough for their posts...

In fact, a friend of mine hired the same artist, and the day after her wedding, they posted, "Today’s pre-wedding shoot is a very important day!" which made her feel sad as she felt compared.

Given that SNS is a business tool, one must be careful with both postings and viewing, but since it’s hard to cater to everyone, the best approach is to just "not take it too seriously."

【Response 4】

That’s really sad.....

I might even start doubting my fiancé’s loyalty if it continued, making me never want to see him again.

It frustrates me to trust someone with such an important day when I feel this way.

I’ve also experienced slight shocks related to Instagram.

That person often posts pictures of presents from brides with captions like "Thank you!" but my little tip was not posted, haha.

It's really a minor thing, but it still leaves me feeling unsettled.

【Response 5】

I think you must have gone through a very painful experience. It's normal to feel hurt.

I even feel distrust towards the lack of consideration from the woman responsible for that company, and the biased content she published 😿.

【Response 6】

Is it possible that the groom is just too handsome?🤣

But personally, I believe the bride should be the main focus of this event, so it would have been nice if she at least stated, "The bride is beautiful! The dress is wonderful!" even if it was a polite lie😭💦.

I also had the photographer check my SNS posts, and I approved them, although (my husband said no, so only those where he isn't clearly visible went up), I disliked some photos of myself where I thought I looked ugly..... 😂

I guess the photographer must have thought they were good enough to post, but I found it funny since I was grinning with my gums showing.

I think it’s not so much a matter of me being overly concerned, but rather I would prefer to specify, "This photo is okay" if I can 😂.

【Response 7】

I myself haven’t done a pre-wedding or a post-wedding shoot, but if I saw that post, I think I would harbor doubts about that photographer. It’s natural for the bride to feel bad.

I had considered engaging with other photographers, but I found one who said something like, "I’ve never met someone who pays such attention to detail to their fingers, so this bride is unusually elegant" and I thought it might be complicated if the previous photographer saw that.

I didn’t want to be compared like that, so I decided not to hire them.

Of course, photographers are human too, so I believe they have their own thoughts, but I think it’s part of being a professional to avoid revealing them (so as not to invoke unnecessary thoughts or feelings).

It’s probably only a negative element for photographers as well. I hope that this bride regains even a little happiness!

【Response 8】

I had a similar experience when I contracted a discount based on the condition that SNS posts would be made, yet none were posted (-｡-;

And then the CD-R that held the printed data for the photos featured a picture of me from behind, which made me cry.

No matter what the outcome or how the data looked, I wanted them to recognize that the bride is always the star.

But the questioner should feel fortunate that only her husband was posted about! 😍

【Response 9】

I’m a bride-to-be who is unsure about doing a pre-wedding shoot. Our wedding has been postponed by a year due to COVID. Initially, I wasn’t planning on having a pre-wedding shoot, but since there’s so much time before the wedding, I’m considering doing one.

However, I lack confidence in my appearance. I’m over 30 now and hesitate to be photographed compared to my 20s.

I do enjoy exercising, so I think I can manage my body shape, but my stressful job has recently caused skin troubles, so every time I see lovely brides on Instagram, I think it's embarrassing for someone like me to do a pre-wedding shoot...

I believe it’s good to compliment beautiful things, but I was taken aback by the staff’s insensitivity in praising appearance above all. They probably mean no harm...

I’m sure the poster is a beautiful person as well. I truly feel sad about the negative impact of SNS posts affecting their mood, but I hope for fantastic photographs and a wonderful ceremony!

【Response 10】

Here’s my experience😭😭

I allowed the wedding venue to post our wedding on their page. Each time they featured us, it made my husband and family happy.

Recently I checked their website and saw that the title of our wedding was "love my self," which felt a bit off to me.

When I looked up the meaning, it summarized as self-love and didn’t make me feel great. While my husband and I laughed about it, I felt a bit of regret thinking, “Were we that self-absorbed?”

From the beginning, I expressed that I wanted to create an exciting experience for the guests, so it was sad to think we left that kind of impression.

【Response 11】

Hello! Nice to meet you!

I’m also currently a bride-to-be and plan to hold my ceremony this November.

I’m having my final fitting this week, but I’m a bit chubby, so I’m concerned about my body shape with every fitting and am currently working hard to diet until the ceremony.

The planner knows about this and has never commented on my appearance; rather, she compliments me instead.

Of course, I understand that the planner might find it difficult to address, and I appreciate that she tries to be considerate. However, I feel that it’s inappropriate to excessively comment on someone’s appearance as a business.

I think it’s not suitable to only praise the groom; it’s mixing business with personal feelings. Plus, the comments they make in pursuit of a positive public image for the company lack consideration for the feelings of the bride. I would definitely feel unpleasant seeing such posts.

While the content on that Instagram is regrettable, I hope you at least receive good finished photographs!

【Response 12】

I’ve had a similar experience too!!

In terms of disparity in compliments on SNS, my case involved brides around the same time.

I was told, "I will post photos on Instagram!" and I was looking forward to it. It turned out there were a few photos and a caption like, "Congratulations!" with basic, ordinary hashtags.

I didn’t see everyone’s posts, but there was a bride who was featured the next day and had wonderful traditional Japanese attire with beautiful photos and lots of hashtags praising them.

It might have been due to one photographer being different, but I felt a bit selfish wanting to have a little praise back since I also wore traditional attire and styled my natural hair beautifully!

【Response 13】

Honestly, I think I would file a complaint if I were in this situation.

It’s quite unpleasant, and it would not be surprising if someone wrote a review about it.

【Response 14】

As a former planner, I find these matters very delicate and should be handled with care.

Regardless of whether it’s a wedding or a pre-wedding shoot, it should be a celebration for both individuals, and the aim is to provide a marvelous experience and memories for both, which is something I believe is essential as part of the job when being compensated...

This might be a biased opinion, but I hope this bride’s feelings clear up so she can have a wonderful wedding or life ahead!

【Response 15】

First of all, even though you obtained consent, since this is a pre-wedding shoot, there’s the risk of revealing the dress for the actual ceremony, and it should have been posted after the ceremony.

Also, while your husband may have been the favorite of the person in charge, the bride is, above all, the main character of the event👰. How could a company lack such common sense?

【Response 16】

I have had my own issues at the shop where I tried on dresses instead of pre-wedding shoots.

That shop primarily handled imported dresses. Before visiting there, I had tried on dresses at several other stores, and they provided the bridal intimates for me.

But when I arrived on the day of the visit, I was told to wear a strapless bra and nothing else. I didn’t care much about it initially, but later that shop posted my fitting photo along with three cautionary points regarding fittings.

1) Come with full makeup.

2) Hair should be styled or neatly curled (loose curls aren’t acceptable, haha).

3) Wear white underwear (leave sexy ones for just your man).

I can understand the advice, but I don’t even remember what color I wore, but it was definitely not sexy.

I understood the intent of posting cautionary tales, but it hurt to see my image being used as if I had not observed those three points, somewhat mocking it.

I really liked the dress and had it in mind as a candidate, but I ultimately decided against it since I couldn’t engage comfortably anymore.

【Response 17】

It’s truly unfortunate to experience something like this during what should be a beautiful memory of a once-in-a-lifetime event 😢. I had a bit of drama with the venue as well during my pre-wedding and wedding.

During the planning meetings, they told us that it would be fine to bring props on the day. However, when the day came, the photographer asked, “Do you have any props prepared?” This was when I learned for the first time that props were allowed...

(I admit it was my fault for not checking during the meeting... but still, it’s usual for planners to communicate about such things, right?!)

The mood quickly soured when the photography began. Worse still was my husband getting angrier over the props at the venue!

He noticed a hole in the umbrella meant for the traditional attire, and in front of the planner, he shouted, “Hey, there’s a hole; make sure it’s not visible when taking photos!!” 🤣

The photographer chuckled, while the planner hurriedly adjusted the umbrella’s position 🤦‍♀️

I thought to myself, “You should’ve fixed it if it was that noticeable!” Since we had a dress fitting on the wedding day itself, I made sure to bring props and was assertive about posing 😆.

Later, through email exchanges for ceremony arrangements, there was a week where I didn’t get a reply, and I was feeling anxious about important things omitted from our discussions. I explained everything to my husband while crying, and he ended up calling the venue manager to discuss things.

The manager apologized and said they would support us to the best of their abilities moving forward, asking if we could continue with the planner we had.

I absolutely didn’t want that, so I requested to transfer to a skilled planner from a different store! 👏

Afterwards, every time I went for meetings, the manager greeted us, and we were treated like VIPs, making my wedding planning experience a dream come true 🥺✨.

I didn't want to be a complainer, but if you feel upset, it's best to communicate clearly 🙌.

If that venue were to respond negatively, it means there are only people there who wouldn't understand the feelings of brides-to-be 💦.

To the bride-to-be who made this post! 👰 If you had a negative experience, please speak up!! If you express your feelings and feel refreshed, someday it can become a funny story! 😊

【Response 18】

I think complimenting the marrying partner shows how envious and happy the bride is! That’s just my perspective...

If I were in that position, I'd feel proud and happy if my future spouse was praised.

【Response 19】

I haven’t had a negative experience, but my husband is far from being handsome, so if he were to be called good-looking, I’d be thrilled, haha.

Still, I’d feel like they should have praised me too! I think that was a bit inconsiderate! 🥺

【Response 20】

If it were me, I would be happy to have my husband praised by another woman! So I’d probably take a screenshot of that story and save it happily♡

Honestly, it would be nice if they praised me as the bride too, but even if they didn’t, I wouldn’t be too shocked...

It would feel uncomfortable if the photographer were clearly viewing the groom through a woman’s perspective while taking pictures, though... 😭😭💦

【Response 21】

You usually see this kind of thing in posts from photography companies, right? 😭

They might write things like, "Today's bride is like a model! So beautiful! Too gorgeous!" and it makes you wonder if they think the other brides aren’t beautiful?! I’ve always felt it’s not great to comment on looks so much. 🥺

【Response 22】

I find it extremely disrespectful 😩😩😩😩.

If it were me, I would likely ask for the SNS post to be removed. I fear that such a wonderful memory would be tainted by that post, so I would reach out immediately!

If it’s a nice post, I’m totally fine with it though ☹️.

【Response 23】

That’s unpleasant...

I might say, “This kind of post is distressing. It’s really a shame that our pre-wedding shoot is being tarnished,” crying out loud 😭. Try to cheer yourself up and enjoy the moment 🤬🔥.

【Response 24】

That’s an incredibly rude company! It makes me furious to see it! A bride should be able to shine as the leading actress of her own life❗️

【Response 25】

While it lacks delicacy, I wouldn’t say it’s entirely wrong either, haha.

With these types of things, “letting it slide” is also a survival tactic in life〜〜.

【Response 26】

If the husband is handsome, doesn’t that just mean the bride has high standards?! I thought that automatically means the bride gets compliments as well.

If someone wrote, “Everyone was knocked out by the posing,” about my husband, I would bust out laughing and feel great! ❤︎

【Response 27】

I always look forward to reading wonderful wedding information. I have been in the wedding industry for a long time and have dealt with numerous client inquiries.

While I may not know the complete truth, the fact that the bride felt this way is a reality that should be acknowledged. I think the filming company should apologize for that.

Based on what I’ve heard, it appears the staff at this company lack proper training.

It seems they posted simply out of spontaneity, without understanding the company’s intent to feature clients on SNS. Weddings shouldn’t be approached in such a manner.

【Response 28】

I wouldn’t feel good about this. It feels like they are only focused on the husband! I think it’s fine to express this to someone who is not in charge!

【Response 29】

If this text was created by the female in charge, it’s filled with mistrust... Since both are the main characters, it’s quite uncomfortable to overly praise one party.

I think if you're unsure, it’s best to express that you don’t want your face seen by many people. 😔💦

Stories don’t last like feeds, but it’s also valid to say something to that company...

Speak thoughtfully...!

Thank you to everyone who replied.

There are times when innocent words or actions, even without ill will, can feel prickly and hurtful...

Please be extremely mindful to avoid becoming a person who hurts others.

And to shield yourself from being hurt, be conscious of your insensitivity when in similar situations.

Living life requires numerous techniques, and it can be exhausting; during such times, taking a trip to a hot spring might help to ease your spirits, so you can continue to live as happily as possible tomorrow!

➡️ The travel-related article I most want you to read recently is by Nagisa from marry, titled “Discover the Secret! If you book a hotel plan with tickets through GoTo Travel, you can get up to 35% off Disney admission!”

@haruno45