"Now Mainstream: Navigating the Dilemma of Honesty with Parents About Meeting Through a Dating App"

2021.12.16 published

App Marriage. Should You Tell Everyone???

Hello, I’m Haruno Tsuzaki, the editor of marry.

We received a consultation from one of our followers on marry’s Instagram.

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I have been dating my partner for about a year, and we are planning to get married, but there is a problem.

We met through a matching app, but how should I tell my parents about this...?

While matching apps have become a common way to meet people in our generation, it is different for the older generation, right...?

My parents are quite strict, and I’m worried they will react angrily, asking, "Did you really use a dating app!?" 🥺

For those who met through matching apps or other difficult-to-talk-about circumstances, how do you explain it to your parents? For those who did not meet this way, how would you introduce it if it were you...?

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Indeed, one might find themselves worried about what to do....

Nowadays, there are more celebrities like Momochan and Kuro-chan who openly say, “I got married through Tinder!” or “I got married through Pairs!” However, I understand the feeling of being somewhat hesitant about it.

Factors like character and environment... It really varies from person to person.

As proof of this, we conducted a story poll, and the results were exactly half for "Honestly say it" and half for "Lie".

<Poll Results>

(We received about 5,000 responses! Thank you, everyone.)

We received many DMs, so I will introduce them one by one. We received a whopping 131 DMs!

There are various personal experiences, so please read till the end as they're presented in no particular order.

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[Response 1]

We also met on a matching app and got married after about a year👰💐

When I told my mother at the beginning of our relationship, she was indeed surprised and worried, but I think honestly is the best policy because lying will eventually be exposed🥺

It's understandable that she would be concerned, especially since such apps are used for crimes, but I believe that if you talk about it and show the partner’s character, they will feel reassured.

However, if you mention it right off the bat, they might see you in a negative light, so I think it's better to lead with non-sensitive topics about your upbringing, background, and occupation first, and then mention it in the middle (ideally when asked) 😌.

By the way, I think your partner's parents will also have similar concerns. Although I wasn't asked, I presented my business card!

I believe it's crucial to show that your child isn't being deceived and that they are with someone who has a solid background! Since business cards can be fabricated, it would be even better if you could provide access to your graduation album or university website 😂.

I hope this helps 🍀

[Response 2]

I met my partner through an app as well and got married. I was able to tell my mother, but to my father, I said, “We met at a group meeting.” However, since he is quite responsible, he hasn’t pursued it further!

He said he was happy that such a wonderful person became his son. I have never been directly asked, and if both parties are doing well, I feel that parents do not mind!

[Response 3]

Congratulations on your marriage, poster!

I also met through a matching app and got married on our one-year anniversary. We are preparing for our wedding in November, and I am creating a profile movie. I found this post while wondering how to depict our meeting.

It’s indeed difficult to communicate to the older generation, isn’t it? Even among friends of the same generation, some might still resist, so I have kept it hidden from my parents and friends.

My husband seems to talk about it to close friends (who also married through an app).

Fortunately, we share many common points like being the same age and living and working nearby, so neither of us felt awkward introducing each other as “friends of friends"! ☻

Especially my mother, since our relationship is like that of best friends, I feel that if I say “I was introduced,” she will ask, “Who introduced you?” (laughs).

I tend to present it as “I met during a drinking occasion, and we exchanged contact information with everyone, and before I knew it…” in a vague manner.

By the way, a staff member from the wedding venue shared with me that about 30% of couples currently meet through apps!

➡ I heard many people are trying it out! If you start using a matching app, Pairs might be good!

[Response 4]

We also met through an app, and we properly told our parents!

It was tough to carry the burden of feeling guilty about hiding it forever.

Also, while they were initially uneasy, they felt reassured when my husband made a great first impression when they met!

[Response 5]

Exactly, we are in the same boat, and our concerns are the same, haha.

Together, we agreed to say “We met at a drinking party.” so it wouldn’t be pursued too deeply... haha.

I think we will face a similar issue when it comes to the wedding about how we started our relationship, so if you can, it’s easier to talk about it openly once the wedding ceremony is over! ☺️

But once the wedding is over, we are just like any other couple ☺️

[Response 6]

I got married after meeting through a matching app, but I introduced myself to my parents and relatives as someone who helped me when I was drunk – quite a nice story in fact (laughs)!

[Response 7]

I also met my partner through an app! When referring to “dating apps” or “matching apps,” it seems to carry a dangerous connotation, so I told them, “I was looking for a marriage partner,” and they took it very well! 🤍

[Response 8]

I got married to someone I met at a cabaret.

Society still has quite a poor understanding of nighttime jobs, and it generates bad impressions among my parents’ generation, so I explain to friends and family that we met through mutual friends instead.

Ultimately, it’s about the happiness of the individuals rather than the place where they met. While explaining is important for understanding, if we are happy, I feel there’s no real need to explain deeply, right?!

People tend to inquire about how you met, don’t they? 😅 But usually, it’s just curiosity, so I think it’s fine to let it slide easily 🌸

[Response 9]

My parents are not particularly strict, but I have told them that we met through a friend’s introduction!

There happened to be mutual friends, and that friend helped us out 🌿.

He seems to have told his parents everything (laughs).

[Response 10]

I also met my husband through a matching app!! I casually bragged to my mother that we met through an app soon after we started dating! My father is quite stubborn, but as soon as I started dating, he asked, “Where did you meet?” and I honestly told him that we met through an app!

My father seemed to be confused and didn’t particularly bring it up afterwards!! When I introduced him, he praised me saying, “He’s a great guy!” 𓂃 𓈒𓏸◌

I felt that it’s best for him to see the person, regardless of how we met!

I’ve introduced boyfriends to my father before, but this was the best reaction I’ve ever had 🍀

I’ve boasted to my friends that I met through an app, and I encouraged them to try it too!! As for the wedding profile introduction, I just mentioned when we met and avoided going into details!

After all, it was just a starting point, and I think it’s better to be upfront than to keep feeling uneasy about it!

If someone calls it a dating app, you might feel a prick! I told my father that it’s not that sordid but a pure app! 🙄

Thanks to the app, I was able to meet my husband, and I’m happy 💕

[Response 11]

The term “dating app” carries some problematic connotations.

I think it would be best to say you met someone through social media‼️

[Response 12]

I met my husband at a switch bar where many people seek for dating!

I went with friends, and while “friends had dating in mind,” “I intended to just enjoy free drinks,” I ended up meeting someone (laughs).

I've explained the circumstances and reasons to both sets of parents 😄

As a side note, when my brother mentioned that he would meet someone from a dating app, my mother was shocked and concerned, asking, “What!? A dating app!? Is that safe? Will you get scammed!?” However, when I explained, “There are many people these days, and it doesn’t have the same negative connotations as before,” she said, “Well, if that’s the case, it’s fine…” and accepted it!

[Response 13]

Just saying you met through an introduction is just fine!

A matching app is just an introduction app, in my opinion (laughs).

The older generation didn’t grow up with these types of social media, so asking them to understand might be challenging🥺.

You don’t need to lie, but I don’t think you should tell the entire truth either!

[Response 14]

I met through an intermingling bar and say we met through drinking parties (laughs).

I’ve told a few close friends, but not much beyond that 💧.

If I mentioned something about a matching app, I would probably say it was a referral from an acquaintance.

[Response 15]

I attended a group meeting, and we met, but told my parents I met through a group meeting and omitted that it was a dating app. 😊 My relatives knew I had met at a friend's introduction!

It seems like a common response, as everyone has a different perspective on how to meet.

[Response 16]

We also met through a matching app!

My parents don’t ask much, so we easily mentioned it!

Luckily, it appears that the times have changed, making it easier to share such information.

[Response 17]

I met my husband through a matching app! ☺️ I’ve honestly shared it with my parents (as they understood) but kept it secret from my in-laws.

When my parents found out that we met through an app, they were shocked at first, but later supported us after seeing our happiness.

[Response 18]

Meeting through an app is no different from my friends meeting at a network event!

I think explaining it like that could help ease any worries they may have.

➡ Since many people are using it now, a resource for meeting others through matching apps might be a good idea!

[Final Note]

Thank you all for your responses!

As I mentioned initially, the answers will vary based on personal circumstances and perspectives...

One thing I noticed is that even a while after getting married, there are many instances where people ask about how you met.

I have a 4-year-old child, and when organizing playdates with friends from kindergarten or meeting new families in parks or condominiums, I often get asked, “How did Mr. and Mrs. Tsuzaki meet?”

(It seems like a casual question, but it allows a better understanding of the other person).

So, questions about how you met are likely to come up not just during weddings, but throughout your married life.

As children grow up, I can imagine they might ask about it one day too (I remember asking such questions back when I was in elementary school).

Thoughts like, “I’ll tell my mother but lie to my father,” or “I’ll mention it to my siblings but not my parents” were quite common.

I found it interesting that how open one can be about it can impact their feelings toward honesty—between a couple and with family.

Hence, I gathered I want my son to feel safe sharing any truths with me, regardless of the circumstances!

➡ If you’ve met through a matching app or street party, how should you express your ‘how we met’ story?

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