Is "First Bite" Outdated? We Asked Marry's Followers About This Trending Topic on Twitter!

2022.01.19 published

The First Bite has been a hot topic!

Recently, there was a discussion about the First Bite on Twitter.

The tweet that sparked the conversation can be found here.

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There has been some talk about how the First Bite announcement doesn’t feel like us, which has led to the emergence of simultaneous bites in recent times.

Personally, I understand both the feelings of those who dislike that announcement and those who don’t mind it. However, it seems that for those who dislike it, the discomfort can be so strong that they don’t want to be in that situation at all...!

(⬇️ There were people like this too.)

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However, voices on the internet can make strong opinions appear larger even if they are in the minority, which makes me want to know the real opinions of everyone who follows marry.

⬇️ After posting such a question on my Instagram Story, I received many responses that I'd like to introduce!♡

【Response 1】

I didn’t do the cake cutting, but if I had, I would have wanted the First Bite announcement to be made!

I do think it doesn’t fit the current times, and my partner and I both felt that it didn’t represent us.

Since my husband is a graduate student, I am currently the one working and earning, and in return, he makes a lot of delicious meals, and even when he starts working, I plan to work as well... So, even though it’s just an announcement, it makes me tilt my head in confusion, and we’ve been discussing how it doesn’t feel right.

I think those who don’t mind can stick with it, and guests will be more focused on the interaction between the two of us rather than the announcement, so if it bothers you, I think it’s good to change it ♫︎

A line like “Wishing for the lovely couple to continue being together happily” would be nice, and expressing the desire to feed a loved one before yourself would also be lovely 🎂

For now, we decided against it because we didn’t want our parents or friends to see us doing the "Ahh" thing (laughs)

【Response 2】

Honestly, I’m a little tired of such opinions lately 🥲💦 I’m a woman, and I feel uncomfortable with the idea that all women think this way.

While I absolutely believe in a society where women thrive and the idea of being genderless is good, the previous way of announcing the First Bite isn’t bad, and I can’t help but think that expanding new expressions in line with the times isn’t a bad thing.

I never want to be in a position where food is lacking, and since I’m planning to make delicious meals, I wouldn’t care if the announcement is like that (laughs). I believe there are a good number of people who feel indifferent as well. It all feels a bit too uptight for everything.

It could be that the wife won’t run out of food, or the husband is the one who cooks delicious meals; just because there are more options available than in the past doesn’t mean it should cause a stir 😣

【Response 3】

I don’t mind it much.

Since the original meaning comes from that context, isn’t it inevitable that it doesn’t align with current values…?

If it’s just an announcement to explain that it has this original meaning, and if you'd like to add more, why not just ask them to “add more!”?

By the way, we did the First Bite, but we kept it simple with an announcement like, “You two who love eating! Let’s eat with big mouths!”

Even if we explained the meaning, I thought there might be few people listening or interested in knowing, so we kept the announcement short.

【Response 4】

I was also concerned; it felt like an old custom of “men work outside, and women do housework”, which I didn’t like. There was a previous article by marry about “simultaneous bites (feeding each other at the same time)”, and since the content was about “we both work!”, we did simultaneous bites at my wedding as well!

I forgot to have the meaning of simultaneous bites explained during the announcement, but 😂, I think my husband understood when I showed him the article saying “I want to do this!”, so I’m glad we could do it! 😊

【Response 5】

I don’t care at all. Recently, topics about men and women have come up a lot on TV, and it seems like raising those topics makes it even worse, implying that men are above and women are below! I’ve never felt that way in daily life, so I think fun moments like the First Bite don’t need to be a battleground 😂

【Response 6】

I’m not good at cooking, and my husband prefers to spend time in the kitchen. Since I’m more of the breadwinner, for the First Bite, we decided on a cross bite with no announcement 🌿

We included the background for the cross-bite, and it was all kept low-key 🍰

The announcement was just “Let’s help each other to eat” 🎤

【Response 7】

Now that you mention it, I’m a bit concerned!

I’d love to hear stories from those who changed it 🥺

I want to know how they changed it for reference!

【Response 8】

I haven’t had my wedding yet and don't have much experience attending, so I didn’t think about it much, but I absolutely plan to change the announcement at my wedding.

【Response 9】

I don’t care at all. But for my case, the bite from the bride was symbolized by a large spoon representing the size of love.

Nonetheless, I don't want people who want to nitpick about such topics to participate in the celebration, and if it bothers them, they can always ask for a change. I think it’s too much to worry about the opinions of those around you.

【Response 10】

Hello, thank you for your wonderful posts as always✨

I felt the typical announcement of the First Bite wasn’t quite us.

So, we changed it to a scene where we feed each other simultaneously, and asked for an announcement like, “Let’s support each other and live together happily!”

At first, I hesitated to include this performance because I was embarrassed, but with some ingenuity, we managed to enjoy it◎ And since it’s hard to eat during the reception, it was nice to eat the cake at the timing of the First Bite (laughs).

I just felt like there are others with similar feelings, so I couldn’t help but comment! I’m looking forward to your future posts too ◎

【Response 11】

I heard at another wedding that we share housework and finances since we’re both working, so I thought it felt awkward.

So, I plan to change the announcement! It might go something like, “With the intention of enjoying delicious food together from the groom” and, “With the intention of always staying healthy and eating plentifully from the bride” 🙌

【Response 12】

We did a simultaneous first bite to symbolize supporting each other!

【Response 13】

I recently had my ceremony!

In our home, my husband does most of the cooking, so the order was reversed,

Husband → Me: “I’ll make delicious meals from now on.”

Me → Husband: “I’ll eat deliciously.”

And that’s how we announced it!!

The spoon size was normal for my husband and a large one for me 💡

【Response 14】

It’s been five years, but at our wedding, we did the First Bite, and I don’t think there was that type of announcement... 💦 I learned the original meaning for the first time through this story 🤣💦

【Response 15】

I've seen a lot of people expressing discomfort about this recently, and it makes me think they must have a lot of free time. 🤭

The couple being announced might have different roles where the wife takes care of cooking, and the husband handles other chores.

If the couple being announced doesn't like it, they can just change it. It’s not really the place for outsiders to interject; that would be quite intrusive. 😌

【Response 16】

I felt discomfort at a friend's wedding, but since my own situation fits this context, I didn't request any changes (laughs).

I think it’s an improvised announcement made during the vibe of the day, and I doubt they’d check that in the meeting with the MC.

Those who would like it changed, especially for a younger audience, could perhaps mention it during discussions 🙋‍♀️

I also think that if it’s framed as “A bite from Mr./Ms. 〇〇” instead of just “the bride/groom,” it might feel less concerning 🤔

Sorry for the rambling!

【Response 17】

Indeed, it felt awkward since in our case, the groom cooks and I do the laundry 😅 My friends laughed and said, “Isn't that reversed?!”, but I wish I had given clearer instructions 😅 While the groom being the cook was communicated in the meeting, it seems the MC wasn't the attentive type. 😂

【Response 18】

I was very concerned, but I couldn't think of an alternative expression, so I went with the original announcement. Since it's a double income couple earning equally, I do feel the awkwardness...

【Response 19】

I’m in my 20s and single, but I have been concerned and decided to DM you.

To conclude, the original First Bite is a bite from the groom and a bite from the bride. Going forward, I think it’s okay if the traditional roles are reversed.

Women are now entering workplaces more and achieving promotions, right? 😳

If men can cook and women can work, I think it’s okay for First Bites to be reversed.

【Response 20】

I had my ceremony and reception at the end of last December. I felt uneasy about the usual First Bite announcement, so we took larger pieces of cake and did a simultaneous bite!

Later, I requested the announcement to convey that eating this together symbolizes the idea that we will keep enjoying delicious food together in the future. The guests commented it was their first time seeing such a thing! 🥰

【Response 21】

I feel discomfort. I don't like the implication of “working hard and serving you.” I want us to support and cooperate with each other.

【Response 22】

I am a bridal MC.

Regarding the First Bite comments, as many couples today are both working, there are no set rules about cooking being a woman’s job; therefore, we can include comments like, “Let’s always enjoy sitting at the table together happily” and suggest the couple to feed each other. 🎶

【Response 23】

I've been concerned about this for a while, so I plan on changing it!

Since we are both working and split everything evenly 😊

It will likely be something like “Let’s support each other and enjoy delicious food together!” ♡

【Response 24】

I’m not really a feminist, so I don’t have strong feelings about it.

【Response 25】

I didn’t think too much about it, but I found it embarrassing to do the First Bite one at a time, so we did it together (simultaneously) instead 🥳

The MC kept it lighthearted without saying, “A bite from the groom,” simply saying, “On three!” and creating a fun atmosphere.

Especially in our case, where we cook and share chores equally, I thought that was a natural flow.

【Response 26】

I don’t like that kind of value system, so I’m planning not to have a First Bite during the ceremony prep.

Maybe if we changed the announcement, it could be different.

【Response 27】

I haven’t started discussions for the reception yet, but personally, it doesn’t align with my values, so I’m considering if we should change the announcement or skip it altogether 🤨

【Response 28】

I didn’t have that kind of announcement at my wedding, nor have I heard it at weddings I’ve attended before 😳

If I hear one, I might overlook it, but at my own wedding, I might want it to be omitted!

【Response 29】

I’m planning to get married in the future, but I don’t care at all ☺︎❤︎ For those who are concerned, an announcement like “May you never run out of food together!" would be nice, right? 🎂

Rather than worrying about who cooks, it's more about hoping that the two of you can enjoy wonderful food together!

【Response 30】

When I first heard about it, I thought it was out of touch with the times, but on the wedding day, there was no announcement, and the bite from the bride was framed as conveying the size of love!

【Response 31】

I really dislike that announcement. I didn’t want to have a wedding because I disliked those outdated customs.

I’m now positive about the idea of a wedding because I learned that I can eliminate those discomforting elements and have an original ceremony!

【Response 32】

While I feel some discomfort with those values, I can't find an alternative, and it sounds fun, so I want to do it.

【Response 33】

I worked part-time at a wedding venue during my student days, and now that I think about it, it does feel outdated...

That’s all for everyone’s opinions♡

Changing traditions or meanings that have firm roots just because they don’t fit modern times can be a bit resistant. However, the definitions of various things evolve over time.

Additionally, since it’s up to each person to interpret it how they want, everyone can decide what kind of First Bite moment they desire!

Therefore, it’s free for anyone to feel how they want, and they have the freedom to choose whatever they prefer!

And...

After looking into it, it seems the "First Bite performance and meaning" that became the topic of discussion this time actually lacks tradition or history and seems to represent a unique bridal culture specific to Japan.

Even in my research, I found no information suggesting that cutting wedding cakes has been traditionally done in the West, or that they define the meaning as “a bite from the male...” or “a bite from the female...”

In the West, the First Bite doesn't seem to be a topic heatedly debated in the context of feminism or gender issues in contemporary times.

Instead, it seems to convey a meaning of the couple feeding each other and symbolizes the idea of, “Let’s live together.”

A well-known story is that the original wedding cake, made during Queen Victoria's wedding, had the lowest tier meant for guests who attended, the middle tier for those who could not attend, and the top tier for future children to be born.

(So, it might not have even been meant solely for the couple to eat...)

Therefore, the First Bite is more of a recent performance rather than a traditional ceremony, and in that regard, it's perfectly fine to do it however you like. (As if it weren't obvious...)

If someone thinks, “I don’t want a wedding because of the First Bite custom. It’s embarrassing and outdated,” then of course, they can omit it, or change it to what they feel is more appropriate!

And of course, it's perfectly fine if you don't make changes either—there’s nothing wrong or outdated about it!

Always, may each person enjoy their own experience!♡