# Good and Bad Experiences from Our Families' Meet-Up Dinner <Actual Experience Report> 両家顔合わせ食事会を行って感じた良かったことと反省したことをお伝えします。 I would like to share the good and bad experiences from our families' meet-up dinner.

2022.11.09 published

My Family Meeting Report＊

Hello, this is Yuki from Marry.

Recently, my fiancé and I, along with our parents, had a family meeting dinner before our wedding with all six of us!

I'm relieved that we were able to introduce each other's families and that they filled in the witness section of the marriage registration.

However, looking back on the day...

"Maybe we should have done this differently..."

"That moment was a bit awkward..."

"Ah, I should have informed my parents about this in advance..."

There are some points of reflection and minor regrets, so I would like to summarize them in this article.

① We couldn't coordinate our outfits between both families

This one is on us for not communicating “please come in this kind of outfit!”

One pair of parents showed up quite formally, with the father in a dress shirt and jacket and the mother in an elegant dress,

while the other set of parents appeared in casual outfits (the father in a casual polo shirt and the mother in nice but casual clothing with sneakers),

resulting in a noticeable difference in attire.

Since it was a family meeting, I naively assumed they would understand the appropriate level of formality given their backgrounds...! It's a mistake to make such assumptions.

(Especially when it’s the first marriage for siblings, parents may not know the etiquette well...)

I regretted not explicitly conveying, "Men can come without a jacket or tie, and women should wear formal dresses" to both families.

Also, I let my guard down.

The groom and I casually mentioned to each other, “If one parent comes in casual clothes, it’s fine because my parents won’t mind at all~~,” thinking we knew our parents well, but I now realize this was not a good approach 😂

When both families gathered on the day, there was definitely an awkward moment when everyone thought, “Uh... wait... I messed up the outfits...” So it was important to specify attire to avoid embarrassing our parents, regardless of their personalities.

For parents who might struggle with outfit choices, it might also be helpful to send them photos from family meetings that siblings or relatives have had, to give them a better idea.

② It was good to have individual self-introductions for the family introductions

Once seated, the typical order is for the groom’s father → mother → son → bride’s father → mother → daughter to introduce themselves with their names and professions.

This family introduction seems to usually be represented by the fathers or the couple, but...

We decided to use a self-introduction style where each person spoke for themselves.

By having everyone introduce themselves, you can gauge their tone and atmosphere, getting a sense of "They seem friendly" or "They seem reliable!" This created a flatter atmosphere for everyone to talk and led to easier conversations, which I thought was nice.

③ I gave the toast

According to what I researched beforehand, the toast at the family meet is typically done by one of the fathers or the groom...

However, I hadn’t asked any parents to do it, and since the groom lightly shared the purpose of the meeting and gave an opening speech,

I thought, “Then should I do the toast?” and, without sticking to any internet norms, I decided to

✅ Thank everyone for coming together

✅ Express my happiness about marrying him

✅ Share my determination to work hard

✅ Mention that I want everyone to relax and enjoy today

✅ Cheers!

It was a light-hearted message, but both he and I got to speak in front of our parents, which I think was a good opportunity for them to hear us.

④ The pamphlet turned out to be really flimsy

We made a pamphlet for the family meeting.

We designed it as a booklet with four A4 pages bound at the short end, totaling eight pages, and printed it at a convenience store, but regular paper is truly flimsy. (I know this is obvious...)

The photos and text also didn’t print exactly as they looked on screen and appeared a bit thin and faded.

I understood that this was part of the process, and since it was something to give to family, it was totally fine...

However, it turned out feeling so flimsy and cheap (which, in reality, it was inexpensive) that I personally didn’t even feel like taking photos of it.

The content was rich, though!

If I had wanted to focus more on appearance, it would’ve been better to ask a printing company to use better paper or thicker stock; indeed, the quality of the paper is essential.

It became a great learning experience as I prepare for the wedding paper items!

➡ Summary of information to include in the pamphlet

⑤ We had them fill out three copies of the marriage registration!

After the meal concluded and the table was cleared, we asked our fathers to fill in the witness section of the marriage registration.

I've previously been a witness for a friend's registration, and I recall having to rewrite it several times due to mistakes with the address and not stamping properly...

So, just in case, I brought three copies and asked them to fill out all of them while saying, "I’m sorry to ask so many..."

We didn’t fill out our own copies at that time, but this gave me peace of mind.

Also, I brought only one ink pad, but we ended up needing to stamp at the same time, so I thought it would have been better to prepare two.

By the way, while they were filling out the witness section, my fiancé went to handle the payment.

➡ Article on templates to create original marriage registrations

⑥ I should have prepared topics for when there was silence

At a family meeting, if the parents are talking to each other, the conversation flows smoothly, but there are moments when it suddenly becomes quiet, right?

Especially since we left it mostly to our parents...

I thought I should have prepared some cheerful and natural topics to start a conversation without dwelling in that awkward silence...!

In my case, the people I would want to talk to would likely be my fiancé's parents, so perhaps topics like:

✅ "He really enjoys playing shogi; do your parents like it, too?"

✅ "I think his name is really lovely; can you share the story behind it?"

Preparing topics related to him seems like a good idea, and that thought has stuck with me after the meeting.

The family meeting became a cherished memory!

While we struggled to coordinate outfits, felt a bit embarrassed by the flimsy pamphlet, and experienced moments of silence...

We were able to move through the day in a warm atmosphere, which made the reality of the wedding feel even more profound and turned into a family memory＊

What I’ve shared here isn't necessarily something everyone should do!

It’s simply my experiences and reflections—what I felt and what I might have done better...

I hope this can be a reference for others!