# [46 Personal Experiences] Things Received from In-laws That Were Unpleasant...🤯

2023.06.07 published

A Pre-Bride's Consultation has Arrived＊

This is a project where we share concerns received by marry on Instagram Stories, and gather responses from everyone.

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＜Concern Content＞

My mother-in-law sends various food items and miscellaneous goods to my home...

While I appreciate the thought, I honestly find it bothersome because I don’t want to keep things that aren't to my taste, and I prefer to choose what I eat myself.

It’s also painful that I have to say "thank you!" despite feeling this way.

It feels like my desired married life with my partner is being disrupted.

I doubt there will be a resolution, so I would like to hear your “unpleasant experiences from goods sent by in-laws” to clear my feelings.

By the way, the most troubling thing for me was receiving food that was past its expiration date… haha.

Here are the gathered responses＊

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【Response 1】

I often receive things that aren’t to my taste😂

I usually tolerate wearing them for a meeting once. After that, I dispose of them...🤫

I give the foods I don’t like to my husband😂

If I express my preferences in our regular conversations, they eventually stop sending them!

【Response 2】

Homemade food sent to me is really uncomfortable....!

They send things like tempura and fried food that they cooked, but it’s a mystery why they choose to send hot food after it’s been cooled down.

I really dislike having to microwave it before eating 😂

【Response 3】

My mother-in-law doesn’t send handmade items, but she sends canned goods.

I don’t want to eat canned food, so it’s quite a hassle...

I want to choose the ingredients I like, but every time I see my kitchen storage filled with cans of grilled chicken and mackerel that I don’t want, I can’t help but sigh.

【Response 4】

I think I am the only one with a mother-in-law who buys and sends wedding goods without asking! Haha

She sends things like "How about a ring pillow?" or "I found some cute earrings!" even though I never asked for them, so there’s no room left for me to choose. It makes me sad and I sometimes cry.

Furthermore, they are definitely not fashionable or trendy (laugh)

They look like things that could be sold in local souvenir shops.

I envy brides who receive Mikimoto pearls from their mother-in-law.

My husband’s reaction "Oh, you’re so lucky to receive them!" doesn’t help. It seems like he won’t sympathize or get angry with me, so I find it hard to say I don't like it, thinking of the wedding not being enjoyable at all.....

I want to pay her back someday haha

【Response 5】

I have a 0-year-old daughter, but my partner’s mother has gone into “grandchild high mode,” frequently buying lots of clothes from Nishimatsuya and Baby Hombu and bringing them to me.

I don’t want cheap items and they don’t match the designs or materials I want. If I were a parent, I would prefer to receive high-quality branded clothing from Familiar…

【Response 6】

I can really understand that feeling.

I also receive a medium-sized cardboard box once a month from my mother-in-law, which contains character face towels and handkerchiefs (like Studio Ghibli or Moomin)😂

They aren’t characters I like, and I dislike character items altogether, so I don’t even want them in my sight. I always wonder why she only sends towels😂

Since she has two sons, it seems she finds it fun to buy girls' items! I’m told I can give away anything I don’t use to someone else, so I’ve been passing them on to my kindergarten-aged niece😂

Thankfully, my niece is currently into Ghibli, so my sister is relieved to receive many towels for her kindergarten use! 😂

【Response 7】

Every year, I receive a handmade desk calendar featuring the cat they have at my partner’s family that was supposedly created on the computer by my mother-in-law.

Cats are cute, but the photos aren’t all that great (the background looks like a messy living room), and there are photos of my father-in-law and mother-in-law in it too, making it awkward to display. At first, it was in the entryway, but now it’s moved to my husband’s desk for telework.

【Response 8】

My mother-in-law is like that too. I believe my husband told her that I like chocolate because she sent a huge quantity of chocolate on my birthday.

The chocolates I like are from Pierre Marcolini or Del Rey, which I enjoy as a treat at around one a day. (Of course, my husband knows and buys them for me from time to time!)

However, it seems that my husband didn't communicate this well to his mom (or maybe he didn’t say anything?), so what I received was typical supermarket chocolates like Alfalet and Kit Kat. It felt like she prioritized quantity over quality!

I want to lose weight before the wedding, but I keep getting cheap chocolates that I don’t even like, and I don’t know what to do.

Yet, the other day, my husband told me, "You should send something for my mom's birthday soon. You received a lot of chocolates on your birthday, right?" I’m at a loss on how to respond to a return of cheap chocolates worth around 3000 yen.

【Response 9】

I received a small stuffed animal as a birthday gift from my grandmother-in-law. It had an indescribable, slightly cheap feel to it… I displayed it for a while, but it ended up boxed up during the move and hasn’t seen the light of day since. Haha

【Response 10】

I can only empathize!!

Receiving rotten vegetables and fruits—specifically sprouting potatoes, wilted radishes, and spoiled strawberries—was quite a problem.

It wasn’t from my in-laws, but I also received mugs and teacups from my husband’s friends that aren’t to my liking, resting deep in storage.

While I appreciate the intent behind the gifts, I think they often act on the belief that it's for the best, so I just silently dispose of them.

When I feel unwell, I serve the spoiled food from my in-laws only to my husband. Haha

【Response 11】

I often receive huge boxes filled with my husband's favorite foods, which gives off the impression of a mother-son bond that refuses to let go, and it bothers me a bit. Haha

【Response 12】

Expired food should be addressed by your husband... It’s important that he communicates it to his mother in a way that makes her feel he truly holds that belief!

【Response 13】

Processed food ← It’s seasoned, but I can’t honestly say it’s delicious (the taste is just too different).

A pressure cooker (something they never used).

Half-used toilet paper (the package was open).

The icing on the cake was when wedding photos with his ex-wife slipped in…

【Response 14】

When I mentioned I like Mapo tofu during a gathering with my in-laws, I got a call saying, “I’m at the Chinese district in Yokohama! I know you like Mapo tofu, right? I’ll send some!”, which left me puzzled about how they could even ship Mapo tofu...

I was shocked when I received a plastic packed chilled version from Seijo Ishii delivered via a refrigerated service.

【Response 15】

I’ve had similar experiences…

Expired food is just the norm…

They use the excuse of “I froze it!” 😂

They seem to think freezing makes things alright.

My mother-in-law’s cooking or pickles always have that freezer-burn taste and smell, which I find very unpleasant🥺

After having a child, I declared that I won’t eat any expired food due to nursing!

【Response 16】

My mother-in-law works at a convenience store and often brings leftover bentos or breads. I’m not particularly fussy, so I gratefully accept them, but I do wonder how she can frequently bring items right before their expiration date...

My husband tells her directly (in a firm way) that if I find it bothersome, he’ll say something, so I believe it’s best for your husband to communicate it clearly.

However, if your husband isn’t concerned, it might be best for you to voice your gratitude while gently explaining your concerns. I totally understand wanting to avoid conflict! But if you keep bottling things up, it may lead to a bigger explosion later, which can be counterproductive...

【Response 17】

Since we live close, I don’t receive deliveries, but when we eat at the in-laws’ house, sushi is frequently the dish served, and I’m often pressured to take home leftover sushi.

I don’t mind taking home other leftovers, but sushi loses flavor and I have to eat it the next day for dinner, plus the leftovers often include fish I don’t like, which can be a bit annoying.

I really wish they could stop insisting when I say I’m full or don’t want any more food. It’s like each of us has different capacities, so I wish they would be more considerate.

【Response 18】

Since we’re nearby, I don’t really get sent things, but my mother-in-law acts as if she’s part of an organic cult. It’s quite bothersome how she insists that if it’s not homemade, it’s bad!!!

【Response 19】

Just the other day, during a casual chat, I mentioned I used to read books by Higashino Keigo and Miyabe Miyuki, and now I constantly receive books to read!

The pressure to share my thoughts on these books during our next meeting feels like homework from my mother-in-law, which makes me a little gloomy.

【Response 20】

Since shortly after marriage, various items were brought into our new home, yet I couldn’t express that I didn’t want them and felt frustrated 😐💦

A few years later, when my child was born, my mother-in-law brought a worn-out child seat and insisted I attach it to my car. She even brought two! Haha

There were no manuals with them and they were quite worn out, so I was shocked to find out they were made 20 years ago...

This incident caused all my frustrations to explode, and I ended up arguing with my husband.

It was a needless argument, to be honest.

To avoid unnecessary fights like mine and for future relations, I think it’s better for brides, and their husbands, to think together.

【Response 21】

My mother-in-law, who enjoys crafts, sends various handmade dolls and fabric items.

Although her sewing skills are good, her taste is lacking, so the design and choice of fabric are just too tacky (I learned online that it’s called "Okan Art"). I don’t want them in my house, and it creates a tense atmosphere between my husband and me.

(I feel so irritated about it, but I can’t bring myself to tell my husband, "Why is your parent sending this garbage to us? Make her stop…")

This past Christmas, I received a handmade indigo-dyed stole. I don’t have a fashion style that suits indigo-dyed stoles, and it became apparent that my mother-in-law doesn’t consider the recipient’s feelings at all.

Considering her lack of imagination, I thought it might be okay to throw them away, but I’m worried about causing trouble if I do...

【Response 22】

I understand! I often receive various gifts from my in-laws.

They sent me a full outfit from an outdoor brand—jacket, T-shirt, and a hiking backpack—but I’m more of an indoor person and don’t even hike. 😔

The clothes they send are completely different from my style and interests, which is frankly quite troublesome 😥

I was surprised to see my father-in-law wearing a T-shirt that was exactly the same as one I received, and my mother-in-law was wearing a T-shirt that matched my husband's! They jokingly called it a couple set, but I couldn’t laugh at all. 😭

The gifts are from well-known brands and they cost a fair amount, so my husband told his mother not to send clothes since it’s hard to know sizes and tastes. That made her furious...

Since then, they've started sending food, but it’s mostly very spicy items. I receive super spicy curry, very spicy oil, and other spicy stuff from their travels.

By the way, we aren’t good with spicy food: though I’ve mentioned our dislike for it, the spiciness of the items doesn’t change. 🥵

It’s starting to feel like the gifts are almost a form of harassment. 😭

【Response 23】

Sorry for the sudden message.

Regarding the story, I can relate to your situation, so I wanted to share my experience.

I don’t have any unpleasant experiences with gifts since I don’t feel it’s okay to refuse, but receiving expired items is annoying...

In my case, I share my thoughts when we meet, like "This was delicious, I’d like to eat it again!"😊 or "I didn’t enjoy this as much"💦 and I tell them when they inquire about sending something next time (if I can’t say it myself, I have my partner communicate it).

After doing this a few times, they’ve started sending items I like more frequently, and those I dislike have stopped coming. I hope you can develop a good relationship!

【Response 24】

We currently live in my husband’s old apartment, so we haven’t replaced the refrigerator yet due to an impending move. My mother-in-law has known the fridge size since I moved in before I did!

However, during the year-end season, she sent a huge frozen salmon along with other frozen items that didn’t fit in the freezer.

Honestly, I don’t believe sarcasm would get through to her (and I’m okay if it does).

I first consulted with my husband on what to do with such a large salmon and then contacted her, saying that since such a big salmon won’t fit in our freezer, we appreciate it but will manage. We’ve gotten by by feeding it to my husband and sharing it with his colleagues.

【Response 25】

I received a large number of brand new towels simply because they weren’t being used, but they must have been in storage for so long, they acquired that distinct house or storage smell. I accepted them with a "thank you," but honestly, I dislike them. Haha

【Response 26】

My mother-in-law entered my home using the spare key even without asking and cleaned my house…

While my husband doesn’t mind, I feel it’s a bit intrusive to have my personal space invaded and rummaged through.

【Response 27】

I often receive things that aren’t to my taste😂

I usually tolerate wearing them for a meeting once. After that, I dispose of them...🤫

I give the foods I don’t like to my husband😂

If I express my preferences in our regular conversations, they eventually stop sending them!

【Response 28】

We built a new home on my in-laws' property. (My mother-in-law has a separate building on the property.)

My in-laws keep bringing in items they received years ago as gifts, like plates and bath towels that aren’t to my taste, insisting that they "are still usable, so don’t waste them."

The items aren’t in great condition, so it’s been a hassle to dispose of them...

【Response 29】

I’ll have my husband communicate about this! Maintaining that effort is key 💦

【Response 30】

Broken or chipped dishes 😂

Half-used cosmetic products…💦

I also receive vegetables from my great-grandmother’s garden, which we can’t finish and send the extras.

Many are spoiled, so I only use what I can and dispose of the rest…

【Response 31】

I received a lot of used, old dishes. Apparently, my husband's brother's wife turned them down, and my mother-in-law grumbled about it, so I couldn't refuse either...

【Response 32】

It’s not your mother-in-law’s fault, and no one is to blame; I think your husband should communicate things clearly!

The in-law issue isn’t something you can resolve alone; it’s important for your husband to step in.

【Response 33】

It’s not directly related to my in-laws, but I receive dirt-covered vegetables almost every week from relatives who farm as a hobby, and I’m struggling to consume them all.

【Response 34】

A huge bag of half-eaten and leftover Sata Andagi 😆

They always pass on items they themselves cannot finish or find unappetizing.

It feels incredibly rude, yet I can’t help but notice this as a norm among my in-laws.

【Response 35】

When my 2-month-old son was napping, my mother-in-law delivered kimchi telling me “This is something your husband likes.”

She knows I dislike spicy food.

I had previously requested that she notify me before visiting so I wouldn’t wake my son, but once again, she called and rang the intercom, which made me feel like it was harassment.

【Response 36】

This feels like it’s my story; it’s too relatable! 😂

【Response 37】

I received leftover random goods from the supermarket as gifts during a visit, which I truly found too unnecessary and ended up throwing away. Haha

【Response 38】

For a certain period, my mother-in-law, who was living with us, would do grocery shopping almost daily.

Especially, she would buy large quantities thinking the cheaper, the better, even though she knew what I regularly used, pressing her purchases on me, insisting, "This is delicious!"

I thought it was rude to impose personal tastes on others, as everyone has different preferences.

【Response 39】

Although they don't send them, my husband’s helmet and sister’s Hina dolls have been mentioned repeatedly for our child, and when I propose buying a new one, they insist we don't need it and that it’s a waste...

【Response 40】

I’ll throw them away! Haha! I won’t decorate with items I dislike either! Don’t you think they’ll realize if I keep rejecting them? Haha?

I express my gratitude without sincerity, thinking it’s work; if they keep sending items, should I ask why they don’t just come over instead? Sending a report that I received what they sent?

【Response 41】

My husband’s old uniform was sent to me with the remark, "This is still usable!" which confused me.

My mother-in-law sent me her oversized, moldy leather jacket. Despite its high cost, she insists on my wearing it. Of course, I discarded it immediately.

My mother-in-law wants to declutter her home and passes her junk onto us. Even when I say I don’t want it, she never gives up, which is really annoying. Trash bags aren’t free, you know...

【Response 42】

We have similar experiences!

Being health-conscious, I don’t consume retort foods, and I often feel bad for wasting them. So I’ve been saying to my mother-in-law, "I feel so guilty for wasting what you sent last time." After expressing that I’ve wasted retort foods, she seems to have started sending rice and vegetables instead. It’s great that she now sends only what’s usable! ❤️

【Response 43】

When my husband is not around, I quietly tuck things away into the bottom of the box or express my gratitude and decline the items.

【Response 44】

I live with my in-laws.

Although I don’t receive things directly, since my daughter was born a year ago, they frequently buy clothes for her.

There’s this strange notion that girls should only wear pink, as they send lots of pink or floral patterns, which honestly aren’t to my taste, nor do they suit my baby who looks more boyish. I’ve only dressed her in items that seem somewhat acceptable. 😂

It turns out about 90% of the received items are currently collecting dust in the drawers. I plan to wait for her to outgrow them and then bid them farewell.

Recently, I tried to convey my appreciation while mentioning that we’ve accumulated so many clothes. Now, they’ve started showering us with toys instead, so I’m gently emitting the vibe that we can't accommodate more items, but I’m not sure if that’s getting through. 😂

【Response 45】

A whole fish!

It’s tough since I can’t even butcher it…😭

【Response 46】

Ever since I got married, my mother-in-law gifted me a water purifier for structured water and a shower head. While it seems considerate, structured water makes such dubious claims about enhancing skin beauty, improving cooking, and preventing illness that I felt tempted to yell at them, “What nonsense!” I frequently receive such information on LINE. It feels a bit like a scam, but she doesn’t explicitly suggest I purchase one, so I can’t outright say I dislike it… My husband has told her not to send strange messages, but it seems my mother-in-law means well, so I suppose we have to endure these moments. Haha

Thank you for your responses!

The relationship between a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law can be complex, especially with the gift-giving dilemma.

It can bring significant stress...!

Your mother-in-law must love her son dearly.

I hope you can manage to avoid accumulating stress...!

Thanks to everyone who responded to the story! ♡