Isn’t it strange for middle and high school guests to attend a wedding in their school uniforms?

2023.08.25 published

Is it strange for children to come to a wedding in uniforms...?

A question and consultation from a follower of marry.

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A wedding is coming up soon.

I'm really not happy about my nephew and niece, who are elementary and middle school students, possibly attending in their school uniforms. Is there anyone who feels the same way?

It has zero glamour, and I feel like it puts them in a sense of obligation that makes things feel darker, which brings my mood down...

I would like them to wear something other than uniforms. Should I provide them with gifts in that case?

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Here are the responses we received.

Answer 1

If you feel that way, you shouldn’t invite them; if you want them to wear different clothes, you should give them a gift. 😂

Answer 2

I think giving them gifts is totally fine!

Many Japanese people are not good at surprises or parties.

Nowadays, you can get cute clothes cheaply through online shopping, and I think it would make the venue look more festive and beautiful.

Old-fashioned uniforms are a no-go! They lack originality and are too uncool!

Definitely, boys should wear cute tuxedos and girls should wear dresses!

Answer 3

I don’t think you need to go as far as giving gifts. It might be better to write on the invitation, “Since we want to create a festive atmosphere, please refrain from attending in uniforms,” or casually let their parents know.

Honestly, I don’t pay that much attention to kids' clothing… haha.

Answer 4

If you live nearby, you can go shopping together; if far away, you could communicate and buy gifts for them. ☺️

If it feels like too much trouble, you could give them about twice the market rate and ask them to buy something!

At that time, it’s best to specify whether to include shoes, socks, and how many pieces they should get (for the extra labor of them searching for clothes).

However, since a bride who dislikes uniforms likely has strong preferences, it might be best to communicate and go shopping together to make her feel secure!

Answer 5

I also had the experience of attending a relative's wedding once each in middle and high school, and I hated attending in my uniform. 😭

I couldn't tell my parents, so I ended up wearing it reluctantly...

It was black, so it felt dark, and I had a big bag...

Plus, the school rules were strict, so when I thought about making my makeup or hairstyle flashy and possibly running into a teacher on the train on the way back... I couldn't really dress up at all. I remember struggling with skin issues back then, and I ended up going bare-faced...

There were other guests my age dressed up in pretty dresses, and I envied them. 😭

It's a celebratory occasion, and the photos last a lifetime, so I still think I wanted to dress nicely.

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I've shared my experiences, but in the end, the feelings of the children are what matter, especially for girls!

Answer 6

I don’t feel that way. Although it’s not a wedding, I hated wearing my uniform for ceremonies and funerals back in school. I wanted to wear something different on my days off. Looking back now, I feel it was easier having a uniform since I couldn’t go wrong.

If they don’t wear a uniform, would a simple navy dress satisfy the asker? I think they might find that plain as well.

The dress code of the participants somewhat reflects their values and sense of celebration, so I dislike specifying attire.

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If you want them to wear something glamorous, I think it’s better to present it as a gift without stating the real reason, like “I want the kids to match the theme of my wedding.” It should be given to all their relatives. It’s essential not to have cases like "This child can wear cute uniforms, but that child cannot".

Answer 7

I provided the costume!

I had them as flower girls, so I gave them the rental fee for the kids' dress and the flower crowns!

They looked adorable! ♡

Answer 8

There might be families that want children to participate cutely while others see school uniforms as their formal wear. If you really want them to wear something more festive than their uniforms, how about gifting them outfits that fit the theme of your wedding? 👗

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Since it’s about everyone’s feelings, it might not be right to ask each family to prepare outfits, and I think it's not good for the bride to not enjoy her day, so I suggest making it pleasant for both sides. 😊

Answer 9

I had my wedding last year. 💍

A relative’s child (a third grader) participated in my ceremony, and she came wearing an outfit rented from a costume shop. It was a children's suit with a tie 👔, jacket, and knee-length pants! We didn’t discuss clothing at all. 💦

I was surprised to see this post, but is it common for schoolchildren to come to weddings in their uniforms...? 💦 I had no idea. 😣💦 At my friend’s wedding, there wasn’t a single child in a uniform.

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I thought students all wore uniforms to funerals. 💦

Answer 10

I grew up in Japan but am from Canada, so I sent everyone an invitation with illustrations incorporating Western dress codes.

I didn’t directly buy clothes for anyone, but

I included “Please come dressed up beautifully” in the invitations.

Since the word stylish is included, how about casually mentioning this to the parents of your nephew and niece?

Answer 11

I think wearing a uniform will remind them that they were students during that time, which is a valuable experience. 🥹 (I loved my uniform, which you could only wear then 🎶)

If you want them to wear something other than uniforms, how about asking their sizes and favorite colors, then presenting it as a gift? You can say something positive like, “I’d love it if you wear it! Can’t wait to see you!”.

Answer 12

Why not straightforwardly say, “Since it’s a special day, I'd love for you to wear a dress or suit!”? If the venue offers rentals, you might suggest that as well.

Depending on your relationship with your nephew and niece, some may find it easier to say. 🥺

Answer 13

As a parent, I hit the button saying I don’t feel that way 💦. A bride who nitpicks guests' outfits can leave a bad impression, don’t you think?

I feel it’s a bit overboard to specify outfits when you’re giving a gift; it’s fine if it’s a party for adults who have designated attire.

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If you genuinely dislike uniforms, you might suggest, “It’s common for children to attend weddings in uniforms, but since this isn’t school, feel free to wear something that motivates you! It seems you can rent attire at our venue.”

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But from the perspective of the parents who don’t feel that way, even that suggestion could feel like "Does this mean we shouldn’t wear uniforms... what should we do?" 😅

What matters are the feelings of the young kids.

Answer 14

Among my relative's student guests, some wore uniforms while others didn’t. The ones in uniforms still came with elegant hairstyles, so I didn't mind at all. Uniforms are a student’s best formal wear. I think there may be circumstances at home that make this unavoidable.

If someone doesn’t have options and wants something festive instead of their uniform, I think helping them prepare is essential. Many venues also offer rental services, so providing information about that could be helpful.

I don't think having the attendees wear uniforms is a problem.

↑ The 'preparing' part refers to the bride and groom as the hosts.

Answer 15

After I had my child, I attended a relative's wedding!

I completely understand the bride's feelings of wanting a more festive atmosphere, but as a mom, the expenses and considerations of buying clothes and shoes for kids who grow rapidly are tough… (since we have boys, I especially struggle with what to put them in. 💦)

If clothes were provided as a gift, it would be greatly appreciated, but I’d also feel a little guilty...

If finances aren’t too much of a burden, it might just help to specify easy color tones or designs as a dress code. 👗

Answer 16

I don’t mind if they come in uniforms.

Kids that age aren’t attending by choice.

Answer 17

I believe you should give gifts!

Answer 18

Hmm... I always thought uniforms were the best formal wear for students, so I’ve never worried about it for weddings or funerals. 💦

I don’t quite understand the sense of obligation, but even if it’s not glamorous, I think it looks nice when you keep it neat and simple without dressing it up or adding accessories.

If they are the niece and nephew of the bride and groom, then a prior conversation might be needed if they really don’t like it. I would suggest, “Since it’s special, I'd love for you to dress up in non-uniform attire,” and go shopping together to gift them the items.

Maybe everyone could decide on a dress code for the child guests to dress up? I think it would be cute to match it with the colors of the outfit for the color change option.

Answer 19

How about specifying a dress code in the invitation? 🥰

Answer 20

Speaking honestly as a parent, there's already a lot of preparation and exhaustion involved in attending a wedding. There are financial concerns involved here too.

It's challenging enough to get the kids there. If you ask them to wear something other than their uniforms, it can be very taxing to take school kids to places to buy formal clothing on their days off. If the parents work weekdays, it becomes even more challenging.

Additionally, children grow quickly, and it may only get worn once, so spending money on formal attire can feel strict.

So if you genuinely want them in something other than uniforms, I believe it would be best to provide not only outfits but also shoes, socks, and a complete coordinated gift.

Answer 21

I'd be happy to accept a gift, but as a parent, it seems wasteful to buy something they’re only going to wear once, considering how manageable uniforms can be.

Answer 22

As a former planner, I think it's good for guests to wear whatever they want, so instead of giving clothes, perhaps you could order flower corsages or bracelets for children up to middle school age from a florist?

It would add a festive touch, and the children might feel excited about receiving gifts.

When I gave flower wristbands to the reception staff, they enjoyed the togetherness and took lots of photos.

I hope you have a joyful wedding! ✨

Answer 23

I had my ceremony last year.

My cousin, who is still in middle school, wanted to attend my wedding, and I really didn’t mind if she wore a uniform.

The ceremony took place so quickly that I couldn’t even think about it.

If you really dislike the idea of attendees in uniforms, it's essential to bear the costs of dresses for your own wedding.

The relatives without uniforms don’t need to bear any financial burden if they already have uniforms to wear, so confirming with them could be helpful.

Answer 24

I personally don’t feel that way, but if it bothers you that much, I think you should present them gifts. 😳

Answer 25

I never imagined uniforms at a wedding.

I associated it more with funerals... (though it’s also strange to attend a funeral in a uniform...)

Answer 26

I understand your feelings, but uniforms are children's formal wear.

If you want something different, it does feel a bit selfish to expect this without giving a costume.

Even so, whether they choose to wear them depends on their willingness and the regular relationship… (If they are close friends, they should be able to mention the bride's wishes.)

If they are not close, they may feel it's more of an obligation, so it may be best just to appreciate the gesture of them celebrating with you.

Answer 27

I don’t quite understand the feeling that uniforms lack glamour… There aren’t many trendy outfits for elementary and junior high students, and the prices can be quite steep. I feel like cheap clothes can look tacky, even if you buy them at a place like Aeon.

It's already difficult to attend with kids; do we really want to burden them more with additional costs? So I DM'd for clarification.

I remember attending my relatives' weddings as a child, and I heard my mom say she struggled with what to dress me in. Even a cute dress I bought later ended up being thrown out since I didn't wear it again, so I want people to consider the burden on the attendees.

I believe gifts would be more of a burden. Receiving clothing designed for a single event feels like an obligation, and I personally find it difficult to accept.

Answer 28

It might simplify things not having to overthink what guests will wear, just focus on gratitude for their attendance! Uniforms are formal wear, and if you really want a glamorous wedding, you shouldn’t invite them!

Alternatively, if you’re willing to spend for it, how about preparing outfits for your guests yourself?

Answer 29

I don’t feel that way, but if you do, I think it would be nice to say, “Please wear this on the day and dress up!” and present it as a gift!

It might be a hassle to check sizes and such, but it would surely bring a festive touch!

If it’s simple enough, the parents of the children probably won’t feel uncomfortable either.

Answer 30

How about establishing a dress code?

Answer 31

Actually, I remember being cherished by all my relatives while wearing my uniform, which made me happy!

However, I suppose the level of glamor in uniforms could vary. 🥺

Answer 32

I believe uniforms are the formal wear for students. If you want alternatives, you might consider preparing affordable ceremony outfits from places like ZARA and sending them ahead.

Answer 33

As a parent, it feels overwhelming to purchase dresses or suits (which are dressy attire) during financially tight periods. Especially for adolescent boys, they might not want to wear something fancy,

While there’s that desire to dress up for the wedding, there will be variations in circumstances, which could make it hard to hear that someone dislikes uniforms.

But I completely understand wanting a specific vibe for your wedding, so if it really bothers you, giving gifts sounds like the best option. Please check the sizes too; it’ll be tough for either side if they don’t fit.

I wish both the asker and their nephew and niece, as well as their parents, a pleasant experience at the wedding! 🙏✨

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If you're going to gift, please keep in mind the chances they might just not wear those items. Kids during their rebellious years can be hard to deal with... 😂

Answer 34

What if you set a dress code stressing all ages?

Answer 35

If you're close, you might discreetly share the color of the gown or tuxedo for the change so they could coordinate. 🫶

Answer 36

While gifts sound good, it would be even nicer to inform the kids and their families to allow them some choice, like letting them rent attire and charge it back to you… how does that sound? 🥺

Answer 37

School uniforms are, technically, formal attire. They demonstrate respect, making them suitable for occasions like weddings. If they're really against it, I think giving an outfit set as described would help them feel at ease.

Answer 38

It might be ordinary, but how about establishing a dress code?

Merely specifying colored accessories might bring in a touch of glamor, and it seems more likely attendees wouldn’t choose their uniforms if they see clear guidelines. 🥰

Answer 39

I wanted my cousin to wear a kimono, so I arranged it! 😊 I think if you express your feelings and prepare something, it’ll be well received! ✌️

By the way, since they are from my father’s side of the family, I consulted my dad and had him relay the message!

Answer 40

Besides preparing the monetary gifts, dressing the kids can heavily impact finances.

I feel it’s important just to be grateful for their presence, irrespective of them appearing in uniforms.

Answer 41

Set a dress code.

If you want it to be a casual affair, you could suggest including some xx color! ✨

Answer 42

What about writing something like, “Looking forward to seeing you, XX! I can’t wait to see you dressed up beautifully!” in the invitation? Would that not convey the message clearly…??

Answer 43

Attending just makes it a bit challenging financially as there will be wedding costs. Furthermore, since they’re family, they should also contribute to the monetary gifts, so asking for them to get an outfit they’ll only wear once feels disheartening. 😂

Generally, elementary and middle school students’ uniforms are considered the best formal wear... If you take on the responsibilities of organizing attire like bridesmaids, then there's no problem at all, and you can even prepare floral decorations as accessories to add a festive touch!

Answer 44

Whoa 😳 I actually think uniforms are cute!

I’m grateful for everyone who comes to our wedding and don’t mind what they wear.

If you’re still concerned, I think gifting flower crowns for girls and floral bracelets or boutonnières for boys is a nice idea!

Answer 45

Since adult formal wear is suits and dresses, I think it’s conventional for students to wear uniforms for formal occasions, including weddings.

If this attire is problematic for the bride, then the only option would be to present outfits as gifts and request, “Please wear this to celebrate with us.”

I believe asking them to wear other clothes could burden family members financially, who are already expected to contribute to the monetary gifts.

Answer 46

Everyone is so focused on the bride and groom who are the main attractions that I don’t think you need to worry! If it really bothers you, then you should give gifts, but since weddings are expensive, it's best to minimize unnecessary expenses. 💦

I don't think other guests will remember if children were in uniforms or not. ><

Answer 47

I do believe gifting would ensure consistency.

Is a uniform really formal wear for weddings?

I personally believe that party attire should be a bit glam, but I never considered uniforms as proper wedding attire.

The fact that there are so many views supporting the idea of school uniforms as formal attire for weddings was surprising to me.

(While I found some sites stating this, others didn’t, but we shouldn’t just take things at face value based on a site’s stance)

By the way, only 23% agreed with the feeling of dislike regarding uniforms at a wedding, while the remaining 77% said, “I don’t feel that way...”

Please note that the survey results indicate that 77% of people do not feel negatively about children attending in uniforms!