My parents are divorced and have remarried. Everyone is treating me well, so I'd like to invite all my grandparents to the wedding. Do you think that's a good idea?

2023.09.14 published

Wedding Concerns Consultation👰🏻

We received this DM on marry's Instagram.

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Since everyone else is consulting, is it okay for me to ask...?

I am a bride-to-be who has just decided to have a wedding.

My parents divorced when I was a child. I lived with my mother after that, and she remarried three years later, so I have a stepfather now. He is a very nice person, and I get along well with my new grandparents, too.

However, I regularly met and spent time with my biological father, and I am also close with my grandparents on my biological father's side.

For my wedding, I want to invite:

- My mother and my mother's grandparents

- My stepfather and his grandparents

- My biological father and his grandparents

Is there a similar case out there...?

How do they handle this abroad??? Don’t you think this will increase in the future?

The topic of wanting to invite a parent you don't live with due to a divorce to your wedding comes up occasionally on the marry site, but I realize we haven't really addressed the aspect of inviting family members (especially grandparents) from both sides.

(But it's understandable that you want to invite them....!)

Most People Think It's Okay to Invite Them!

When I conducted a survey, I received the following responses!

Everyone responded, "It's not a problem at all, so just do what you want!"

I received opinions, experiences, and support, so I'd like to share them one by one.

Response 1

I don’t have any personal experiences, but if everyone is okay with it, then I think it’s fine!!

If any family member is going to feel uncomfortable, it might be better to discuss it, but I don’t think guests would say anything.

In fact, I think they would feel warm knowing that the family is important to you!

Response 2

My mother has been married four times, so I have my biological father plus three stepfathers.

Only my biological father's grandparents will be invited, but I plan to invite all four fathers to the wedding!

They all want to participate in the wedding, so I’m inviting them. Haha

*I’m still debating who to walk down the aisle with.

I’m planning to make it a ceremony that I want, regardless of what my surrounding participants (like my boss) think. I just wanted to share this in the hopes it might reach someone.

Response 3

I used to work at a wedding venue.

There were parents who didn't get along well. In those cases, some would arrange seating so they wouldn't see each other by placing them at different tables.

For those giving gifts at the end of the ceremony, many would walk from the head table to their seats to avoid meeting each other as much as possible.

It’s not obligatory to make greetings or give gifts in front of the guests. It's just a ceremony, so perhaps reminiscing while others enjoy their meals could also be nice!

Response 4

This is a different issue, but my parents are divorced, and my mother has been dating someone for nearly 20 years since I was in elementary school.

To me, he is like a father figure…

However, my husband’s family is against the idea of inviting him to the wedding, and I'm feeling very sad about that…

The wedding is still a ways off, but we are having some disagreements on that front... It may not relate directly to the original question, but I wish for your wedding to be wonderful.

Response 5

I’ve seen on Instagram brides who invite their biological father to walk down the aisle with them in pre-wedding photos!

Response 6

I haven't invited any grandparents, but I did invite three parents.

On my husband’s side, we invited his biological father, mother, and mother’s remarried partner.

As long as everyone understands, I think it’s fine, and there were no issues on our end.

Response 7

If your mother and stepfather both say it’s okay, then I think it's fine! 🙆

Response 8

This isn’t just someone else’s issue.

I have a similar family situation.

You could have a separate meal gathering with just your biological father and his grandparents and then show them pictures afterwards; everyone would be happy.

Response 9

I am a planner in Okinawa.

In Okinawa, the divorce rate is high, so situations like this happen frequently.

However, I've heard of cases where people want to invite someone but can't for various reasons.

It’s rare to have different families get along well like the person consulting does.

I believe it reflects well on the character of the person consulting. 😊 You should invite the people you want to invite; it’s your chance to show your wedding dress to those you care about.

Response 10

I think it’s not an issue to consider, which is why there isn’t much information out there. 😃

This is not an opinion or personal experience, but I believe the wedding should be exactly what the couple wants.

However, since all the involved are adults, I think it's important to discuss the situation with all three sets of parents in advance.

I hope everyone can understand each other. May your wedding be joyful!

Response 11

From the perspective I have now that I'm a mother, I think it might be better not to invite them... (or rather, I hope they don’t).

Depending on the relationship between the parents, it could be awkward for me, and I would feel sad if my stepfather felt uncomfortable.

The most important thing is how the consultant feels, but I might feel complicated if I were the mother... I think the reason for the divorce might also play a part, and I hope you could check in with the parents who raised you.

I pray that everyone has a happy wedding.

Response 12

I absolutely believe both sets of grandparents will be delighted, so I hope you invite them all ⭐

Response 13

If all three parties are okay with it, then I think it’s great!

Response 14

I work at a wedding venue.

Those whose parents are divorced sometimes don't invite one parent, but I’ve seen many who happily invite both parents.

Since it’s a once-in-a-lifetime occasion, I think it’s best to invite those you want to see it.

However, depending on the relationship between both parents and the grandparents, some arrangements may need to be made, such as separating the waiting areas or slightly altering the schedule.

It might be good to discuss this with the planner!

Alternatively, if the relationship with the other grandparents is strained, you could have your biological father, and his grandparents arrive at the venue earlier than the others for photo sessions… that’s an option too!

I hope you can make a choice without regrets…

Response 15

There are actually quite a few people who have been invited.

Response 16

A friend of mine invited all three parents and read letters to them at the wedding!

It seems like the biological parents didn’t expect to receive letters and were brought to tears 😭, and everyone ended up crying as well, making for a heartwarming reception ❤️

Since the reception was held in a different prefecture, the grandparents were not present 💦😣

Response 17

I am a current planner.

I have had clients in similar situations in the past!

It may not be "normal," but they looked very happy to have all their important parents there to witness their special day. 😌

If the other party is also understanding, I think they would appreciate being invited!!

The tables were round, but the current parents were seated at what is called the family table.

The biological or step-parents were placed at a different table.

Some guests may not be aware of the family circumstances, so we chose not to include titles for everyone in the seating chart!

Response 18

As a wedding planner, I would say whether or not to do this probably hinges a lot on the relationship between the mother and father, as well as between the father and stepfather.

How does the father feel about being invited while the stepfather is there? Would it hurt his feelings, or would he encourage it?

I believe the first discussions should be with your mother and stepfather.

They may be accepting or may prefer that you don’t invite them. In the latter case, you could create time for your father during pre- or post-wedding photo sessions. 😊

Response 19

I am a wedding planner!

I have worked with couples like you before. Multiple parents and relatives were present at the wedding, and in such cases, I recommend a banquet style with flowing tables to avoid seating issues.

There’s no need for a family introduction, or if you do have one, it’s completely normal for the biological parent not to participate. There’s nothing to worry about!

At one wedding I coordinated, the bride’s mother introduced at the family presentation, saying, "Although he is not here, my daughter's father (her ex-husband) will participate in the reception."

Response 20

Speaking about my mother (59 years old), her parents divorced when she was in elementary school and then remarried.

While she stayed on her father’s side, she also maintained a relationship with her biological mother, meeting her several times a year.

Both biological and stepmothers spoke with each other, and ultimately, her biological mother and maternal grandparents were not invited to the wedding.

To be precise, they were not so much uninvited as they themselves declined to attend.

Considering the reasons for the divorce, among other things, I think as long as everyone discusses it thoroughly and comes to a mutual understanding, there should be no problem inviting them.

By the way, I did not invite my mother’s separated grandparents to my wedding (our relationship is normal, and we see each other once a year).

Response 21

I used to be a planner, and I’ve had clients with similar situations, but if the three parents agree to this, then I believe you should invite them!

If your biological father and mother cannot stand each other and don’t want to be in the same space, then unfortunately the biological father and grandparents should be met at a different time, either before the ceremony or after the reception. You might want to consult the venue about this. 🥺

Response 22

It’s wonderful that you cherish all the members of your family!

I tend to worry too much about what others think, and if I were in your shoes, I think keeping titles unannounced could help ease things up while also giving back to those who helped you.

I maybe interfering though…!

May you have a wonderful wedding! 💐

Response 23

I was raised by my father, who later remarried.

When deciding to have my wedding, I wanted to invite my biological mother and her husband, but I was concerned about how other guests would perceive this complicated situation.

In the end, I consulted my parents and decided to invite them. I was unsure how to write titles on the seating chart. Since I had a new mother who remarried, I couldn't just refer to my biological mother as "the bride's mother."

But she was important to me, so I couldn’t just label her friend either. I discussed this with the planner, and we created titles like “the bride's important person” for my biological mother and her husband. 😊

I didn’t invite my grandparents, but I’m really glad that I could show my biological mother my wedding dress.

It may have been complicated for my current mother’s feelings.

【About Titles】

I was told by the planner that there can only be one "bride's mother!"

Even though she's my biological mother, she's no longer legally recognized as part of my family anymore 💦

I labeled both my biological mother and her husband as “the bride's important person.” 😊

It's a fact that they are important to me, even if I can't label her as my mother. 😊

By doing this, there wasn't any conflict with my father or others about titles!

Response 24

Clarifying the purpose of the wedding will lead you to your answer!

Response 25

I believe whatever others think doesn’t matter (unless the involved parents dislike it)!

If you feel a pure desire to invite them rather than a feeling of obligation, then you definitely should!

Response 26

To me, a wedding is a chance to express gratitude to those who have helped you.

I think you should invite those you want to invite! ☺️ I believe they would be delighted as well ♥️

I wish you a beautiful wedding! 🤍🕊🏳️💍

Response 27

It all depends on the relationship among the parents.

If those three and the grandparents still interact in some way and have no grievances, it seems fine.

However, it may be concerning during the reception if they feel awkward...

It depends on how well both fathers get along...

Perhaps it would work out if the biological father attended just the ceremony.

Watching foreign dramas, it seems normal to have dinner with an ex-husband and the current partner, but that is rather tough in Japan…

Response 28

How does your mother feel about this?

A friend of mine who divorced said she wanted to invite her daughter's biological father while also feeling that since she raised her, it would be selfish to let him come to the wedding.

It also depends on the level of relationship. Now that I’m a parent of a girl, if a similar situation were to happen, I might feel that I wouldn’t want to be there.

Response 29

At my wedding, my mother's parents were divorced and remarried, so I invited both sets of grandparents from my mother’s side (as I had a good relationship with both grandparents)!

At a friend’s wedding, they likewise invited three parents!!

There are various viewpoints, but it’s the bride and groom's wedding, so I think it’s best if they can have it in the way they feel satisfied. 🥺

Response 30

My brother invited his biological mother, biological father, and his mother's remarried partner and his family.

By the time I was getting married, my mother had gone through her second divorce, so I couldn’t invite my stepfather's family. 😓

I have always said that I would walk down the aisle with my biological father. If my mother hadn't divorced, I would have likely invited my stepfather’s family.

If you genuinely want to invite someone regardless of social norms, you should do it. Guests generally don’t mind as much.

I believe the guests are people who understand you, and those who might say something are not people you would need to invite.

I genuinely don’t understand why 20% voted to stop inviting them. If the parties involved are okay with it, there is no issue whatsoever.

Response 31

I think weddings also represent a chance to give back to family.

Regardless of the relationship, I believe you should invite the people you want to invite 🫶

The grandmothers might feel hesitant, so it could be good to have that discussion.

By the way, I’ve seen families like that at weddings I’ve attended 🌷. Since there was a family performance, I thought, “They are still getting along well ☺️."

I don't think the attendees will care much (or even notice) about such matters! Best wishes for a wedding without regrets! ✨✨

Response 32

This sounds just like the world of Mamma Mia! 👰🏻‍♀️

It’s hard to understand the line between wanting to invite someone and worrying about how relatives feel, so it might be good to check in with your relatives or the bride/groom’s side beforehand to avoid issues. 🙋‍♀️

You may find yourself pondering with whom to walk down the aisle (if you invite your biological father, for example, and need to choose whether to have your mother instead) or who to direct letters towards, who will stand for speeches, how to arrange seating, or how to introduce relatives.

Surprisingly, this seems to be normal!

When I first heard this story, I briefly thought, "If I were on the parental side, I would feel awkward...," but weddings are not solely for the parents, and unless there are serious issues like domestic violence that lead to divorce, what the parents think has nothing to do with the child's wishes... I reflected on my initial reaction.

Divorce is widely recognized as the second-most stressful life event, only behind the death of a spouse, so it's understandable if the parents find it uncomfortable to reunite at a celebratory event.

However, since children experience a tremendous amount of stress from parental divorce, it undoubtedly impacts their lives significantly.

I believe it’s the parents' responsibility to minimize that negative impact, and feeling a bit of stress at a wedding is something parents should accept.

Recently, globally, the idea of shared parental rights for children is becoming more accepted, and although this is slightly off-topic, "the right to know their origins" has also been discussed, indicating that the relationships that children desire with their parents should be guaranteed.

Since weddings are a time to celebrate the couple's union, individual conflicts should ideally be set aside.

The fact that many people gather together to celebrate the blessed start of important individuals is a very beautiful thing.

Ultimately, the child (the bride and groom) should not have to worry on their big day about the possible tension among their parents, and I would like to tell my kids (should it come to that), “You don’t need to worry about any of that!”