It was a hot topic on X. Is it a problem if you haven't bought an engagement ring but you're expected to split the cost of the wedding rings?

2024.07.16 published

I want to see some masculinity...

A post that was trending on X (though it seems to have been deleted now) said, “Since I declined the engagement ring and didn’t receive one, I want my husband to pay for the wedding ring entirely, not split it. I want to be cherished that much. I want to see that level of masculinity!”

✅ It sounds like she thinks being treated is a given, which is concerning

✅ Husband, run!

✅ It used to be normal for the engagement ring to cost three months' salary

✅ Everything is so expensive now that even if you spend three months' salary, you can’t buy a Harry Winston

There were various comments like these, but...

However, I do think rings are sparkly and cute. I understand the feeling of "I want one♡ It would feel special, and I’d feel happier with a gift. It would be nice to have more treasures♡."

It seems that more people are declining wedding rings these days (some choose engagement necklaces instead), but after a few years, I hear voices of regret saying, “I should have just accepted an engagement ring…”, and jewelry is indeed a special thing. A gift from a partner at an important moment is delightful, isn’t it?

That said, I have the impression that X is anonymous, with loud opinions from a minority (and people who do not think it’s wrong to attack others). I was curious about what actual brides-to-be and newlyweds think, so I conducted a survey through marry's story.

Results

🔽 About 1,200 people responded!

Among those who did not receive an engagement ring, 55% of women want their husbands to pay for both wedding rings entirely, just surpassing the halfway mark.

We received various additional messages, so I’ll introduce some of them.

Response 1

I think it’s sad that wanting the ring shows that one might be calculating the wedding as a cost-benefit analysis 😔

Response 2

I also didn’t receive an engagement ring, but ultimately, it’s the same family budget, so I didn’t mind 🙋🏻‍♀️

I just bought the wedding ring out of my own pocket 💸

Response 3

I was also interested in this discussion I saw on X.

Feeling that since I didn’t get an engagement ring, I want at least a wedding ring feels a bit selfish when voiced, but I understand!

It’s like the debate over who pays for what—wanting to be treated like a princess.

I wondered if women like that might struggle if they marry men who don’t satisfy that desire...

I assume they decided to get married because there were no issues when they were dating, believing it's all okay...

But if there's dissatisfaction starting from ring selection, I wonder if they’ll be okay in the long run. Things like choosing between pain-free versus normal delivery, private rooms versus shared ones, postpartum care, suburban versus urban living, daycare versus kindergarten, whether to be a stay-at-home mom, and so on...

Response 4

If I were in that situation, I would feel very sad.

I thought, a man who can’t satisfy his partner is really lacking in responsibility!

I find it unbelievable to think that he would refuse after she thoughtfully conveyed what she wanted.

Response 5

I think the decline of national strength and poverty among the younger generation has led to fewer men who can buy rings. It's ridiculous to say that women who can't receive rings are greedy!

It’s odd to live in a society where we've seen so many wonderful proposals on TV and in magazines but can’t even have that dream fulfilled in our own lives.

Response 6

I was in the no engagement ring camp and had conveyed this to my partner beforehand. I didn’t receive one, but I wanted to spend that money on wedding rings, the wedding ceremony, and honeymoon, so I had no complaints.

We purchased wedding rings together and split the cost 💍 Mine was a bit more expensive because it had a diamond, but my partner said he wanted me to get what I liked, so I gratefully chose that ring😌

We plan to have a wedding, and since women tend to spend more on dress and beauty expenses compared to men, I feel good that the wedding rings were split😊

Response 7

I don’t know about the debate over not receiving an engagement ring, so I’ll answer based on my case.

I personally didn’t want an engagement ring, so we both contributed to the wedding rings. If my husband were to buy the wedding ring, I would have to give him a return gift, and since I didn’t want anything expensive in return, we split the wedding ring costs.

With the wedding costing millions, moving, and furniture costs during a time when our sense of money is off, I really didn’t care whether one of us paid for the wedding ring or not. I was a bit surprised to discover that it’s a topic of concern among friends.

(We did discuss how to split the wedding cost among friends...!)

Response 8

At the time of our wedding, I was a nurse and thought I would have to remove rings because they would get dirty, so I didn’t get an engagement ring. (By the way, I didn’t have a habit of wearing rings as accessories.)

So, we split the cost of the wedding rings, but as a gesture of giving, I paid for my husband's ring, and he paid for mine 💍 I had no particular complaints.

It might have been a bit more expensive for the woman's ring due to the number of diamonds 🤭

Response 9

I’m in the camp of thinking I don’t really need an engagement or wedding ring. I feel it’s fine to buy what I want, within my means, when the time comes.

If I buy one and don’t wear it because of my work environment, it would just end up collecting dust...

Response 10

My job doesn’t allow me to wear rings, so I told my partner that I don’t need an engagement ring ❤︎ We each bought and exchanged wedding rings!

Since I take off my ring during work, I bought a platinum ring in a design I like, without worrying about the brand, to keep the cost shock down if I lose it♡

Plus, as a final gift before leaving single life, I made a slightly more expensive purchase for myself❤︎

I never felt sad about not receiving an engagement ring 😵‍💫💦 I wonder if it’s no longer a time when men are supposed to do everything😭😭

I told him that if he wants to buy an engagement ring that I wouldn’t wear much, just buy something nice for himself while he's single!🥹

Response 11

I rarely have a chance to wear an engagement ring, and I wanted to choose the wedding ring together. So both our wedding rings came from our joint funds, and instead of an engagement ring, I had him cover about 200,000 yen for our pre-wedding shoot 💓💓

If he hadn’t covered the shoot costs, I would have probably felt dissatisfied...! (laughs)

Response 12

If I don’t receive one, then I absolutely want him to buy one! I want it to be as expensive as possible!

Response 13

I didn’t receive an engagement ring. My husband didn’t have much knowledge about engagement rings and proposed with matching rings (this was his idea of an engagement ring). We saved together to purchase our wedding rings.

I feel there are various opinions, but of course, I would be very happy if a man presented me with an engagement ring! Still, I think it wouldn’t just end there.

I think I’d want to give something back as a thank-you for the engagement ring, even if not equivalent in value, like a gift or a trip.

Response 14

We received both the engagement and wedding rings from my husband (I have returned gifts!). If we had no engagement ring and husband covered both wedding rings, I would probably think of giving something back (like a watch?).

If it ended with just splitting the wedding rings without an engagement ring, I would feel sad 🥲

Response 15

I got the engagement ring purchased with my husband's money, but since it was on an installment plan, after getting married and combining our finances, it essentially became a joint effort🤣

Response 16

Since marriage is a partnership, I think we should buy the rings together. I said I don’t need an engagement ring! Saving money for our shared life is more important✨

Response 17

I had always dreamed of receiving an engagement ring with a proposal, but I ended up saying, “Let’s get married!” So, I don’t have an engagement ring! Due to work, I can't wear rings regularly, so it turned out I didn’t need one! 😂

Plus, I learned that receiving an engagement ring means you’re expected to give something back, so I thought even less of needing one! I plan to use that money for the wedding we’re currently preparing for. 😂

We went together to choose the wedding rings, and although my husband offered to pay, we both contributed a bit more because it’s a memory for us two. We decided to choose one with a diamond, based on my husband’s suggestion, with a diamond design.

My husband even finished my part with a matte finish, and we both really love it🥰 We weren’t particularly interested in big brands, but we’re glad we chose a well-known one after all♫

Those were the opinions!

I was happy to see many opinions that felt more real than those on X...!

(After all, the accounts following marry seem more peaceful and kinder than anonymous SNS...! I felt glad about this!)

I think that in married life, there will be various differences in opinions, preferences, and perceptions between couples. Still, I hope we can consult, compromise, and maintain a balance while living our daily lives. (Apologies for the neutral summary.....)