Curious! Who Pays, How Much, and How? Manners for Settling the Bill at the "Meeting of Both Families" Dinner

2016.07.08 published

Recently, casual "family meet-up dining parties" have become popular ♡

The family meet-up dining party is an opportunity for both families to not only greet each other but also to formally meet and deepen their relationships, either before or as a substitute for the engagement ceremony. ♩ In the past, it was common to wear a furisode and hold an engagement ceremony, but recently, more couples are opting for a more casual "family meet-up dining party" ♡

@yuih_wd

The "family meet-up dining party" is a chance to get to know each other better, so it’s important to create a friendly atmosphere and choose a venue and proceed in a way that both families can agree on. ♩

[Money Issues] Who will cover the costs?

When holding a dining party, the cost is always a concern. The family meet-up dining party is appealing as it can be kept more reasonable compared to an engagement ceremony, but who should pay for it?

The parents? The groom? Splitting the bill? Many people might not be sure about the proper etiquette regarding who pays how much.

Let's check the payment etiquette for the "family meet-up dining party" ♩

\Who Pays? Answer/Pattern ① The Bride and Groom

Since the dining party is often organized by the bride and groom inviting their parents, it is common for the couple to cover the costs themselves. ♩ They can either split the bill equally, or calculate it based on their family sizes.

If the couple is taking care of the payment, they should inform both sets of parents and the restaurant staff in advance that "we will pay for the meal." ♩ Communicating this beforehand will help ensure a smooth payment process. ♡

@yuih_wd

\Who Pays? Answer/Pattern ② Shared Costs Between Families

Sharing the costs between both families is also common. * If the number of attendees from both families differs, the total cost may be divided by the number of attendees, with each family paying according to their number of participants. ♩

@richa_s.r_wedding

What's Important is Deciding in Advance!

Since there are several options for who pays, whether it’s the bride and groom or splitting the bill, it’s very important to decide clearly in advance! First, have a discussion with your parents to align both families' views. ♕

The most undesirable situation is to have ambiguity on the day, leading to awkwardness or disputes. *

If you think you can leave it up to the moment on the day, it might end up taking longer than expected and create an uncomfortable situation ><

It’s best to decide in advance how to split the costs: for example, the children can cover the meal, while accommodation and transportation fees are shared. ♡ Also, at the end of the meal, once all orders have been placed, it’s smoother to excuse yourselves to handle the bill. ♩

@0k0423

There are several costs to consider for the "family meet-up dining party." Make sure to check in advance where the budget will be spent. ♩

Cost Point ① Food and Drink Expenses

First and foremost, the cost of the dining party (food expenses, service charges, private room fees, etc.) is obvious. ♩ If the meet-up takes place at a restaurant, ryokan, hotel, or wedding venue, there will be food costs involved. *

The cost may vary based on the venue chosen, but typically the price ranges from ¥7,000 to ¥10,000 per person at restaurants or ryokans. ♩ The basic attendance will be the couple and four parents, totaling six people, making the total food expense around ¥60,000. ♩

Keep in mind that some restaurants may not accept credit cards, so it's wise to have cash on hand or confirm in advance. ♩ (Including confirming the available balance on the card.....!)

@ch0c0_bride

Cost Point ② Engagement Gifts

If exchanging "engagement gifts," there will be associated purchase costs. ♩ An engagement gift is a token exchanged as a proof of engagement. * The most popular gift from the man to the woman is a ring (engagement ring). ♡

On the other hand, gifts given from the woman to the man often include items like watches, suits, wallets, or more personal items related to hobbies. *

@nagisa_marry

The market price for engagement gifts is usually around ¥300,000 to ¥400,000 for the ring given from the man to the woman, while from the woman to the man, it typically amounts to about half the price of the engagement ring. ♩ However, it's not something that must be exchanged, so whether to do so should be discussed between the couple and their families. *

Cost Point ③ Transportation and Accommodation Fees

Should any of the parents or the couple be traveling from afar, there will be transportation and accommodation fees involved. ♩ Many people live apart from their parents, so it’s important to consider these costs as well. *

For instance, if the meet-up takes place in the woman’s hometown, it’s common for the woman’s side to cover the meal expenses while the man’s side would handle transportation and accommodation fees to maintain a balance in the burden for both families. *

@yuih_wd

Let's Decide on the Roles for Payment in Advance for the "Family Meet-Up Dining Party" ♩

Since this is a special opportunity for both families to meet for the first time, let’s resolve the potentially awkward payment issues smoothly!

Make sure to be clear on the payment etiquette and create a lovely, harmonious "family meet-up dining party." ♩

@yuih_wd