[What to Prepare Once Engagement is Decided? A Basic Guide to "Simplified Engagement Ceremony" including Engagement Money and Return Gifts]

2019.10.17 published

What to Do When Your Marriage is Decided and You Have to Hold a Yui Ceremony?

Once the marriage is decided, you talk with both sets of parents and plan to hold a Yui ceremony. But you're probably wondering what to prepare for the Yui ceremony…

The Yui ceremony is a celebration of the two families becoming relatives and "binding" together by giving gifts or "納める" (noru). Therefore, the customs of both families and regional traditions are very important for the Yui ceremony!

Recently, Many Couples Do Not Hold a Yui Ceremony!

The Yui ceremony can be influenced by the customs and traditions of both families, but recently, it seems that there are more couples who choose "not to hold a Yui ceremony." The Yui ceremony can be a cumbersome and costly ritual as couples prepare for marriage. With the increase in nuclear families, the idea has shifted more towards "building a new family together" rather than "the binding of two families," leading many couples to skip the formal Yui ceremony.

In cases where there is no Yui ceremony, it has become common to hold a "family meeting dinner." This is aimed at deepening the bond between both families as they gather to eat and talk in preparation for the marriage♩

The Mainstream Recently is "Simplified Yui Ceremony"*

While many couples are choosing not to hold a Yui ceremony, there are of course couples who do hold one to "set things straight"! There are two types of Yui ceremonies: "formal Yui" and "simplified Yui."

A formal Yui ceremony involves having a go-between (nakōdo) who visits both families to exchange Yui gifts. In contrast, a simplified Yui involves the man visiting the woman's home or exchanging Yui gifts at a restaurant or ryōtei without hiring a go-between. In a simplified Yui, it may also be the case that some items or proceedings are simplified.*

The simplified Yui ceremony is popular because it does not require a go-between and eliminates the need to go back and forth between the families. The formal Yui is greatly influenced by the customs and practices of both families, so here we will introduce the basic aspects of the simplified Yui ceremony♩

@tabaimi0313

What to Prepare for a Simplified Yui Ceremony?

Items that should be prepared for the Yui ceremony include "Yui gifts/Yui money," "engagement commemorative items," and "documents such as a list of items." Let’s look at these items concerning the Yui ceremony by category◎

➡ You can purchase Simplified Yui Sets on Rakuten＊

Items to Prepare for the Simplified Yui Ceremony ① Yui Gifts

Yui gifts refer to auspicious items prepared for the Yui ceremony.* In the simplified Yui ceremony, there may be times when these are not prepared, but the three main items seen are "noshi," "suehiro," and "Yui money." Even in a simplified ceremony, it is recommended to have these three items as they make the ceremony appear more splendid◎

The items for Yui gifts vary greatly by region, with the Kanto style typically consisting of nine items. Financially, around 300,000 yen seems to be a standard amount.*

In the Kyushu style, luxurious Yui gifts are more common, with some items costing over 300,000 yen! It seems that many people in the Kansai region prepare extravagant Yui gifts too.*

Since Yui gifts vary by region, it is difficult to say definitively, "This is the best!" It’s essential to confirm with both families◎ Yui gifts can also be conveniently purchased online, making it important to choose items that suit you as a couple.*

How Much is the Yui Money?

The Yui money given from the man's side to the woman's side is labeled as "kosode-ryō" or "obare-ryō." In the past, items like kimonos were given during the Yui ceremony, but nowadays cash is given, which is why such terms are used.* The typical amount seems to be around 1 million yen.

The return from the woman’s side to the man’s side, referred to as "Yui return," is called "ohakama-ryō." The amount is typically half of the Yui money. Since many prepare 1 million yen for the Yui money, it seems that many give back approximately 500,000 yen. Some couples may choose to give half of the Yui money upfront and not return any Yui money.*

The amount of Yui money can vary significantly between families, so whether the parents prepare it or the couple does should be discussed well between both families◎

Items to Prepare for the Simplified Yui Ceremony ② Engagement Commemorative Items

Engagement commemorative items generally include the engagement ring and a watch as a return gift.* It is a must to prepare a display stand for the engagement ring as one of the Yui gifts as well♡ The Yui gifts include a three-piece set from the man to the woman (noshi, suehiro, Yui money) and a display stand for the engagement ring.

This set of Yui gifts is from the woman to the man, including a three-piece set (noshi, suehiro, Yui return) and a display stand for the watch.

Engagement commemorative items may also include other items like suits or business accessories. In such cases, preparing a list is recommended◎

Items to Prepare for the Simplified Yui Ceremony ③ Documents such as a List of Items

There are four types of documents used in the Yui ceremony: "list of items," "receipt," "family document," and "relative document."

A list of items specifies the gifts being given.

A receipt serves as proof of receipt (the list of items and receipt pair together).

A family document lists the families up to the second kin related to the principal.

A relative document lists the relatives up to the third kin related to the principal.

While the list of items and receipt are necessary, the family and relative documents can sometimes be omitted in a simplified Yui ceremony. However, these documents can be convenient in case something happens, so it is recommended to prepare them just in case ◎

➡ You can purchase Simplified Yui Sets on Rakuten＊

Hold a Yui Ceremony to Deepen the Tie Between Both Families*

The Yui ceremony binds both families together. No matter how it is done, when you have decided to "hold a Yui ceremony," it's essential to prepare thoroughly. Let’s take a formal step into your engagement with your beloved partner and move towards a wonderful future together＊

➡ You can purchase Simplified Yui Sets on Rakuten＊

@tabaimi0313