"30 Years Old: Common Wedding Troubles from My Own Experience and Friends"

Weddings are a mirror that reflects the couple's personalities!

I often think that weddings truly bring out the individuality of the couple. This is especially true when the couple is determined to have a wedding that reflects their own style, but even in cases where that’s not the focus, you can feel their essence in many small details, which always leaves me deeply moved at weddings.

I am 30 years old, and most of my friends are married. I have been to many "friends' weddings" throughout my life and we've often shared stories like, "I went to XX's wedding!"

Most of the stories tend to be, "It was so wonderful!" but occasionally I hear surprising and shocking tales, like "Something happened that was really unexpected!"

A once-in-a-lifetime milestone. It's most important for both guests and the couple to show consideration for one another!

A wedding is a significant day for the couple, marking the beginning of their new life together. It's an exceptionally joyous occasion. Therefore, how they coordinate such a "special day" is a point of attention for the guests.

Guests perceive the day's events—what kind of reception it will be, how the performances will go, what kind of after-party there will be—as a reflection of the couple, while the couple observes how their guests welcome this special day.

Whether the guests celebrate warmly and with kind thoughts, or (though we certainly hope this won't happen) seem to be participating reluctantly can greatly affect the atmosphere.

In other words, both the hosts and the guests should care for one another and approach the celebration with a spirit of congratulation, as it is a special day for everyone!

Five events to avoid, whether you're the couple or a guest*

Because it's such an important time, everyone wants to leave a good impression that reflects their true selves, whether they are the hosts or the guests.

The thought of leaving a bad impression can be terrifying, as breaches of etiquette during weddings or funerals can linger in people's hearts, sometimes becoming unforgettable negative memories.

In this article, I'll share some wedding troubles that I have experienced or have heard about from friends that left me astonished.

① Attending the reception but not bringing a gift

At weddings, of course, guests are expected to bring gifts.

This is not only to cover the cost of the meal and return gifts at the reception, but more importantly, a monetary expression of "Congratulations on your marriage."

I've heard a story from an acquaintance where only one guest out of many who attended the wedding did not bring a gift at all...!

It wasn't merely forgotten; they reportedly "consciously chose not to prepare one."

Apparently, a seat was reserved for that guest at the reception, so they enjoyed the meal like everyone else and took home the return gifts. While the couple incurred costs to host that guest, the monetary aspect isn't the only issue at hand!

If I were the bride, I would surely be very sad wondering, "Do they not feel 'Congratulations'?" If someone cannot afford to give a gift due to financial issues, it’s a must to discuss it in advance when invited.

Not bringing a gift might become an unforgettable event for the bride. This could also strain future friendships, so we must be mindful to avoid any faux pas during celebrations.

② Receiving sexual prizes in games

This is also a common story.

I've heard about instances where a game at an after-party turned out to have sexual-themed prizes…

For example, items like adult toys or contraceptives, and so on.

In after-party games, when a prize is won, it’s often expected to react excitedly by saying "Yay!" However, most people would freeze or struggle to respond appropriately when suddenly faced with such items.

Whether to be shy or to make it lively can be confusing, and there are likely many who are uncomfortable with such risqué topics.

While comedians might handle these situations smoothly in a playful manner, the guests at a wedding are not comedians, and naturally, a wedding is not a comedy show....!

Rather, it’s a pure setting where innocence and purity are valued, so the couple should think carefully about the appropriateness of such entertainment.

(Of course, it may be okay if the target audience has a sense of humor about it.)

③ Passing the bouquet to single guests

This is an action that could potentially be quite uncomfortable for the receiver given diverse feelings, so I feel it might be better to avoid it.

Passing the bouquet with a heartfelt message from a close friend, saying, "You're the next bride, I hope you're happy," can be very touching and create memorable experiences among women, and I've often heard stories like, "I was so happy!!" However, there are also stories of embarrassment.

For a single friend without a boyfriend, they might feel the societal pressure of "Why am I still not married in my thirties?" and it can be painful to have their single status highlighted in front of everyone.

Though this unfair societal pressure is the problem, we want to avoid creating hurt feelings during such a celebratory occasion.

Passing the bouquet to a female guest who has a boyfriend but not yet engaged might create pressure for both her and her partner.

Perspectives vary widely; some people do not consider being married to be important, so a message of "I hope you find happiness" might be interpreted as "Doesn't she believe my partner makes me happy?"

In the worst-case scenario, if someone says, "I felt humiliated! I don’t want to deal with a bride caught up in wedding excitement!" that would be very sad, so it’s essential to gauge the feelings of the individuals involved.

④ Constantly saying "Just look forward to it!"

It’s wonderful for the bride to have a deep commitment to and attachment to her own wedding, but here’s an example of a negative effect of imposing that same expectation on everyone else. I’ve heard about a bride who didn’t tell anyone where the wedding venue was.

The venue where she was having her wedding was a dream location for everyone, but the bride wanted to keep it a surprise for her guests and did not share the details until just before the wedding day.

For the guests, the question became, "What time should we leave the house? When should we book the hair salon?" This uncertainty caused them distress.

Additionally, when posting wedding information on a personal account on social media while instructing guests to "Please do not follow," it can give off a sense of obsessiveness about their wedding, which may not seem ideal.

If privacy is a concern, it might be better to create a separate account where no one they know is following.

If there are still worries, making it a private account could be a good idea.

Guests are, of course, excited about the wedding, primarily because, "I want to see happy XX!"

The couple’s smiles are the number one request from the guests, rather than the rank of the venue or the decorations and performances. Please create an environment where everyone can comfortably celebrate the couple!*

⑤ Wrinkled monetary gifts

This is something guests should be mindful of.

It is said that it is polite to provide new bills in the gift envelope.

However, when asking brides, they often report seeing somewhat crumpled or folded bills in the envelopes, and while those guests weren't extremely angry, they seemed a bit saddened.

"Does no one know about etiquette...?" they might wonder.

Etiquette is paramount during ceremonial occasions! While it may be unclear how much importance the hosts place on etiquette, it is important to act with the utmost consideration.

Learning from what you didn’t know and gaining correct knowledge and experiences is a delightful part of becoming a wonderful adult. ♡

Summary of things to keep in mind for both guests and the couple for a happy wedding celebration*

The couple may host the wedding, but the memories created on the day belong to everyone involved.

Guests should warmly, and appropriately, celebrate the couple's new journey together. ♡

The couple should express gratitude to their guests who have come despite their busy lives and convey a joyful aura of "We will be happy from now on! ♡"

All problems arise from a lack of "consideration and thoughtfulness" for those around us.

I aspire to be a wonderful person who can always empathize and act from the perspective of others. ♡