Even Among Close Friends, Courtesy Matters! Essential Tips and Considerations for Requesting a "Performance" from Friends or Acquaintances

2019.10.02 published

What to Do About Performances at Wedding Receptions?

Hello, I'm Keiko from the Marry editorial team!

Out of the blue, I'd like to ask all the brides-to-be: Will you incorporate performances into your wedding reception?

Fun, entertaining, and sometimes touching performances can really elevate the atmosphere of a reception. Many brides who have never been asked to perform by friends might still want to request someone to perform at their own wedding reception.

However, asking someone to perform can be quite challenging. Especially after entering the workforce, people live in different places and have different working styles, which can create feelings of hesitation.

I have been asked to perform a few times, and I have experienced both the "it was really easy" and "that was tough" scenarios.

This time, I thought about what the differences were, and I've summarized the points of caution and care for the "requesting side" that became clear to me. I hope this helps brides who are looking to ask acquaintances or friends to perform!

@nagisa_marry

Points to Note When Asking for a Performance #1: Ask as Early as Possible

It’s recommended to contact the performers as soon as you decide on having a performance. As someone being asked, the sooner they know, the better. Make sure to reach out at least two months in advance!

You can use the invitation's sticky note as a final reminder for the performance request. Just like with greetings from guests and the reception, make sure to inquire with everyone beforehand!

@nagisa_marry

Points to Note When Asking for a Performance #2: Designate a Leader

If you’re asking a group to perform, it’s best to designate one or two representatives and ask them personally.

The larger the group, the more likely it is that everyone will think "someone else will do it," leading to a lack of initiative. Ultimately, it ends up being one responsible person who takes on the role, which can put a significant burden on them.

It's never a pleasant feeling for someone to carry a large burden without even being nominated as a leader. By personally asking someone as a "leader," they will feel a sense of responsibility and motivation, thinking, "I was asked by [Name]!" Of course, make sure to express your gratitude to the person who coordinated everything after the wedding!

@nagisa_marry

Points to Note When Asking for a Performance #3: Communicate Your Vision

While there are various types of performances like message movies, dances, songs, and comedy, those performing generally want to please the newlyweds as much as possible. If you have specific wishes like "I would love a movie" or "I want something that everyone can laugh at," make sure to communicate those clearly.

Additionally, it's helpful to convey things you want to avoid, such as "no adult themes" or "the groom's guests will be performing [specific performance], so please don't overlap with that." This makes it easier for the performers to decide what to do and reduces their burdens.

A crucial point to note here is not to make requests that would place an excessive burden on the performers. For instance, asking for a "dance" when many members live far away or requesting a "movie" when no one has access to a computer.

I've even heard terrifying stories about people being completely cut off due to unreasonable requests for performances. Guests take time out of their busy schedules to prepare performances. While it's great to want to liven up the reception, be considerate of their capacity.

@nagisa_marry

Points to Note When Asking for a Performance #4: Share Information About the Venue’s Facilities

Most of the guests performing will visit the reception venue for the first time on the wedding day. Therefore, if you don't provide clear information about the venue's facilities, it can lead to irreparable issues.

For example, there might be discrepancies between the size of the movie and the aspect ratio of the venue's projector, or there may not be a place to hide before their entrance. While unexpected troubles can happen, we definitely want to avoid issues arising from missed communication.

Here's a list of points I'd like to convey to the guests performing. Please take note!

◆◆ For Movies ◆◆

Aspect ratio of the projector

Recommended text size (depending on the venue's size, if the text is too small, it may not be readable)

Whether the BGM can be edited (note that some venues only allow original CDs for BGM)

◆◆ For Venue Use (like Dance) ◆◆

Availability of a dressing room/change space

Route from the banquet entrance to the performance area

Size and location of the performance area

Position of the newlyweds during the performance

Points to Note When Asking for a Performance #5: Let Them Know If You Can Cover Costs

Preparing for a performance can involve various costs, such as transportation fees for members coming from afar, venue usage fees for practice, and costumes for the actual performance. If you can cover some of the costs, it’s kind to mention from the start, "I can cover up to [amount]".

Of course, there are times when all costs fall on the guests, but in that case, be sure to prepare a thank-you gift for each individual.

Points to Note When Asking for a Performance #6: Share the Planner’s Contact Information

If there are any performances that the newlyweds want to keep secret or if venue cooperation is needed, the guests performing may need to contact the planner directly.

So, once you have decided on the performers, sharing the venue name, contact details, and the planner's name and contact information from the beginning will make things smooth.

If they have any questions, they can directly reach out to the planner without needing to go through you, thus reducing the bride's burden.

May both those asking and those being asked be filled with happiness on their wedding day.

I've introduced how to ask for performances and what to keep in mind while doing so. Wedding preparations can be busy and challenging, but don't forget to be considerate of the guests who are doing their best for you!

Aim to create an atmosphere where the guests who perform feel, "I'm glad I did it! It was fun!" and let’s all spend a happy day at the wedding together!