"Pre-Wedding Nerves: The Speech Troubles That Arise from Our Shared Emotions"

Is there anything strange about wedding speeches?

If you've attended weddings as a guest several times, haven't you encountered a "strange speech" about once in a while...?

I definitely have!

There are various types of speeches at weddings, including toasts, speeches from friends, and speeches from family... However, the toast usually given by a boss tends to be quite normal!

Occasionally, some may be a bit too long, but in terms of content, it usually follows a template and is quite standard. I feel that it's more common to notice something unusual in speeches given by friends or family.

Speeches from friends or family can be difficult because they know each other too well.

This might be because the relationship between a superior and subordinate is primarily professional, without extra memories, so it tends to stick to the basic template of "highlighting and praising the main characters."

(It's like a guest book for someone with a thin relationship...)

On the other hand, friends and family have so much they want to say!!!

Stories of past fights, overcoming tough times together. Stories of achieving goals together or embarrassing moments during trips where they had to help each other...

It's possible that in the past, the friend giving the speech and the bride might have had a crush on the same guy or even dated the same person. They likely have a deep and long relationship, which is why they are close enough to be asked to speak at the wedding.

So if you've been asked to give a speech at the wedding of a bride who is a very important person to you, it's understandable to have too many topics to cover and feel overwhelmed.

It's common to get emotional and start talking about oneself.

"I want to share that memory. I want to include this episode. I really want to share my story with the bride and have everyone listen!!" Often, this kind of warm feeling leads to a speech that gets out of bounds...

For example, what kind of speeches do you think there are???

I will introduce the wedding speeches that I remember as "Oh, this is strange..."

A wedding speech that felt strange to me #1

The first speech that comes to mind is when a friend of the bride giving the representative speech said during her speech, "I was recently proposed to!"

The content of the speech was something like this:

"I have been classmates with [Bride's Name] since middle school. We were always together, going everywhere as a pair. During our middle and high school days, we spent time like we were twins, and she is my best friend.

[Bride's Name] is very bright and cheerful, and being with her always makes me feel uplifted, making for enjoyable times.

When we became college students and entered the working world, we began to hang out with our boyfriends and shared life advice closely. When I broke up with someone I loved, she quickly came to encourage me, and I truly appreciated that.

We are bonded like sisters, so when [Bride's Name] announced her wedding to [Groom's Name], I was really happy for her.

And on a personal note, I was just proposed to by my boyfriend and will be getting married next year. I think it would be wonderful if we could continue to have family gatherings together in the future... ♡

[Bride's Name], congratulations on your marriage! Let’s continue to be close!

Suddenly, it turned into a speech about herself.....!!!!

Did you get to read the content of the speech? Did you realize that everything after "And on a personal note..." turned into a speech about herself?

I remember listening to it in real-time and thinking, "Huh...??!? The topic suddenly changed!"

Given that they’ve had a similar upbringing and have been close friends, the thought of being family-like after the marriage is quite natural. It’s a given.

But there’s this sense of "I can’t figure out who the main character is."

Even if stating the same thing, a phrase like, "I will also be getting married, and witnessing the loving relationship between [Bride's Name] and [Groom's Name] inspires me to have a fruitful marriage too," keeps the spotlight on the couple.

However, the speech I heard appeared to turn into a wedding announcement, saying, "I will also be getting married! Let’s all be friends!" which felt a bit off.

It seemed like there was no sense of discomfort between the bride and the speaker, and rather, there was excitement and congratulations about the "you were proposed to!?" news, but I think this might have been a unique case due to the bride's kindness.

Normally, the bride thinks, "I'm the main character!" She has been preparing the wedding to shine her brightest and create a satisfying environment.

So she might not want others to overshadow her. Some brides might feel upset, thinking, "They talked about themselves during my speech... I should be talked about more!" A caution for self-centered speeches is necessary!

A wedding speech that felt strange to me #2

Next, I'd like to introduce another discomfort I felt during a friend's speech at a wedding.

The speech was titled, "Thanks to [Bride's Name], I was able to fulfill my dream!" It went something like this:

"My name is [Name of the Friend], and thanks to the kind-hearted [Bride's Name], who is like everyone’s mother, I was able to achieve my dream.

Everyone, when they face a heartbreak or something sad or joyful happens, they rush to tell [Bride's Name].

She always listens, saying "Uh-huh," never denying feelings and saying things like, "That’s sad," or "That’s wonderful!!" or "How frustrating!" which makes her a truly supportive presence.

I’ve had a dream job since I was young. When I was a junior in college, as job hunting began, I applied to many companies to pursue my dream job but didn’t have much success.

In those moments, it was [Bride's Name] who supported me. Even when I was depressed about my job search, she patiently encouraged me, saying, "You’ll be fine, because there’s no one quite like you. Have confidence." I am truly grateful, even though she had her own tough job search.

Thanks to her support, I was finally able to secure my dream job. My fulfilling daily life now is because of [Bride's Name] encouraging me through those tough times.

Thank you so much, [Bride's Name]. We all love you."

Suddenly, it turned into a speech about herself.....!!!!

Did you notice...? Halfway through, the speech completely turned to her job hunting story...

It became a narrative stating how she achieved her dream with gratitude towards [Bride's Name], rather than highlighting [Bride's Name]'s qualities.

A wedding speech typically has a representative friend briefly sharing the wonderful aspects of the bride, showcasing who she is to the guests—essentially a self-introduction by others.

The important episodes in her life with [Bride's Name] differ from what would be suitable as the main theme of the wedding. We should be cautious not to let emotions excessively mingle into such speeches.

A wedding speech that felt strange to me #3

Finally, let me introduce the speech from the bride's sister directed toward her.

It reflected a dilemma transitioning from childhood admiration to adulthood, like this:

"Congratulations on your marriage, sister. Since there’s a three-year age gap between us, I’ve loved you since I was little and imitated you all the time.

I even asked Mom to make me matching pink dresses like the ones you loved, and I wanted to have the same hairstyle as you!

I started playing volleyball in elementary school because you, my idol, were shining in that team. Your ability to empathize, leadership, and sunny personality, all made you adored by everyone and something I take pride in.

So, I spent my childhood chasing after your shadow, wanting to become just like you.

That relationship flipped four years ago when I got married and had a child. Even though I was always following you, I suddenly moved ahead, became the older sister and, to be honest, there were some awkward moments...

However, from now on, you also found the wonderful husband [Groom's Name], and now you have a cute baby on the way. You look so happy!

I'm so glad to see you like this. We’ll be able to have family relations going forward. Let’s stay close as sisters.”

Suddenly, it turned into a sort of one-upmanship...!!!

Don't you think this sister’s speech also feels odd?

It shifts to, "I got married and had kids first, so I'm sorry," halfway through...

I can imagine how awkward it might feel if I were an older sister in my thirties and had a 25-year-old sister who got married and had kids first... (Although there's no need to worry!)

As a woman in her thirties, it's easy to imagine the anxiety of wanting to get married and have kids but being single. Now, that younger sister, who you thought was still a kid, has gotten married and is pregnant...

In that situation, there might have been some tension in their sisterly relationship.

But does it need to be publicly shared in front of so many guests at a wedding?! Especially on the day when the older sister is the bride herself!!

It seems like saying, "This person was really anxious about not getting married. Thank you to the groom for picking her up."

That would be quite rude towards both the bride and groom. As a guest, that's how I felt, but the bride appeared unfazed, seemingly touched and moved by the memories shared.

It turned out to be a reminiscence of the past, but from my perspective as a guest, it felt quite conflicting.

I thought, “I would not want that kind of topic covered during my wedding speech.”

As a general rule, it’s better to refrain from discussing things like “The bride is in her thirties and was anxious about being late to get married, but she finally found someone” in a wedding setting...

Everyone should give a speech that feels good and elevates the main characters, the bride and groom!!

Weddings gather numerous guests. Among them, there are many with different values, lifestyles, and perspectives.

Therefore, the foremost thing to ensure is that no one feels uncomfortable and that everyone feels happy.

In the context of a wedding, everyone’s happiness relates to the happiness of the bride and groom, so those asked to give speeches should firmly introduce the good aspects and wonderful traits of the couple to the guests.

If there's any hint of jokes or negative content aimed at the bride and groom, there might be family members getting angry, thinking, "How could you disparage the important [Bride's Name]?" Thus, a careful crafting of the speech is necessary.

That’s why wedding speeches are indeed tough. Speaking in front of a crowd is nerve-wracking, plus you have to be careful with the content...

For that reason, when a bride asks someone to give a speech, it's crucial to find someone who can take on that important role diligently.

The assigned person should not only rely on their judgment but should also show it to mutual friends and family for double or triple checks.

May everyone be happy, and may the speech reflect the true character of the bride and groom!

Toasts, speeches from friends, and speeches from family members should all be seen as "introductions by others"!

All guests likely want to hear and learn many stories about the stars of the day, the bride and groom.

Therefore, those asked for speeches or letters should largely focus on "praising!"

Guests will feel reassured knowing how wonderful the bride and groom are and how fortunate they are to be bound together... ◎

To ensure the content is acceptable to everyone, it's best to have several people review it. When asking someone, it's quite important for the bride to choose someone who seems like they could consult about the content with mutual friends.

Those assigned should strive to ensure the content is happy and satisfactory for everyone, ensuring it doesn't solely focus on themselves and their stories with the bride.

Speeches from friends or families directed at the bride are moments full of emotion ♡ They serve as messages that will remain lifelong memories, so when asked, ensure ample care is taken, and the asker offers support so everyone can have a fantastic time together! ♡