Inviting Distant Friends: How to Casually Invite Acquaintances to a Second Party without Making Them Feel Obligated to Attend?

2020.01.17 published

I hope it's not a burden to invite people to my wedding...??

This is a question that many brides-to-be have thought about at least once.

The question of **"How far can I invite people to the wedding and the reception?"**

For brides, a wedding marks the beginning of a new life and a significant milestone. It is a day that shines brightly in life and can be described as the happiest moment when they are united with their beloved person.

On the other hand, for guests, attending a wedding is a wonderful opportunity to celebrate the special day of someone close to them.

However, everyone has their own schedules and plans, and due to busy work seasons, timing of pregnancy and childbirth, or conflicts with other weddings, there may be situations where they cannot attend every wedding to which they are invited.

The perspective that inviting people to the wedding itself might be a burden.

Additionally, a concern for brides arises because inviting guests can indeed be a significant burden for them.

"I want them to come, but is it really okay to invite this person?"

"Maybe they don't really want to come, but they might feel pressured to show up out of consideration."

"Could inviting them itself be a burden?"

It's understandable that these worries arise.

What costs are involved for guests attending a wedding?

So, what exactly are the costs of attending a wedding?

Let's consider the case of female guests.

☑ First, time (half a day to a day)

☑ Gift money (around 30,000 yen)

☑ Attire (around 10,000 yen)

☑ Hair set (3,000 to 5,000 yen)

☑ Transportation costs

☑ Accommodation costs if the venue is far away

☑ If also invited to a reception, the reception fee

Surely, the costs look something like this. The amount of gift money may fluctuate, and if they wear a dress they already own, they won't need to spend on attire, but if they come in a kimono, there will be additional costs for dressing up, etc. There are variations, but generally speaking, at least 40,000 to 50,000 yen in expenses can be expected for a single wedding.

It's understandable that phrases like "gift money poverty" arise, given that some people receive multiple wedding invitations in a short span of time.

But everyone shares the desire to celebrate the milestones of their important people!

It is a fact that attending a wedding incurs costs, but I believe that there is unlikely to be anyone who thinks, "I feel burdened by being invited."

Everyone surely wants to genuinely celebrate the happy moments, especially the bride and groom’s appearance.

Particularly for friends of the bride and groom, it’s only natural to invite one another during weddings within close-knit groups.

While it may seem odd to express attendance or non-attendance at a wedding as a give-and-take relationship

“I was invited to their wedding, and I went, so they should definitely come to mine♡”

This viewpoint isn’t wrong, and in cases of close friends, it would be rather unnatural not to invite them. Therefore, unless there is a special reason, it's best to ensure they are invited.

There is also a saying that happy events and joy can create a chain reaction; sharing happiness together is a good thing.＊

Yet, to be honest, there are times when I can't attend...

When invited to the wedding of someone close, it is usually a joy.

I think many people share the desire to witness their dear friends starting a happy life with their partners, but there are times when circumstances make it impossible to attend a wedding.

For example:

☑ When money is really tight

☑ When busy with pregnancy or child-rearing

☑ When experiencing a personal loss

☑ When the wedding is too far away

☑ When you’re actually distanced from the bride and groom

And so on.

While I really want to go, there are situations that make it impossible...

Some people may feel like they were invited just to fill numbers and think, "I don't want to attend because of that."

In such cases, it's better not to force participation.

Especially when it comes to financial concerns or instances like “I haven't talked to them in a long time, but now I'm suddenly invited to the wedding and the reception!”, these issues seem to occur frequently. Such topics often arise on online question sites, and I've actually had friends share similar concerns with me.

【Recommendation】 The best way to invite is to leave room for decline!

Even if you have friends who would find it difficult to attend due to financial, distance, or situational reasons, if not inviting them seems unnatural, you should at least reach out!

When sending out invitations for weddings and receptions, you should first ask,

"I'm having a wedding on (date) at (venue), is it okay to invite you?"

By slightly changing how you ask at that moment, it can make it much easier for them to consider and decline.

Considerate and easy ways to approach for wedding attendance inquiries①

<< Communicate all the conditions upfront. >>

The most straightforward approach to ask is by sharing all the conditions upfront.

These conditions include:

Date and time

Venue

Any necessary fees

Whether you can cover transportation costs and how much that would be

With this information available from the start, guests can assess how long it will take and how much it will cost.

This way, they can respond based on their calculations, ensuring they feel informed and at ease.

@gift_wd0922

Among these, one concern that invites confusion is whether transportation costs will be covered, especially for guests coming from far away.

Even experienced friends who have attended multiple weddings often have said things like, “I wonder how it will be this time.... I haven't heard anything. I'm worried!” So to avoid causing anxiety,

offer clear information such as,

#

"I’ll cover round-trip Shinkansen fees,"

"I'll cover just one way,"

"Sorry, but you’ll need to book your hotel on your own,"

"I'll cover everything, so no worries."

It’s better to make these conditions clear from the beginning. While the couple might want to confirm the number of attendees before finalizing transportation costs, especially for distant weddings it’s best to just offer the date, time, and venue while being clear about transportation costs right away to avoid misunderstandings.

Considerate and easy ways to approach for wedding attendance inquiries②

<< Begin with "Is it okay to invite you to my wedding?" >>

The kindest invitation method I've heard is this approach.

First, without stating any conditions, simply ask, "I'm having a wedding! Is it okay if I invite you???"

Some may wonder why I suggested that providing all conditions is better earlier.

However, the reason this method is kind is because it ensures one initial response of, “Congratulations!! I’d love to!! Thank you for inviting me!”

When only asked if they can attend the wedding, it’s quite rare for someone to respond with a NO, right?

Even if they feel reluctant to go, unless they know the date, venue, and conditions, it’s unlikely they would say, “Sorry, I can’t make it!”

Therefore, they can reply with, "Congratulations! I’ll be there♡."

Afterwards, the couple can then explain,

"Thank you! The date is (date) and the venue is (venue). Transportation costs are..." At this point, the invitee can finally consider and if they can't attend, they can say things like, "Sorry, I have another wedding to go to that day..." which provides a smoother route to decline.

#

Making sure that they initially express their desire to attend can be quite relieving for them and providing excuses or responses grounded in the date or venue allows them the opportunity to decline comfortably.

This is what I find clever about this kind of invitation style.

Inviting in a way that allows for polite declines might be a form of hospitality.

Since it’s important friends or people you’ve been indebted to come to your wedding, it’s only natural that you want to have them at both the wedding and the reception.

You want to be surrounded by as many loved ones as possible during the occasion and show your gratitude.

While it's understandable for brides-to-be to feel this way, it’s important to remember that attending a wedding can be quite a time and financial commitment for guests.

Regardless of how much they may wish to attend, there are times when circumstances just don’t align.

This is especially the case when considering guests coming from afar.

If there’s even the slightest concern like, "I hope it doesn’t turn into a burden for them to attend…” it may be beneficial to provide clear conditions from the beginning and offer options that allow them to decline gracefully, which will likely create a positive impression.

Although offering various arrangements to ensure guests have an enjoyable experience at the wedding is a form of hospitality, making it easy for those who really cannot attend to say, "I'm so sorry, I can't make it, but I'm genuinely cheering for you!" is also a part of being accommodating.

To ensure everyone involved in your wedding can have a positive experience, it’s important to be mindful of how you inquire about attendance from the very beginning.♩