Reflections and Experiences: What to Consider When Choosing a Venue for the Family Meeting?

2019.02.27 published

What are the points to consider when choosing a restaurant for the meeting of both families?

Once you've been proposed to and your pre-wedding life begins, the first thing you should do is report to both parents!

When you announce that you're getting married, your partner might visit their family home to greet their parents, and once the schedule for the wedding is set, both families will likely meet for the first time.

One of the important and often challenging aspects is choosing the restaurant for this meeting!

While one set of parents might decide on the location, it is generally the bride and groom who choose the venue and coordinate the schedule for the meeting of both families.

If both families live close to each other or if the couple has been together for a long time and families are familiar with each other, that might be different, but in most cases, it will be the first time both families meet and talk...

It’s natural to have worries like whether things will go smoothly, if everyone will be satisfied, and if the atmosphere will be friendly. Therefore, choosing a restaurant that can adequately support you amid that nervousness is crucial.

Basically, the meeting of both families is often held in hotels or traditional restaurants, but what key points did experienced brides focus on while choosing the restaurant?

Let me share my own experience as well ♡

Key Point 1: Atmosphere!!!

The first thing any bride will consider is the atmosphere of the restaurant.

If you want to conduct the meeting of both families formally, a relatively spacious and relaxing environment is a must.

No matter how popular or trendy a place is, it’s best to avoid lively and noisy atmospheres.

After that, it's just a matter of personal preference—if you want a more formal and elegant setting, traditional inns or luxurious hotel restaurants are very popular.

Conversely, if you want to keep it a bit casual, restaurants or hotel lounges offering afternoon tea can be good options.

As long as it’s not a "just a cafe!" or "a regular izakaya," it should generally be acceptable.

Considering that this is an important event for both families, let’s choose a somewhat tranquil space to ensure everyone feels comfortable.

I chose a French restaurant to hold our meeting of both families while enjoying a course meal.

Key Point 2: The location should be the midpoint between both families

The location for the meeting of both families often tends to be "somewhere that doesn't overly burden one side, roughly at the midpoint between both homes."

However, sometimes one family might visit the other's hometown just to check it out, which can happen occasionally.

In such cases, it’s a great opportunity to share local souvenirs from each other's hometowns as a way of introducing them to each other.♩

Traditionally, the costs of the dining and transportation were shared by both families, but nowadays, it seems more common for the bride and groom to cover the expenses under the guise of inviting their parents.

In my case, we held the meeting at a location in Tokyo, the midpoint between both families.

Key Point 3: Proximity to the station

Setting the restaurant for the meal close to a station is an important point.

As parents get older, they may have mobility issues, and they might get lost in an unfamiliar place.

While our generation can use Google Maps to find their way around easily, the older generation often cannot.

It would be considerate to choose a restaurant that is directly connected to the station or in a location that's easy to understand.

The restaurant we chose was a bit far from the nearest station, so we arranged for taxis for both going and coming back, and we covered that expense.

Key Point 4: Availability of private rooms

The meeting of both families is a very private time where various discussions will take place, so it's important to reserve a private room to avoid bothering others and ensure everyone can relax.

While a high-end restaurant with spacious seating might be fine without a private room, if the group next to you is having an animated girls' night, it can be somewhat distracting, no matter how spaced out the seating is.

Regardless of how prestigious a restaurant may be, if there’s a possibility of noise, reserving a private room is the safer choice.

Key Point 5: Availability of chairs in tatami seating

Tatami rooms are very popular for family meetings. Traditional Japanese rooms feel a bit formal and special, and brides often wear their beautiful kimonos, making it a perfect match.

However, it’s good to confirm beforehand if chairs for tatami seating will be provided!

If there are chairs, it’s easier to adjust your seating position, but if not, everyone will have to sit in seiza the whole time, which can be quite difficult.

Traditional rooms are recommended, but just to be sure, let’s check if there are floor chairs available!♩

Key Point 6: Don't choose a restaurant where the portion size is too large

This is a reflection from my own experience.

The restaurant I chose for the meeting was popular for its delicious food and generous portions.

While it was fine for my family and my partner's family, my partner’s mother seemed to be small-statured.

The many dishes kept coming, and while I thought that would spark great conversation, my partner's mother struggled a bit and ended up having to share her food with her husband.

I think he was probably full too, but they might have felt they couldn’t leave any food uneaten.

Selecting a restaurant that doesn't serve excessive portions might have been important.... I reflected on this afterward.

Since the meeting of both families is not just about the meal itself, it didn’t necessarily have to be a highly acclaimed restaurant or one known for satisfaction; having a convenient location with a reasonable atmosphere would have sufficed.

Key Point 7: Whether the restaurant accommodates “a meeting of both families”

The meeting of both families is a very important time, and it’s essential to have support from the place where it’s held to ensure everything goes smoothly.

When making a reservation, be sure to mention, “This is for a meeting of both families.”

There may be special plans for such meetings with benefits or services available, and even if not, the staff should understand and accommodate your needs.

If you don’t communicate this in advance, restaurants might restrict your time, saying, “We have a two-hour limit for lunch!!” which is a situation you want to avoid at all costs!

You definitely want to steer clear of any situation where you’re rushed out with phrases like, “This is the last order” or “The next customers are...”

Unsure....! Thoughts on Choosing a Restaurant for Meeting of Both Families＊

The meeting of both families is the first time both sets of parents come together.

It’s very natural to feel anxious about whether they will get along... or if everything will proceed smoothly. However, ensuring that you do not make mistakes in choosing the restaurant is the best shortcut to success!

If you select a location with a calm atmosphere and attentive staff, you should be just fine!＊

I particularly recommend renowned hotels or traditional inns that are close to a station.

There are so many restaurants out there, and you'll probably be unsure about which to choose, but in formal occasions, classic options are usually the best!＊

Alternatively, you can also ask if either of your parents have any recommendations.

I hope the meeting of both families goes smoothly and is enveloped in the joy of growing your family!＊