[Complete Guide] How to Decline an Invitation to a Wedding You Can't Attend: Tips for Writing Your Response Card

I Was Invited to a Wedding ♡ But I Can’t Attend Due to Certain Circumstances...!

Being invited to a wedding is a very delightful thing ♡ Attending is the top priority whenever possible, but

there are times when we must unfortunately decline due to unavoidable circumstances. While I truly want to celebrate in person, it is really frustrating not to be able to go.

However, once you've decided to decline, it's important to communicate this smoothly to the couple. Some might think, “It’s difficult to tell them, as it feels like I’m ruining their joyous occasion…”

But the couple is naturally very interested in the attendance of their guests. Make sure to convey your message politely and promptly.

So this time, I'll introduce how to respond to a wedding invitation when you need to decline, including [timing-based] and [content-based] approaches, as well as how to write a response card.＊

What to Do First if You've Decided to Decline?

If you've been invited to a wedding but it looks like you’ll have to decline, what should you do first?

Here, I'll introduce the actions to take based on the timing of when you find out you can’t attend.

Response When Declining Before Receiving the Invitation

First up, let’s talk about the time before the invitation arrives! Wedding invitations are typically sent out 2 to 3 months before the wedding day. Hence, it is common for the couple to say things like, “We’ll be having the wedding on [date]! I would love for you to come if you can.”

If you already know at that point that you cannot attend, make sure to communicate that right away ◎

In this case, a phone call, email, or message on LINE is acceptable. A phone call tends to leave a more courteous impression.

～～Example of a LINE message when declining a wedding invitation～～

Congratulations on your wedding! Thank you for the invitation.

I would love to attend, but unfortunately, I have a prior commitment (such as a family event or a business trip) on that day, so I cannot join.

I’m really sorry for not being able to come despite the invitation.

I would love to celebrate separately, so how about we go out for a meal together soon?

While it's not necessary to give a monetary gift, many people choose to give a wedding gift in lieu of attending. It seems common for friends to give amounts ranging from 5,000 to 20,000 yen, depending on their relationship.

However, if you have already had a wedding and that friend has given you a gift, that changes things.

Many people tend to give the same amount they received as a gift (usually around 30,000 yen from friends).

Returning what you've received is a mark of courtesy for adults. Make sure to keep this in mind! ♩

Response When Declining After Receiving the Invitation – Up to the RSVP Deadline

When you receive the wedding invitation and need to decline, respond with “declining” on the RSVP card and send it back. However, it's recommended to also communicate this via phone or email beforehand ◎.

It might be tempting to think, “Since I already told them over the phone, I don’t need to send the RSVP card,” but the couple may want to confirm attendance through the card, so it’s good etiquette to respond properly even if you are declining.

Moreover, if you decline after receiving the invitation, many people give around 1/3 to half of the amount they would have given as a gift if they had attended.

For friends, it seems common to give a 10,000 yen gift ◎.

When you send back the RSVP card to decline, put cash in a gift envelope and send it via registered mail.

Additionally, many also choose to give a wedding gift (potentially larger than their regular budget) to express their regrets about not being able to attend ◎.

Depending on your relationship with the couple, it’s advisable to present something in some form.＊

Response When Declining – 3 Days Before the Wedding to the Wedding Day

Sometimes, emergencies arise after you have replied with “attending,” causing you to be unable to attend. In such cases, the catering and gifts may already have been arranged and it can often be difficult to cancel.

Since you’ve already responded once, it’s courteous to include about half of the gift money you initially planned to give.

Make sure to call and say something like, “I’m really sorry for the sudden change after already confirming attendance.”

Of course, failing to return the RSVP card by the deadline without notifying anyone is absolutely not allowed! If you’re unsure about your ability to attend by the RSVP deadline, communicate this to the couple in advance along with an explanation of when you expect to have a clear answer.

Response When Declining – The Day of the Wedding

If you discover right before the wedding (3 days to the actual day) that you can no longer attend, it's essential to notify the couple as soon as possible! Apologize sincerely for not being able to attend at the last minute.

As it’s usually impossible to cancel the catering or gifts at this point, it’s best to give the same amount you would have if you were attending. Make sure to at least give half of that amount.

Sending a Telegram on the Day of the Wedding is a Nice Touch When Declining

If you've been invited to a wedding but can't attend, sending a telegram on the day itself is also a recommended way to convey your feelings ◎.

Recently, cute telegram options like balloons and marshmallow telegrams, besides traditional ones, are available, so consider sending them filled with celebratory sentiments! ♡

➡ Recommended Balloons for Telegrams ♡

What’s the Best Way to Communicate Your Reason for Declining?

Now that we've discussed how to handle the process of declining an invitation, let's look at how you should communicate your reason to the couple. Here are some suggestions ♩.

How to Communicate Your Reason for Declining – If You Have Another Wedding to Attend

One of the most common reasons for declining a wedding invitation is “I have another wedding to attend.”

Especially during peak wedding seasons like spring and autumn, or on auspicious Saturdays, overlaps are common. If they're close and staggered, one might manage to attend both, but if they’re far apart or overlapping completely, attending both is impossible. You can’t help but think, "I wish I had two bodies!"

If your attendance clashes with another wedding, inform them that “I have a prior commitment.” While weddings are joyous occasions, mentioning another wedding could sometimes lead to conflict.

However, some folks feel that they can share if it’s a family member's wedding (especially siblings). After all, it’s generally understood that it’s reasonable to skip a friend's wedding for a sibling’s.

So, if your invitation overlaps with another wedding, it's a case-by-case basis. It’s probably safest to say, “I have a prior commitment.”

How to Communicate Your Reason for Declining – If It's Due to Pregnancy or Childbirth

You may be invited to a wedding but need to decline due to being pregnant and not feeling well, being in the late stages, or having a small child you cannot leave with anyone else.

If it’s regarding pregnancy or childbirth, you can absolutely provide the reason, as it’s a happy occasion: “Regrettably, I have a delivery coming up…”

The same applies if you have a small child, where you can say, “I’m sorry, but it's difficult to find someone to take care of my child…”

How to Communicate Your Reason for Declining – If It's Due to Work or a Business Trip

If you're unable to attend due to work, saying “I can’t come because of work” may come off poorly, so it’s often better to say “I have a prior commitment.”

Everyone's work situation is different, but if someone is told months in advance that they can’t take off for a wedding, they might think, “Can’t you take a day off for a wedding?”

However, if it’s a long-term or overseas work trip that is already planned, it’s totally reasonable to mention that.

It’s important to be considerate of the couple's feelings when you decline.♩

How to Communicate Your Reason for Declining – If It's Due to Health Issues

In cases of health issues, whether to disclose them may depend on the timing and your relationship with the couple.

If you were hospitalized or have a significant injury, it might be wise to share, as it might affect future interactions. However, some feel that they wouldn’t want to worry the couple before the wedding.

Consider thoroughly before sharing your reasoning with the couple. ◎

How to Communicate Your Reason for Declining – Other Reasons

There are other various reasons for declining a wedding invitation as well. For example, due to bereavement or caregiving, having little connection with the couple, or not many friends attending, people's reasons can vary widely.

Regardless of the reason, it’s best to avoid anything that might sound negative. In these cases, saying “I have a prior commitment…” is the best way to go.

A wedding is a significant event for the couple, and while it’s always preferable to attend if possible, if you must decline for unavoidable reasons, make sure to communicate it with proper etiquette.

How to Write a Response Card for Declining?

Having discussed how to communicate your reason for declining, let's move onto how to write the response card for declining ◎.

While you often see response cards for attendance, there are fewer examples for declines, and many don’t know how to write them. It's great to know how to send it properly while observing the rules! ♩

How to Fill Out an RSVP Card When Declining a Wedding

Here are five points for writing an RSVP card when declining a wedding:

① Cross out “〇〇様”

② Cross out “御出席”

③ Cross out the “御” in “御欠席” and circle “欠席.”

④ Cross out the “御” in “御芳名” and “御住所”.

⑤ In the empty space or message area, include a note like: “Congratulations on your wedding! I’m so happy to have been invited, but unfortunately, I already have a prior commitment and cannot attend. I sincerely pray for your happiness.” It's best not to use punctuation marks like “、” or “。” as they imply an end, which is considered inauspicious.＊

Clearly Communicating Your Decline is Adult Etiquette ＊

Not being able to attend a wedding is truly unfortunate. The same goes for the couple.

When declining a wedding invitation, it’s essential to adhere to adult etiquette properly, and even if you cannot attend, ensure your congratulations are felt by the couple.

Be careful to avoid any small misunderstandings that may damage friendships… ♩

➡ Recommended Balloons for Telegrams ♡

@haruno45