"Even Though It's Our Wedding! Tips to Motivate the Groom Who Leaves Wedding Preparations to the Bride"

2020.02.29 published

Wedding preparations: He won't cooperate!

To all the brides-to-be, how is your wedding planning going??

Completing the homework assigned by the venue and DIY-ing wedding items... There’s a mountain of tasks to tackle, so his cooperation is essential for the wedding preparations.

Since it's both your wedding, it’s only natural for him to become earnest about it too! Even if you think that, reality doesn't always go as planned.

There may be some brides-to-be who feel frustrated and say, "He's not cooperating at all!"

@saori_5.26

Some might say, "Weddings are for the bride," but a wedding is a vow of eternal love between two people. It’s not just the bride’s event.

It’s best if you can prepare for your happy new beginning together.

However, it’s also true that many couples end up fighting or growing distant due to wedding preparations.

There are times when you might feel, "I want to call off the wedding!" or "I don’t want to get married anymore!"

@saori_5.26

How can we get along and move forward with the preparations?

What can we do to motivate the groom to actively participate in the wedding preparations? It seems there are several tricks to do so♡

I’ve summarized what brides who have enjoyed a smooth wedding planning period have practiced＊

@t.kana_wedding._.g

Tip 1: Ask for feedback on weddings he has attended in the past

Many of you might be at your wit's end with his "Anything is fine" responses.

The wedding preparation period is full of comparisons and decisions. There are countless things to consider, like the venue, attire, food, music, and so on!

When he says, "Anything is fine" or "You can do whatever you want, XX," it’s frustrating because the wedding is for both of you, and he’s the only person you can consult with!

@eri_wedding0512

In such cases, a trick is to 【ask him about the weddings he has attended in the past】＊

Ask him, "What was the best wedding you've been to? What made it great? What performances moved you?" By delving into his thoughts, you can elicit his opinions＊

Then, you can summarize with, "So for our wedding, let's do this!" He’s likely to feel more satisfied with that♡

You might think, "He should just say it himself!" But men who don’t care too much about the wedding often tend to say, "Anything is fine."

After going through this a few times, he might start to see his envisioned wedding gradually and actively share his ideas♡

@eri_wedding0512

Tip 2: Clearly communicate what you want him to help with

If you want him to become more proactive, vague requests like "Think about it more seriously" won’t be effective.

There are quite a few grooms who feel, "I get scolded hysterically, but I don't know specifically what you want me to do."

The trick is to 【clearly communicate what you want help with】 to encourage his active participation in the preparations.

By giving specific tasks like "Please finish half of the invitation stuffing by XX date" or "Propose 10 songs for the BGM," he’s often more likely to take action♡

@mory_wedding

Tip 3: Make a plan with "On XX date, we will do XX"

If you feel relieved by thinking you have plenty of time for wedding preparations, you might end up panicking right before.

To avoid rushing as the deadline approaches, it’s important to start aligning your schedules early on and 【make a plan with "On XX date, we will do XX"】♡

By confirming the remaining time and tasks together, you can prevent the situation where only the bride is feeling hurried...

@love_sato

If you’re both slacking off at home and struggling to get to the preparations, working in a café is recommended.

If you decide, "We won't leave until we finish this!" you’ll be able to focus on your tasks together♡

Tip 4: Have others convey "We're looking forward to it"

Having family and friends 【convey "We're looking forward to it"】 is also a great way to motivate him.

If someone directly tells him, "XX, I'm looking forward to your wedding! Good luck with the preparations!" it’s sure to make him happy♡ This also cultivates a sense of responsibility to not leave everything to the bride and to do his part!

Since weddings don't often come up in discussions between men, it's helpful if a mutual acquaintance or family member reaches out to him, too.

@mjwedding325

Tip 5: Don’t get emotional

This applies not only during the wedding preparation period but also in married life; even when you're upset, 【not getting emotional】 is key to keeping motivation high.

No one gets motivated by being yelled at hysterically, regardless of gender.

@mone_0305

I once heard a groom complain, "She's doing what she wants, but then she gets emotional and angry for no reason."

In that situation, the bride wanted to attach original thank-you tags to the party favors, but the groom wasn't helping...

From the groom’s perspective, thinking, "Why do I have to be blamed?" when he thinks, "You can just give them as they are without any tags," is frustrating.

When you want to ask for something, convey it without getting emotional: "It would really help if you could do XX. Can I ask you?"

Don’t forget to include "Thank you" and "I’m sorry"!

@ydh_wedding

Tip 6: Compliment him generously!

When the groom does something during the wedding preparations, 【compliment him generously!】♡

There’s no one who doesn’t feel happy when they are praised or thanked.

As you keep complimenting him, he may start taking more initiative on his own＊ During the preparation period, rely on him a lot and praise him as much as you can♡

@shiho4_1wedding

Tip 7: After asking for help, give him some space

After asking for help, it’s also crucial to 【give him some space】.

It's tempting to say, "Have you done it yet?" or "Is everything okay?" but try to hold back. If he feels like he’s not trusted, or if he senses he’s being pushed into it, it won’t work well.

By allowing him to progress the preparations on his own, he will feel more fulfilled♡

If you're worried about whether he can really do it, try to ask with enough time by predicting that he might not finish by the promised deadline. Say something like, "I know you've been busy, so can I ask for it by XX date?" This way, you’ll be a top-tier wife who trains her husband to be capable!

Tip 8: Convey specific results

DIY projects are often a part of wedding preparations. While brides are thrilled to create items their way, grooms may not fully grasp that joy.

For grooms who don’t resonate with terms like "cute" or "stylish," it’s recommended to 【convey specific results】, such as saying, "Thanks to you helping with the DIY, we saved XX yen!”

When results are conveyed in a manner they can understand, it provides a sense of achievement♡

@e.wd.0415

Using the saved money to buy necessities for your new home or to go out for yakiniku is even better♡ It will motivate him to want to try harder next time!

Let's progress the wedding preparations together＊

I shared tips on how to motivate your unenthusiastic fiancé to engage in wedding preparations.

If brides are feeling frustrated with their fiancés' lack of cooperation, please try these methods.

I hope you can spend the preparation period understanding and supporting each other so you can greet the wedding day with the best of feelings♡

@t.kana_wedding._.g