Common Scenario No.1 from Experienced Brides: What to Do When You Receive a Last-Minute "Can't Make It" Message?

2019.12.14 published

Just Before the Wedding! It's Common for Absentees to Occur.

A common story that many seasoned brides share is, "We had an absentee right before the wedding."

It seems that it's surprisingly common to have absentees due to unavoidable circumstances, such as suddenly falling ill or having an emergency right before the wedding.

While some brides may think, "Everyone we invited will be fine!" this is something that is hard to predict.

When dozens of adults gather, everyone has their own unique situations.

So, even if an absentee occurs right before the wedding, there's no need to be sad! It's unfortunate but unavoidable, so let's accept it and aim for a mature response. ◎

@macherie_dressbouquet

Now, what should be done if there is an absentee? Here are some common questions.

Question 1: When should we inform the wedding venue about the absentee?

First, when you receive a notice of absence, it's important to contact the wedding venue immediately!

Make sure to cancel meals or ask for adjustments to the seating.

If you received the notification outside the wedding venue's business hours, send an email, and then call during business hours to inform them.

If you get an absentee notice late the day before or on the morning of the wedding, inform your planner directly about the absentee.

@nagisa_marry

Question 2: Can we cancel anything?

It's also a concern whether you can cancel items (like meals, drinks, favors, or gifts) in case an absentee occurs.

The cancellation timing and items vary by wedding venue, so you should check whether cancellation is possible.

If you receive a notice more than a week in advance, meal and drink cancellations are often possible. However,

cancellation within three days to the day of the wedding is often not permissible.

Additionally, favors and small gifts that have already been ordered are usually difficult to cancel.

@nagisa_marry

Question 3: What should we do with the food if we can't cancel?

If the food cannot be canceled due to a last-minute absentee, it can be offered to others to enjoy. ◎

Having paid for the food, it's a waste not to have anyone eat it!

Thus, it's common for everyone at the same table to share the meal.

Of course, it's also okay to serve the food meant for absentees to tables with more male guests, for instance.

@nagisa_marry

Question 4: What should we do about the favors?

It's also a dilemma about what to do with the gifts if there's an absentee.

Basically, favors are a thank-you for the monetary gift.

So, if you receive a monetary gift from someone who was absent, it's okay to send them the favors later (by mail).

Sometimes you might hear, "Can we mail the favors to the absentee in advance?" but generally, favors are a thank-you for the monetary contribution.

Therefore, mailing them beforehand could be seen as requesting a monetary gift and might be considered rude in some cases.

It's customary to give favors after receiving the monetary gift for absentees. However, not everyone gives a monetary gift. Thus, wait until you receive the gift to send the favors as a thank-you.

In cases of last-minute absentees where no monetary gift is received, some brides have kept the prepared favors for themselves or given them as thank-you gifts for sudden wedding presents they received!

@yuih_wd

Question 5: Is it okay to ask about the reason for the absence?

You might be wondering if it's appropriate to ask about the reason for the absence from someone who has notified you they can't attend your wedding.

It can be difficult to know whether to ask when the person just sends a notice of absence!

The etiquette is generally that when someone can’t attend, they should provide a reason. Especially for contagious illnesses like influenza, knowing the reason can be more understandable.

However, in cases of bereavement, it’s more common not to share the reason. It seems inappropriate to bring up a misfortune at a celebratory event.

Therefore, if a guest gives an ambiguous reason for their absence, it’s best not to pry. While you might be curious about what happened, most people won’t share details because they want to be considerate.

So, avoid asking questions like, "Did something happen?"

@nagisa_marry

It’s unfortunate, but it’s unavoidable. Let’s respond maturely even if there are last-minute absentees.＊

We have shared some responses and common questions regarding what to do if there are absentees right before the wedding.

You’ve prepared so much for your wedding for your guests. It can be disheartening when you receive last-minute notices of absence.

However, everyone has their own circumstances. It’s unavoidable to have some absentees.

Rather than getting down about it, respond maturely and enjoy a wonderful wedding day!＊